


Do I Dare Disturb the Universe?

by musicalfreak86



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, One-Shots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-04
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-09-22 00:54:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 46,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9574703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicalfreak86/pseuds/musicalfreak86
Summary: A collection of Holtzbert one-shots that come to my mind as I'm working on my longer works.





	1. Physical Contact Junkie

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm really stuck on the chapter fic I'm working on right now, so I thought maybe working on some shorter little ideas would help get things moving again!

Jillian Holtzmann is a physical contact junkie. Erin Gilbert witnesses this the first time she meets her but it doesn’t register until she gets to know the engineer a little better. At first the casual touches shared with Abby just look jealous and protective. She takes slight offense but can’t deny that Holtzmann has every right to be wary of her.

Once they move above the restaurant and start getting more comfortable with each other Erin notices that this is just something Holtzmann does on a regular basis. She’ll hook her chin on Abby’s shoulder as she’s looking at a new project she’s working on, or brush a hand across Erin’s shoulder blades as she’s passing by. Abby never seems fazed by the contact and Erin assumes that this must just be something Holtzmann does. She shouldn’t get worked up. And yet she can’t help it.

Once Patty joins the team and they move into the firehouse they really begin to feel like a family and the small moments of physical contact increase exponentially, although with Erin they always remain innocent. It becomes a thing for Holtzmann to be carried everywhere. Erin will come into the kitchen in the morning to find Holtzmann contentedly settled on Abby’s hip, her face nuzzled into her neck as Abby goes about her morning routine one handed. When Erin stops, shock evident in her expression, Abby simply turns to her and shrugs.

“The woman has bird bones,” she says off-handedly. “Seriously, have you tried lifting her?”

Erin flushes bright red and stutters out some kind of half-developed thought, bouncing off the doorframe on her way out of the kitchen. She just catches a glimpse of Holtzmann’s happy smile as she turns and restrains herself from actually running away.

Sometimes when speaking with Patty she’ll be caught off-guard by a sudden war cry and Holtzmann will come flying out of nowhere and land on Patty’s back. The action always startles Erin but Patty acts like it’s totally normal.

“Baby, I have five younger siblings,” she states when she catches Erin’s expression. “Nothing surprises Patty anymore.” She hooks her arms under Holtzmann’s knees and Holtzmann shimmies up her back so she can pepper the side of her face with kisses. Erin imagines a certain someone else on the receiving end of those kisses and politely excuses herself from the scene, not noticing that instead of happy, Holtzmann’s face looks vaguely worried.

Erin doesn’t see her again until later that evening after both Abby and Patty have called up to the lab that they’re leaving for the night. Erin half calls out some kind of acknowledgement, her nose buried deep in a new equation that is giving her fits. She doesn’t even notice the footsteps approaching until hands rest lightly on her shoulders and she jumps about a mile.

“Woah, E, it’s only me,” comes Holtzmann’s voice from behind her and she relaxes a minuscule amount. “You carry a lot of tension in your shoulders,” she whispers, leaning down so her breath tickles Erin’s ear and the physicist can’t suppress the shudder that runs through her body at the sensation.

Holtzmann begins kneading her shoulders like a cat and Erin groans out loud, allowing her head to drop to her desk with a loud “thunk.” She feels the engineer shift closer until her body is pressed as close to Erin’s as she can manage with the chair in the way. Her hands work their way down her back, massaging on either side of her spine and back up again, digging into the sides of her neck and eliciting a whimper from Erin that isn’t quite appropriate but Erin can’t find it within herself to care.

Because Holtzmann is _touching_ her in a way that she hadn’t realized she was craving until now. Watching her interact physically with the other women on the team had kindled a want in her that she hadn’t identified until right in this moment and it scares her a little. Where she figures the contact with Abby and Patty is relatively innocent Erin finds herself wanting Holtzmann now in a way that is decidedly not innocent. It’s definitely not the way a friend touches another friend.

“Why do you climb on Abby and Patty?” Erin blurts without thinking, breaking whatever moment this is they seem to be sharing. Holtzmann draws her hands back quickly as though one of her toys snapped her with an unexpected shock as Erin turns in her seat so she can see her face.

“I…don’t know,” she replies, looking somewhere just to the left of Erin’s face instead of meeting her eye. “I like…touch. It makes me happy.” She’s wringing her hands in front of her now and Erin can tell she’s hit on an uncomfortable subject. “I don’t mean anything by it Erin. If that’s what you’re worried about.”

 _Oh shit._ “No, Holtz, that’s not what I mean at all. I’m sorry.” She drops her own gaze, one glimpse of Holtzmann’s face telling her that she crossed a line into some old, sore territory. “I just meant, is it casual?”

Holtzmann nods, taking a shaky breath and starting to step away from Erin. Erin realizes that she’s messed up big time and stands quickly, catching Holtzmann by the wrists to stop her movement. She meets her eye then and Erin’s heart breaks when she sees the hurt clearly written there. She can see years of rejection that the engineer has managed to hide behind her silly, outgoing personality.

Erin takes another step closer, fully in Holtzmann’s personal space now. She prays that she’s read the situation right as she boldly reaches up to cup Holtzmann’s face in her palms.

“Is it casual with me?” she asks, before leaning in and pressing her lips to the Holtzmann’s. The kiss is light and Holtzmann pulls away for just a moment, her expression surprised but her eyes smiling.

“No,” she whispers, before leaning in again. The kiss deepens quickly and Erin finds herself completely enveloped in the feeling and scent and taste of Holtzmann. Her last thought before she stops thinking altogether is, _‘I could become a physical contact junkie, too.’_


	2. Spiked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin's drink gets spiked at the bar and Holtzmann comes to her rescue. Sort of college AU-ish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a few weeks ago I got this anonymous prompt in my ask:
> 
> I'm an absolute slut for angst and protective Holtzmann so I was wondering if you could do established Holtzbert at a bar (with the others or not, I don't mind) and Erin's drink gets spiked?
> 
> And I have to apologize to you anon, this did not end up angsty at all really, and I'm afraid it's also not established Holtzbert but rather another first meeting story. (Apparently I'm awful at actually sticking to prompts. Ha.) But I really, really hope you enjoy it anyway because I had a blast writing it. I'm so happy you popped by my ask!! (And I'm sorry this took so long!)
> 
> Also, I'm gonna warn you guys that there's slight mention of blood and an injury, but it's not terribly descriptive and so I don't think it's too bad. But better safe than sorry. :)
> 
> So without further ado, please enjoy!!

Going out was the last thing Erin wanted to do. It had been the week from hell, and while finals were finally over all she wanted to do was go home and sleep for three days straight. Instead Abby and their newfound friend Patty, whom Abby had connected with in some obscure way on campus, wanted to go out to celebrate their freedom. Erin had been reluctant to go but peer pressure had won out in the end no matter how hard she had whined.

So here she was, sitting at a table at the bar with her friends, absentmindedly bobbing her head to the music that was making her headache even worse. The mostly empty drink in her hand was not helping her head in the slightest but at least she was feeling a little more relaxed than before. She rested her chin in her hand and watched the few people who were tipsy enough to get up and dance.

“Cheer up baby, we’re free!” Patty said, jostling her arm. Erin grumbled something in response but drained her glass and managed a small smile in Patty’s direction. She liked the snarky woman despite having only just recently met her. She was the kind of person who made you feel at ease immediately and Erin was glad that Abby had dragged her along to one of their study parties, even though Patty had complained that their science talk was distracting her from studying for her history final. Erin hoped that they would become good friends in time. She thought they were already well on their way.

“Are you okay Erin?” Abby asked her, looking concerned. Her cheeks were slowly turning pink and Erin finally cracked a genuine smile at her buzzed friend.

“I’m fine. Just a headache. But Patty’s right, we’re free.” She stood up, more lightheaded than she had expected from finishing her drink so fast. “Next round on me?” Abby and Patty whooped and Erin couldn’t help but grin, a warm feeling growing in her chest as she looked at her two friends. It had taken her so long to finally feel like she belonged somewhere and when she looked at the two women sitting in front of her she felt like she was home.

Erin had been nervous when Abby had first introduced her to Patty. She was used to meeting new people only to have them decide they didn’t want to be her friend when they found out about her and Abby’s research, or about her bumpy history of anxiety and therapy. But Abby had no shame in bragging about their research to anyone who would listen and Patty had soaked it up like a sponge, not only listening intently but also adding her own historical knowledge of the city. Although they hadn’t had much time for personal research while being buried in finals, they had zeroed in on several new potentially haunted places they planned to pursue thanks to Patty’s contribution. After that night of caffeine and stress fueled conversation Abby and Erin had decided that Patty needed to become a permanent addition to their little team.

Erin weaved her way through the swaying people, approaching the bar cautiously. During their time in school she and Abby had observed that this bar seemed to have a quick turn over in employment, probably because they mostly hired college students. She had never seen this bartender before and she suddenly found that her mouth had gone rather dry.

The woman behind the bar was wearing a black cutoff T-shirt underneath a pair of paint stained overalls that Erin was a little surprised she was allowed to wear to work even in a bar. She had a pair of yellow tinted glasses perched on the bridge of her nose and as Erin got closer she could see a necklace with a screw and the letter U dangling around her neck as she leaned forward against the bar top to chat with a girl she had just passed a drink to. Her short fingernails were a garish shade of green that almost glowed in the dim light of the bar. Erin’s eyes traveled upward to look at the wayward pile of curls she had pinned up haphazardly. Everything about her appearance was delightfully disheveled and when she met Erin’s gaze with what she could only describe as bedroom eyes she felt her breath catch in her throat.

The bartender politely dismissed the woman she was talking to with a two-fingered salute, turning all her attention to Erin. She winked and opened her mouth to speak but before she could say anything Erin’s line of vision was blocked by someone else. She jumped a little and took a step back, looking up at the man who had materialized out of nowhere and forgetting all about the cute bartender for the moment.

“Hey there,” the man said, standing much too close for Erin to feel comfortable. She took another small step backward and the man quickly closed the gap again. “How about I buy your next drink?”

“Um, o-okay,” Erin stammered in return. She was less than experienced at flirting, much less being openly hit on, and this man was attractive. She had realized quite some time ago that she was interested in both men and women, though Abby was the only person in her life who knew this and she had never been brave enough to openly pursue a woman.

She shot a glance back to where her friends were sitting. Abby nodded, looking impressed and Patty was shooting her a thumbs up. Feeling emboldened by her friends’ approval she allowed herself to be guided to the bar, the man’s hand on the small of her back just a little too familiar. She was uncomfortably aware of how much larger he was than her, and after stumbling over her drink order she excused herself to the bathroom to catch her breath. She could sense that the man was a little annoyed that she wasn’t staying to hang all over him but she also felt the bartender’s steady gaze on her back as she walked away, making her feel strangely comforted.

She spent a few minutes in the bathroom taking deep breaths to calm herself and shaking her head at the texts she was receiving from Patty about how hot this man was and how she needed to get her cute backside back out to the bar and snag him before someone else did. Once she felt a little steadier she emerged, equally relieved and disappointed to see the man still sitting at the bar where she had left him. He stood when she approached and somehow maneuvered them so her back was pressed against the bar. She regretted the position immediately when she realized how trapped she felt as she nodded along to what the man was saying. He talked at length about himself and Erin found herself zoning out quickly, slipping easily into her _‘I’m pretending to be interested in you but I’m really thinking about equations’_ mode.

“What the hell are you doing?” Erin jumped as she was abruptly jerked out of her thoughts. The man had cut himself off mid-sentence, looking over Erin’s shoulder. She whirled around to see the bartender frozen with her finger hovering over Erin’s drink, which was still sitting on the bar top. Erin, still slightly buzzed from her first drink, was sufficiently startled but the bartender’s eyes were surprisingly calm behind her tinted glasses. She didn’t spare the furious man a glance, her gaze instead locked once more on Erin.

“Don’t drink this,” she said quietly but steadily. Erin could hear the man still sputtering his indignation behind her, demanding to know who the bartender thought she was, tampering with people’s drinks like this, but her eyes remained fixed on the odd woman. When she said nothing the woman’s gaze flickered up to the man. “Get out,” she said, and her voice was calm but there was an intensity in her that wasn’t there when she had looked at Erin. “Before I make you go.”

“Come on,” the man said, gripping Erin’s upper arm hard enough to make her wince. “Let’s go somewhere a little more private.”

“No!” Erin exclaimed, finally finding her voice as she worked to pry the man’s hand off of her. He had a very strong grip and for just a moment Erin was genuinely afraid of what might happen to her. More people had entered the building since they had arrived and she was pretty sure that Abby and Patty’s view of the bar was obscured by the crowd. She knew they wouldn’t have heard her yell over the music and the noise of the people.

Before she could decide whether to scream or kick or both there was a sudden flurry of movement in her peripheral vision and the man was on the floor. Erin staggered back a few steps, trying to figure out what had happened. The bartender was standing next to her, shaking out her hand and looking down at the man sprawled on the dirty floor.

“I said get out,” she repeated, just as calmly as before as the man sat up looking dazed. There was a sudden gush of blood and he clutched his nose, groaning.

“You bitch,” he said, his words muffled by the steady stream of blood coming from his probably broken nose. The bartender planted her feet and Erin could tell from her body language that she was calculating the best part of his body to kick. It seemed that the man noticed this as well despite his streaming eyes, and with a glance at her heavy looking boots scrambled up off the floor and was gone.

Erin couldn’t find words, instead turning to the bartender with her mouth hanging open. She was _tiny_ and yet somehow she had laid this man out with one good punch. The woman grinned and extended a hand. “I’m Holtzmann,” she said. Erin took her hand and noticed that she winced when she squeezed.

“Erin,” she replied, not letting go of her hand. Instead she brought it up so she could observe the bruising that was starting to appear around her knuckles. “That might need stitches,” she said, turning her hand a little so she could see where the skin was broken and beginning to bleed freely.

“Nah, all in a day’s work,” Holtzmann replied, vaulting herself back over the bar top. She leaned against her elbows and smirked at Erin, who mirrored her position on the other side of the bar.

“Thank you. Everything happened so fast…I couldn’t think…” she realized that she was shaking, her adrenaline finally catching up to her. She sat down on an empty barstool, her knees suddenly feeling a little weak.

“No problem. Check this out.” Holtzmann reached for Erin’s abandoned drink and dipped her finger in it like she had been trying to do before she was interrupted. Erin watched in awe as her bright green fingernail polish turned a murky brown right before her eyes. “I’ve been developing this stuff for a while but I had hoped I wouldn’t actually get the chance to give it a field test.”

“What does it mean?” Erin asked, resisting the temptation to reach out and take Holtzmann’s hand in her own again so she could inspect the fingernail polish closer. Instead she folded her hands in her lap in an attempt to stop them from shaking.

“It means he tried to drug you,” Holtzmann said bluntly, staring intently at Erin who felt her jaw drop again. If she weren’t so surprised by the woman’s words she would feel a little uncomfortable under her scrutiny. She started to speak again but stopped abruptly when Abby and Patty appeared at her side.

“Erin, what happened? We saw your guy lumbering out dripping blood everywhere,” Abby said, noticing Erin’s shell shocked expression and immediately looking concerned.

“Are you okay baby?” Patty chimed in, looking her up and down. “Whose ass do we need to kick?”

“I’m fine,” Erin replied, giving her friends a forced smile. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Holtzmann inconspicuously trying to move away from the group and reached out to grasp her wrist gently. “He slipped something into my drink but Holtzmann here stopped him. And I’m fine. _Really._ ”

Abby and Patty, who looked like they were gearing up to go fight someone, paused and turned their astonished gazes on the bartender, who seemed slightly uncomfortable and looked down at the bar top, squirming a little.

“Well anyone who watches out for Erin is a friend of ours,” Patty declared, reaching out to pat Holtzmann on the shoulder. The smack jostled her tiny body and she gave Patty a small but genuine smile. Abby nodded at her but quickly started fussing over Erin, making she she was okay and checking out her arm where the man had grabbed her. Erin turned to catch her eye, giving her a look that clearly said she wanted a moment alone with Holtzmann. After a confused moment Abby took the hint, although she looked a little surprised. She tapped Patty on the shoulder and jerked her head in the direction of their table. They walked away, Patty giving Erin a bewildered glance over her shoulder.

“How much longer is your shift?” Erin asked once they had disappeared back into the crowd.

“Only about a half hour,” Holtzmann said with a shrug. Erin realized that she was still holding onto her wrist and let go quickly.

“Join us?” she asked quietly, tilting her head to meet the bartender’s elusive gaze. “I mean, I understand if you don’t want to stay after your shift. Hanging around at work can’t be that fun, but I really appreciate what you did for me and—“

“Erin,” Holtzmann interrupted, finally meeting her eye and giving her a sincere smile. “I’d love to join you.”

“Really?” Erin asked, a little surprised, but pleased nonetheless. “Well, okay then! I guess I’ll leave you to it. See you soon?” Holtzmann nodded and Erin hopped off the barstool, turning back around at the last minute. “Holtzmann? Bring a cup of ice when you join us?” The bartender saluted again and turned to serve another customer as Erin weaved her way through the crowd to find her friends.

*****

“Holtzy!” Patty exclaimed, throwing her hands up into the air and waving. A half hour had passed and in that time Erin had told her friends everything that had happened at the bar and about how Holtzmann had decked the man. Abby was suitably impressed and as far as Patty was concerned Holtzmann was already part of the family. Erin found herself unexpectedly pleased by how well her friends were taking to the bartender before they had even truly met her. Erin knew that if she stopped and analyzed how she herself was feeling about the woman she would probably panic, so she ignored her feelings and the knowing looks Abby was shooting her from across the table for the time being. Instead she chose to ride the high and maybe blame the butterflies she kept feeling on what little alcohol was still in her system.

Now Holtzmann was making her way through the crowd that had only grown in size, balancing several drinks impressively and looking more cheerful than she had earlier. She set the glasses down on the table and raised her eyebrows at Erin, who scooted her chair over to make room. When Holtzmann sat down they were close enough to touch and Erin wasn’t sure if she was imagining the almost electric current she felt jumping back and forth between them. She was thankful for the dim lights in the bar that were hiding her red cheeks.

“I thought you might want another drink,” Holtzmann said with a smirk and another intense stare. “Since our gentlemanly friend ruined your last one.”

“Thank you Holtzmann,” Erin said quietly, smiling and looking down at the table as the bartender set a drink in front of her. She then proceeded to set glasses in front of the other women as well.

“On the house,” she said. “They won’t miss it, trust me.” She shot a conspiratorial wink across the table at Abby and Patty, who thanked her.

“So you threw that punch?” Patty asked enthusiastically, swinging her own fist as an illustration. Abby quickly grabbed her drink off the table so it wouldn’t fall victim to her eager friend.

“Sure did,” Holtzmann said. She held up her right hand, showing off her bruises with more than a hint of pride. They were darkening impressively by this point and she had washed most of the blood off, making the split in her knuckle visible. “I can’t resist a damsel in distress.”

“I am not a damsel in distress!” Erin exclaimed, momentarily distracted from the goosebumps breaking out on her skin at their proximity. She glared at Holtzmann, who held her hands up in surrender.

“I’m kidding,” she said with a lopsided grin. She turned her attention back to Abby and Patty. “Really though, this one was putting up a good fight on her own. I just jumped in. If someone was going to get hurt I would rather it be me. And I had to stop her before she got what he slipped her.”

The sight of the bruises reminded Erin and she grabbed the cup of ice Holtzmann had brought to the table, emptying it into a napkin and wrapping it up. Holtzmann watched her silently, her gaze warm as Erin took her hand and pressed the makeshift ice pack to her knuckles. “So that’s what you wanted it for,” she said in a low voice and Erin felt her face heat up again.

“How did you know the drink was drugged?” Patty asked, oblivious to the spark between the two women. Abby was suspiciously silent, closely observing the wordless exchange between Erin and Holtzmann. They held each other’s gaze for a moment longer before Holtzmann broke the spell and started telling Patty about the fingernail polish she was developing.

Erin listened quietly as she held the ice to Holtzmann’s hand, allowing Patty to do the talking and determinedly avoiding Abby’s meaningful looks.

*****

“So that’s why they evacuated the building during my test!” Abby exclaimed, turning to walk backwards so she could look at Holtzmann, who had just finished telling the group about how she had nearly blown up the student lab two days before during one of their finals. “I owe you one—you saved my ass! That evacuation earned me another day to study!”

“I like this girl!” Patty said, clapping Holtzmann on the shoulder again. Holtzmann, to her credit, was braced this time and took the impact better. They had discovered partway through their conversation at the bar that Holtzmann was attending the same university for engineering and was working at the bar to help pay her way through. Patty was delighted by the information and Erin had to admit she was rather pleased herself.

It was a warm evening and so the four of them had decided to walk back to campus together instead of calling a cab. They were all sufficiently tipsy and Erin found herself walking closer to Holtzmann than she normally would have, the backs of their hands brushing with each step. Patty’s glee over Holtzmann’s eccentricities eclipsed her attentiveness to their interactions but Abby seemed well aware of what was happening. The looks she was shooting Erin didn’t escape her but she played dumb, finally raising her eyebrows and mouthing _‘What?’_ behind Holtzmann’s back in the hopes that she would leave her alone. Abby simply rolled her eyes and turned her attention to Holtzmann instead.

“What dorm are you in?” she asked pausing outside the one she, Erin, and Patty all stayed in.

“This one,” Holtzmann replied, nodding her head at the imposing building.

“What! How in the hell have we stayed in the same dorm and not met you?” Patty asked, voicing Erin’s thoughts for her. “You mean we could have been hanging out all this time and we weren’t?”

“To be fair, we’ve been staying in the same dorm all this time and didn’t meet until recently,” Erin pointed out lamely.

“I only transferred in this semester anyway,” Holtzmann replied with a shrug. “I haven’t made many friends so far. Or any really.”

“It’s a big school,” Erin said with an encouraging smile. Abby swiped her I.D. to let them in. When they left Patty at her room on the second floor she gave Holtzmann a huge hug that seemed to startle her a little. As they continued upward to Erin and Abby’s room on the third floor Erin couldn’t help but notice that Holtzmann was trying, and failing, to disguise how happy she was to have finally made some friends.

“I live on the fourth floor, but I’ll walk you to your door,” Holtzmann said with a wink.

“The shower’s mine,” Abby said, taking off down the hallway. She reached their room and slammed the door behind her long before Erin and Holtzmann had meandered their way down the hall.

“We have this argument all the time,” Erin admitted, rolling her eyes.

“You’re like siblings,” Holtzmann replied with a small smile. She stared after Abby and the slightly longing look in her eye made Erin wonder just how lonely she had been without friends this semester.

“I guess,” she said, shaking her head and chuckling. In a moment of boldness she reached out for Holtzmann’s hand, looking again at the bruises and her one brown colored fingernail. “Thank you again for what you did for me tonight. I’m glad you were there.”

“Anytime,” Holtzmann replied, winking again. Erin felt the flush return to her cheeks and smiled at her. “Would—would you like to hang out again sometime? All of us I mean. Or just us, if you’d like.” It took Erin a moment to realize what Holtzmann was insinuating and couldn’t stop herself from grinning.

“I’d like that,” she said, surprising herself a little by agreeing without any hesitation. She didn’t think she could blame the alcohol anymore. “Tomorrow? I’m free now that finals are over.”

“Tomorrow!” Holtzmann exclaimed in return, beaming. She started to turn and walk away but Erin caught her around the wrist again.

“Wait.” She fumbled in her bag for a moment and produced a pen, quickly scrawling her number on Holtzmann’s forearm, willing herself not to get too nervous. “Text me tomorrow when you want to meet up.” Her hand lingered a little longer than necessary on Holtzmann’s arm, feeling the heat where their skin touched. The bartender was looking at her differently than she had Abby and Patty. Erin could tell that she was delighted to finally have met some friends at the school but now that they were alone in the hallway the atmosphere between them felt heavier.

“Erin,” Holtzmann began, and her voice was low in a way that made Erin shiver as she stepped closer, fully in her space now. “I may have gauged this situation wrong, and if I did I’d like to know before this goes any further.” She leaned in closer and paused, their lips almost touching, raising her eyebrows for confirmation.

Erin took a deep breath and closed the gap before her brain could catch up with her actions. She stood stiffly for a moment, unsure of where to go from here, but then Holtzmann sighed and deepened the kiss, resting a hand on Erin’s waist. She pulled her closer and Erin parted her lips so Holtzmann could slip her tongue into her mouth.

After what felt like an eternity but was really just a few seconds Holtzmann pulled away, licking her lips and grinning. She walked backwards down the hallway. “Let’s do that some more tomorrow,” she said, offered up another two-fingered salute, and was gone.

Erin stood stunned for a moment before giving herself a little shake and letting herself into the dorm room. She could hear the shower running and Abby singing off key as she climbed up onto her bed and lay down. She pressed her fingertips to her lips and squeezed her eyes shut, replaying the kiss over and over in her mind. When her phone buzzed in her pocket she jumped.

_Hey there damsel._

Erin couldn’t wait for tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to prompt me either here in the comments or over at ma-ghostly-petite on tumblr. I didn't realize how fun and challenging this would be! Just forgive me if it takes a little while for me to finish it. Full time job + being a perfectionist does not equal quick writing I'm afraid. x.x
> 
> Also, shoutout to my partner, i-smell-lesbians for helping me work out how best to handle this one. :D (Any mistakes are still mine!)


	3. April Fools

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: April Fools

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for Holtzbert week! Eevachu, thank you so much for setting this up! I'm having a lot of fun already!
> 
> I will warn y'all. This chapter has some implied homophobia in it and a flashback to a mean prank. I don't know if that bothers anyone, but just in case. It's totally hurt/comfort though, and I know most of us enjoy that. ;P

Incessant flirting. It had been happening for months. From the very first “come here often” to the most recent development of casual touches when they were working or when they went out, they still surprised Erin. At first she had assumed that Holtzmann was just messing with her. She saw her buttoned down personality (and not to mention way of dressing) and took it as a challenge. She wanted to see her put together exterior crack. She wanted to see her come apart at the seams, and if it didn’t happen she would get bored. She would lay off. 

But then…she didn’t. The flirting had become a daily routine and its quality had shifted and changed as they got to know one another better. It had become comfortable, and slowly, _slowly,_ over time Erin found that she actually enjoyed it. During the rare moments that they weren’t together, whether Holtzmann had disappeared by herself to find more scraps or Erin was holed up in Abby’s “office” space working on their next book, Erin found herself constantly looking over her shoulder for Holtzmann. At first it wasn’t even a conscious habit until Abby called her out on it.

She had glanced up for what had to be the millionth time that afternoon, realizing that the footsteps she had heard were Patty’s and not Holtzmann returning from her latest dumpster diving expedition (something none of the other ladies would agree to join her on, no matter how much she begged). When she focused back in on their work she felt eyes on her and looked up to see Abby staring at her with a contemplative expression.

“You really like her, don’t you?” she asked softly. “You know she likes you, too, right?”

Erin stammered a few times, finally deciding that playing dumb was the best way to go even though she knew the blush on her face was giving her away. Abby didn’t press the issue. In fact, when Holtzmann appeared an hour later, smelling terrible and grinning at Patty who plucked a candy wrapper from her hair and ordered her to go take a shower, Abby only gave her a meaningful look and said nothing more on the subject. Erin ignored all three of them, only looking up long enough to shove Holtzmann away when she made to hug her and Abby in her dirty coveralls. Once Holtzmann disappeared upstairs to clean up she tried her hardest to focus on the page she was editing but found that she couldn’t. Her head was too full of confusing thoughts and emotions.

She decided to sleep on it, Abby’s words playing over and over in her head as she tossed and turned. _‘You know she likes you, too, right?’_ When she woke up she felt less than rested but she had finally found some clarity. Yes, she liked Holtzmann. She liked Holtzmann _a lot._ How she hadn’t seen it before was a mystery, but now that she had realized there was no going back.

She really liked Holtzmann.

In a moment she had made her decision. She didn’t want to press things too far too fast, although it was clear from her actions and from Abby’s words that the engineer felt at least _something_ for her in return. There was no way she would have kept up the act for so long if she didn’t like Erin at least a little. So surely there would be no harm in returning the affection enough that Holtzmann knew she was interested.

She was most definitely interested.

Which is why when she entered the firehouse that morning she was disappointed that the blonde in question was nowhere to be found. Usually Holtzmann was the first one at the firehouse, mostly because she had taken to actually living there. Patty had found out a few weeks ago during a late work night when she found Holtzmann in the kitchen at three A.M. in her underwear. She had warned the others to be careful what they walked in on and then interrogated Holtzmann. The engineer had confessed that she had actually given up her lease in favor of moving into the firehouse permanently. She claimed that she liked being around her equipment just in case something went wrong in the night, but the other three ladies knew that she really just felt at home in the building. They couldn’t blame her. Erin knew that the rest of them had been considering doing the same.

“Where’s Holtz?” she asked Abby in lieu of a morning greeting. Abby gave her a withering look over her mug of coffee.

“It’s too damn early for this,” she grumbled, taking a grouchy sip of her coffee. Erin smiled sheepishly and turned to Patty, who had just walked through the door. Holtzmann followed close behind, grinning from ear to ear and looking like she had already been up for hours doing who knows what.

“Morning E,” she said, sitting down next to her at the table. She reached for the coffee but Patty snatched it away, knowing all too well what Holtzmann was like caffeinated. Holtzmann whined but relented in the end.

Erin nervously cleared her throat, knowing what she wanted to do but willing herself to take the step. “Good morning,” she replied, resting a hand on Holtzmann’s thigh and squeezing gently. She smiled at her but instead of smiling back Holtzmann just looked surprised. Erin was expecting that reaction, especially with how little she had reciprocated Holtzmann’s flirtations so far. What she wasn’t expecting was the way her eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly and she averted her gaze to the table top. She played with her own fingers and the air became so tense that Erin removed her hand.

The silence settled heavily over them, although Abby and Patty didn’t seem to notice, too preoccupied by their coffee and the morning newspaper. After a few minutes Holtzmann got up abruptly and left, shutting the door a little more forcefully than necessary.

Erin couldn’t help the sinking feeling in her gut even though she knew it was stupid. She had psyched herself up so much to return the engineer’s advances and now she felt at loose ends. Had she done something wrong? She made her way to where Patty had hidden the coffee pot and poured herself a cup, sitting glumly across from Abby to sip at it.

“Well aren’t y’all just a couple of rays of sunshine,” Patty stated flatly, looking at the two mirror images sitting at the table. “I’m just gonna go in here and finish reading up on old medical practices here in New York. It’ll be more cheerful than you two I’m sure.” She left the room with a huff, allowing Erin and Abby to finish sulking over their mugs of coffee.

Once Abby had woken up enough to be semi-coherent they moved into the common area, spreading their notes out like the evening before. They started sitting side by side on the sofa but by the time lunch rolled around Abby was sprawled across the cushions and Erin was lying on her stomach on the floor, reading glasses perched on the end of her nose and papers scattered all around her. She had managed to put the incident of the morning out of her mind as she became more immersed in her editing. Every so often one would mutter something and mark a page with a red pen, or make a comment to the other and they would argue back and forth for a few minutes about the wording of a sentence. Erin was so wrapped up in the work that she almost didn’t notice when Holtzmann came back, dragging a bag of scrap metal behind her.

Abby kicked Erin in the side a little too hard, extracting a yelp before Erin realized what was happening and scrambled to sit up straight, fixing the skirt that she had poorly decided on wearing today. It didn’t matter though, because Holtzmann didn’t even spare her a glance. In fact, she seemed to be in a worse mood than earlier, determinedly avoiding her gaze as she made her way up the stairs to the second floor lab.

Erin found herself staring after her with her mouth slightly open. This was very unusual behavior from Holtzmann. On any normal day she would have made a crack about Erin’s choice of clothing to lie around on the floor in, or commented on her reading glasses before sending a lascivious wink her way. Even if she didn’t choose to flirt in that moment she still would have said hello at the very least.

Erin let out a sigh, suddenly worried that she had really screwed something up. Holtzmann had never acted this way towards any of them that she could remember. Sure, there was lots of pouting when they wouldn’t let her build something exceptionally dangerous, but she couldn’t remember her ever actually being _angry_ at any of them. She stole a glance in Abby’s direction and found that she looked just as confused as Erin felt.

“Did I—did I do something wrong?” Erin asked, her voice small. She couldn’t fathom why Holtzmann would suddenly be giving her the cold shoulder. She hadn’t even had the chance to really show her she was interested, so how could she have messed things up already?

“Nothing that I know of,” Abby replied, her eyes still glued to the stairwell that Holtzmann had disappeared up. “I don’t know what’s wrong with her.” She glanced sideways at Erin. “Maybe you should go talk to her. Or at least make sure she’s eaten something. She used to go out for an entire day and completely forget that she had basic human needs, too.”

Erin nodded, willing her nerves not to get the best of her as she stood up from her spot on the floor. She had been nervous that morning at the prospect of returning Holtzmann’s affections, but she had not been expecting to have to worry about upsetting her. Abby smiled sympathetically at her before returning to the papers she was looking at.

When Erin reached the lab she knocked on the doorframe, not wanting to startle Holtzmann if she was focusing on something dangerous or explosive. Or both. A soft _‘come in’_ came from somewhere inside the lab and Erin edged around the door.

“Hey Holtz,” she said, approaching her workbench cautiously. At first she didn’t see the engineer but when she saw a poof of blonde hair sticking out over the bench she realized that she was sitting almost underneath it.

“Hey yourself,” Holtzmann replied, although her voice lacked its usual energy. In fact, she sounded almost harsh, and Erin cautiously walked around the workbench.

Holtzmann was sitting on the floor with her legs stretched out in front of her and the bag of scraps sitting between her knees as she dug through it, holding bits of metal up to the light before stuffing them out of sight somewhere in the organized chaos that was her workspace. She seemed to be doing her best to ignore Erin, who continued to stand and watch her until the silence became uncomfortable.

“Did you find anything useful?” she asked, crouching down so she was on Holtzmann’s level and peering into the bag. Usually after these expeditions Holtzmann was more than eager to show off what she had found and so her lack of enthusiasm was unsettling. Maybe she hadn’t found anything worthwhile and was frustrated?

“Mmhm,” she replied flatly, still not meeting Erin’s eye. She folded up the now empty bag and stuffed it somewhere under the workbench as well before making to stand up. Erin’s hand closed around her wrist before she could think, pulling her back down to the floor and eliciting an _‘oof’_ from the engineer.She stared at Erin for a moment, the first time she had made eye contact since that morning, and sharply tugged her wrist out of Erin’s grasp.

Erin jerked her own hand away as though she had been burned. She had never known Holtzmann to reject physical contact, especially not from her. She couldn’t count the movie nights where Holtzmann had ended up practically wrapped around her, either asleep and drooling onto her shoulder or leaning across her to steal all the popcorn. Or the times that they had been working on a project together and Holtzmann had been more than eager to stand right next to her, looking over her shoulder as she practiced one of the practical applications of her theoretical work.

She felt tears prick at her eyes and took a deep breath, willing herself not to get emotional.

“Holtzmann,” she said, cringing at the wavering tone of her voice. “Holtzmann, what did I do wrong?” Holtzmann looked away, staring at the floor instead of meeting Erin’s eye and rubbing her wrist almost meditatively. “Holtz, please? Whatever I did wrong I want to fix it.” When Holtzmann refused to speak Erin took a deep breath and decided that she would at least say her piece while she had the chance.

“Holtz, you’re one of my best friends and I care about you so much. If I did something wrong I need to know about it because I need to fix it. I can’t bear the idea that you’re angry at me, especially after—after I realized just recently that I really like you.” Erin’s heart skipped a beat as she heard herself blurt the words but she knew that they were true and that Holtzmann needed to hear them just as much as she needed to say them aloud. She dropped her own gaze to the floor and willed herself to keep speaking.

“I realized that all I even think about is you. You’re on my mind more than my equations, and that’s saying something. When you’re not here I miss you and I didn’t even know why until now. I like you differently from how I like Patty and Abby. I like you as…more than a friend. And I know saying that just makes me sound like some kind of hormonal middle schooler but I can’t help it when all I can think about is kissing you!”

Holtzmann finally looked up at that and Erin was startled to see how cold her eyes still looked. It wasn’t an expression she was used to seeing on Holtzmann’s face and it unnerved her.

“April Fool’s, right?” she asked flatly, her mouth tightening into a straight line before she averted her eyes back to her hands.

“What?” Erin asked, finding herself entirely taken off guard by the comment. She glanced down at her watch, taking in the date and slowly the pieces of the puzzle seemed to click into place. “Holtzmann! I would never joke about something this serious! Surely you don’t really think I would be so cruel?”

She felt her own surge of anger at the idea that Holtzmann thought she would play such a mean prank but it was gone as fast as it came when she saw her shoulders shake. Erin scooted closer, tentatively reaching out to take her hand again and was relieved when she didn’t pull away this time. After a few quiet moments she sniffled audibly and seemed to fold into herself, relaxing her stiff posture so she could drop her head and hunch her shoulders as though she was trying to fade into the floor. Erin tugged gently on her hand and pulled her in so she could wrap her arms around her, thankful that she felt more relaxed and more like her old self despite the persistent sniffling.

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” Erin whispered, feeling Holtzmann shake her head against Erin’s shoulder. There were a few more minutes of silence before Holtzmann spoke, her lips moving against Erin’s neck and giving her shivers.

“When I first started undergrad there was a girl that I liked,” Holtzmann whispered so quietly that Erin tilted her head to hear her better. She rested her cheek against Holtzmann’s soft curls and closed her eyes. Holtzmann’s tone was still flat but Erin could sense that at this point it was more discomfort than anger. “There were very few girls in the field and we were the only two in the freshman class. I didn’t really care but I think she was overly aware and so she stuck by my side a lot. I never told her that I was gay but after a while my stupid crush became pretty obvious anyway. She wasn’t doing well in the program and I was acing everything so I started helping her with her work. We would hang out in each other’s dorms and I tried not to make things weird between us but I’m not very good at that.” Holtzmann chuckled darkly. “In case you couldn’t tell. I spent so much time helping her that I had to rush to finish my own assignments in time. I didn’t want anything in return but I always hoped that by some crazy chance she would decide she liked me back.

“Then one day all of a sudden she did start returning my affection. She would touch my leg when we sat together, and she even held my hand when we walked down the hall.” Erin squeezed her a little tighter, thinking back to the morning when she had done the exact same thing. She thought she knew where this story was headed and almost didn’t want Holtzmann to finish. “At the end of the day when our classes were finished she stopped me right outside the building and kissed me. Erin, I was so happy. I had known I liked women for a long time by that point but she was the first girl who shared my feelings. Or so I thought. Because the next thing I knew several of the guys from our program popped out of nowhere and started snapping pictures of us and she pulled away and said _‘April Fools’_ in this nasty voice.

“They couldn’t really hurt me with the photos because I was out anyway, but I was floored. I realized that she had been playing me the whole time and that I really had made a complete fool out of myself. I stuck to myself after that and I didn’t pursue any more relationships in school. She flunked out of the program and I didn’t even acknowledge her when we crossed paths as she was leaving. I decided my work was more important, and even after school I continued to put my work first. Erin, I wasn’t lying when I said I never thought I’d have a friend until I met Abby.”

Erin felt as though her heart had stopped while listening to Holtzmann’s story. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, completely at a loss for what to say. “Holtzmann, I would never, ever pull such a nasty prank on anyone, especially you. I hope you know that. And if I could go find that girl right now I would…I would…I would punch her in the face.”

Holtzmann laughed wetly against Erin’s neck but didn’t let go. “I know you would. But there’s no need. I lost track of her after she left and I prefer it that way. But since then I’ve refused to even consider flirting with anyone on April first. I don’t want to walk myself into that again, and I wouldn’t want to cause anyone to feel like I did.”

“You couldn’t, Holtz,” Erin replied, finally pulling back a little so she could see her face. Her eyes were red and she wouldn’t quite meet Erin’s gaze, looking a little embarrassed about how much she had shared. Erin thought she looked beautiful. “I don’t think you could do that to someone even if you tried.” Holtzmann finally met her eye, smiling faintly. Erin returned the smile, allowing it to grow when an idea popped into her head.

“I know you don’t do flirting today,” she said, scooting closer to the engineer so they were both almost under her workbench. “So you can definitely say no. But if you’d like I can help you make some new memories for April first.”

“Like I could say no to you Gilbert,” Holtzmann responded quietly. With that affirmation Erin leaned in and pressed her lips against Holtzmann’s. Her lips were softer than Erin was expecting and she put her hand on Holtzmann’s knee to steady herself. After a moment she pulled away so she could look at Holtzmann, whose eyes were closed. She licked her lips and smiled before saying, “I think there are still a few memories that need wiping out, E.”

Erin laughed an leaned in again, this time kissing her with more fervor and pressing against her until she lay back on the floor underneath the workbench. She felt a hand sneak under her blouse, calloused fingertips brushing against the bare skin at her waist so that goosebumps spread from the spot where she touched. She slipped her tongue into Holtzmann’s mouth in response and was surprised when she heard a quiet groan of appreciation from the engineer. It had been a long time since she had made out with someone like this, her last boyfriend growing distant physically long before their relationship fell apart. She hadn’t realized how much she could enjoy it and wasn’t sure if she had forgotten or if she had just never shared this kind of moment with the right person.

After a few more long minutes she came up for air, smiling down at Holtzmann who was looking more disheveled than usual.

“How’s that memory?” she asked, unable to stop her smile from turning into a grin at the slightly dazed look on the engineer’s face.

“Better,” Holtzmann said, leaning up to steal another quick kiss. “Much better. But E?”

“Yes Holtz?”

“Can we maybe play a few harmless pranks on Abby and Patty, too? As much as I hate April Fools, I’m not sure I could pass up such a perfect opportunity.”

Erin laughed again, running a hand up Holtzmann’s side, delighted when she squirmed. “Oh, I’m already way ahead of you on that one. I had ideas for all three of you. You get a pass for tragic backstory, but I have a list if you want to help me with the others.”

“Definitely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Please comment and tell me what you think! Your comments make me grin stupidly in public. :D


	4. Neurodiversity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Neurodiversity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, this prompt took a lot of research for me, because while I do have some familiarity with anxiety, it's more of the social anxiety kind than what Erin experiences in this fic. I really hope I got the details right, and please know that if I messed something up it's not intentional. I really did try to make it as relatable as possible. And any grammar and spelling mistakes are my own. I was editing this while exhausted. lol
> 
> This is for day two of Holtzbert Week, but I also merged it with this prompt I got on tumblr:  
> Can you possibly do one that involves Erin having a service dog. One of the emotional supports dogs?
> 
> So for whoever sent me that prompt, I'm so sorry it took so long! Once I realized it could fit with day two I wanted to save it. :D
> 
> One last thing. Erin's dog is definitely based on Carrie Fisher's dog, and this is a nod to her memory. <3

Erin Gilbert flopped down on her bed and sighed tearfully. It had been a long week at the university. Just a month or two ago she had been so sure that she was going to be granted tenure, but now she was beginning to believe that it would never happen. It just seemed that every single move she made was the wrong one and that no matter how hard she tried the dean looked at her with disdain. She had felt so strongly that leaving her old research behind and pursuing the life of a professor was the right path for her. Now, alone in her apartment, she couldn't help but long for the old days—talking late into the night with Abby about everything from paranormal research theories to the potential existence of aliens.

As she thought about her past and about her unclear future Erin felt herself spiraling, her anxiety quickly getting the best of her.

Just as she realized she was heading for a full blown panic attack she felt the bed dip a little. Small feet came pattering up next to her and the next thing she knew her little french bulldog had curled up on her stomach. He wriggled his way up her body until his head was resting on her chest, cautiously licking her chin and puffing his doggie breath right in her face.

Erin had gotten Gary as an emotional support dog at the suggestion of her therapist about a year ago. At first she had been apprehensive. She never had pets growing up and dogs tended to make her nervous with all their excitement and energy. Plus, she had barely even been successful in keeping a houseplant alive. How could she take care of an actual animal?

But it had been love at first sight, and since getting him Erin’s panic attacks had decreased. Just having another living thing in her apartment made her feel better, and he always knew when she was beginning to feel anxious. He would be at her side immediately, trying his hardest to make her feel better.

“Hey there, Gary,” Erin said, her voice a little shaky. She reached up to pet his head and he bumped her with his wet nose. She took a deep breath and felt a few tears escape even though she was trying to hold back, but Gary just stretched his neck so he could lick them off her face. “How about we go to the park tomorrow? Does that sound good to you?” He grunted a response, making her smile.

The next day was Saturday, and although Erin had a lot of papers to grade she knew she needed a break from work if she was going to feel prepared for the next week. So instead of thinking about work she wrapped her arms around the little dog and hugged him close, his weight on top of her comforting, and closed her eyes.

*****

By the time Erin and Gary were up and walking to the park it was midmorning and the day was already shaping up to be nice. Erin hadn’t taken time off for herself in a long time and she had to admit that although she felt a little guilty about not working as hard as she could be, being outside in the fresh air made her feel good. Her mood was better than it had been in quite a while and she made a mental note to get herself outside more often. Gary trotted happily in front of her, his tail wagging so hard his whole backside was wiggling.

_‘I guess you don’t get out much either, huh Gary?’_ Erin thought as she watched the little dog. She felt bad that he so rarely got to have a good romp outside, what with her being so busy all the time grading papers and trying to make a good impression at the university. Most of the time she brought him to the school with her, and while his presence there calmed her she sometimes secretly wished she wasn’t quite so dependent on his company. The faculty all knew about him and were as accepting as any of them could be (not that they had much of a choice), but she knew he probably didn’t help them take her seriously. He was a good apartment dog though, for which she was grateful. He hung out there quietly while she graded papers and she always had him right next to her so he wouldn’t be lonely either.

They entered the park and Erin looked around. It was already filling up for the afternoon and people were walking dogs of all sizes. The sight of all the people and big dogs made her a little uncomfortable so she slowly made her way to the edge of the park where there was an empty bench. She sat down, tugging gently on Gary’s leash so he would sit right by her feet. He lay down and rested his head on his paws, happy for a rest after the walk.

Erin closed her eyes and leaned her head back, letting the soft breeze brush against her face and calm her. With a few deep breaths she was beginning to really feel relaxed. She forced her thoughts off of work and the amount of papers she needed to grade and instead focused on the sun and breeze, the sounds of the people in the park and of dogs barking.

Of dogs barking.

Of dogs…

Erin felt a sharp tug on her wrist and by the time she looked up Gary had pulled out of his harness and was gone.

“Gary!” she yelled, jumping up from the bench and turning in a full circle as she looked around frantically for the little dog. She called his name over and over, willing him to come trotting out of the bushes or from across the park, his tail wagging and his tongue hanging out, but he was nowhere to be seen. She could feel eyes on her from all directions and felt trapped as she spun on the spot looking for him.

She sunk back down on the bench at a complete loss for what to do. She wanted to scour the entire park looking for him but she was also afraid that he might come back looking for her and she wouldn’t be there. What if they were both looking for each other and they just missed each other over and over and she never saw him again? What if he wandered out into the road and got hit by a car? What if she couldn’t find him and he had to stay overnight outside by himself? What if someone else saw him walking along on his own and took him home to be their dog? Was he wearing his collar? Did he have his tag with her phone number on it?

The thoughts and questions made her head spin until she had to lean her elbows on her thighs and cradle her head in her hands in an effort to make the thoughts stop long enough that she could _actually think._ This was what she had Gary for. He always helped her feel grounded during times like these when her mind got to be too loud and she couldn’t take it anymore.

Erin tried to breath deeply and calm herself down but she could feel the panic rising in her throat and choking her. She had to come up with a plan to find Gary but she couldn’t make herself get up from the bench. Her breathing was too fast and she could feel the darkness creeping into her vision as she tried her hardest not to pass out right there in the park in front of everyone. This was just another reason she preferred to stay home. Being out in public was just too risky.

Someone touched her shoulder and she released a strangled cry, the touch feeling more like a strike in the moment. She felt the hand pull back but sensed that the person it belonged to was still close. She could feel the air shift as they say down on the bench next to her.

“Hey, can I help you?” came a soft voice just off to her right. “I won’t touch you again, I promise. Just…breathe with me?” The stranger took a deep breath, loud enough that Erin could hear, and guided her through a few deep breaths. At first Erin couldn’t match the breathing pattern, her cycle of hyperventilation too hard to break. After a few minutes of patient coaxing she was able to get a few shaky but deep breaths into her lungs. She was still far from okay, but the darkness was no longer creeping into the corners of her vision and she was able to focus on the grass under her feet and the heavy looking combat boots of her new bench mate.

When she tried to pick her head up out of her hands they shook violently, so she dropped her head down again to steady them. She had to focus to keep her breathing from speeding up again, and her stomach turned as she thought about Gary and where he could be now. The park was large and even though he was small he moved fast. She knew from the times she had taken him out and thrown a ball for him; he would chase it down so fast and imagining him running at that speed now made her heart race.

“My dog,” she managed to croak, speaking mostly into her hands but hoping that her companion could hear her anyway.

“Did he run away?” the woman asked, and Erin assumed she was taking in the leash and empty harness that were still clutched in Erin’s shaking hands. She nodded her head. “Hey, we can find him. I’ll help you, okay? We both will.”

Erin slowly looked up, curiosity getting the best of her now that she was feeling marginally more in control.

“There you are,” the other woman said, her eyes lighting up as she really saw Erin for the first time. “I’m Holtzmann,” she said, moving to extend a hand but stopping at the last moment when she remembered Erin’s reaction to her touch. “This is Schrödinger.” She gestured to the cat sitting in her lap. He, too, was wearing a harness much like Gary’s, and Holtzmann held a leash in her own hand.

“Erin,” Erin replied shakily. She still wasn’t feeling very steady, but Holtzmann’s presence was starting to help her feel better. Her breathing was almost back to normal now, and the shaking in her hands was beginning to subside. She didn’t extend a hand to shake though, still feeling as though any touch would be too much.

“Tell me about your dog?” Holtzmann asked, her voice still soft. Erin appreciated her consciousness. Even the basic sounds from the park were a little too loud in her ears, but if she focused on Holtzmann she felt like she could tune them out a little easier.

“His name is Gary,” Erin said, keeping her eyes trained on Holtzmann instead of what was happening around her. On her hair, her glasses, her scarf, her vest, her cat. “He’s not very big. He’s black and white. French bulldog. He responds to his name, but I called him and he didn’t come back.” She hesitated, not sure if she wanted to tell Holtzmann everything about Gary, but figured that she should if she was going to help her find him. She took another deep breath. “He’s an emotional support dog.”

“Oh wow,” Holtzmann replied, looking genuinely interested. Erin found it within herself to smile a little. Usually when she told people she had an emotional support animal they looked at her funny, like they weren’t sure how to respond or like Erin had just told them she was ill.

Then Holtzmann’s brow furrowed in thought and Erin braced herself for the judgement she was used to. But instead…

“I’ve never heard of a service animal running away.”

Erin paused, having never gotten this far into a conversation about Gary with anyone else. “Well, he’s not actually an emotional support dog. He was in training to be one but he failed out of the program. They call it a ‘career change’ actually. They felt that he was too distractible. But I fell in love with him and we just clicked so I adopted him anyway.” As she reached the end of her story she realized that in telling Holtzmann everything she had begun to feel better. Her breathing was almost completely back to normal and her heart no longer felt like to was about to race right out of her chest. Even the feeling in her fingertips was returning, the shaking almost gone.

Holtzmann was smiling at her. “He sounds like a really special dog,” she said, standing up and finally offering Erin her hand. Erin hesitated just for a moment before taking it and allowing Holtzmann to pull her to her feet. “We should go find him. What does he like?”

“He likes me,” Erin blurted without thinking, not noticing the way Holtzmann’s smile broadened. “He likes to chase tennis balls. And frisbees. Oh, and he likes to eat ice cream.”

“Ice cream!” Holtzmann said, excitement in her eyes. She put Schrödinger down on the ground so he could trot along on his little leash. “Let’s check out the ice cream stand first. I saw it on the other side of the park earlier. If I were a dog I think I’d go for the ice cream first.” She was still holding Erin’s hand and Erin felt herself blush. She was still a little unsteady but having Holtzmann there grounded her in a way no one other than Gary ever had. Even though she was still terrified for Gary she felt comforted at the feeling of Holtzmann’s hand in her own.

They walked through the park at a good pace. Erin didn’t even notice the few people staring at their joined hands and the cat happily walking along on his leash; she was too preoccupied with worry about Gary. Even though she was still a little breathless she didn’t want to slow down because every moment she wasted catching her breath was a moment where Gary could get himself into some kind of trouble without her there to take care of him.

It didn’t take long for them to cross the park and Erin felt her heart skip a beat when they saw the ice cream stand. She broke into a jog, dropping Holtzmann’s hand.

When she got to the stand she looked around frantically for Gary and felt like there was lead resting in her stomach when she didn’t see him anywhere. It only took Holtzmann a moment to catch up with her and Erin saw the look of disappointment on her face.

“Hey,” the owner of the stand called out, noticing that Erin seemed to be looking for something. “Do you know anyone who’s looking for a dog? This little guy showed up and he’s been hanging out with me for about a half an hour now.”

He opened the door to his stand and out trotted Gary, his face covered in vanilla ice cream.

“Gary!” Erin exclaimed, picking him up and hugging him tightly. He squirmed and whimpered a little, annoyed that he wasn’t still eating ice cream and trying to wriggle his way out of her tight grasp. Holtzmann approached her side and held up Gary’s harness and leash.

“You may want to put this on him before he gets away again,” she said, helping Erin calm the squirmy dog down. Together they slipped the harness on him and Holtzmann tightened the straps so he wouldn’t get away again. “He worked the straps loose so he could slip out. He might need a new harness. I can take you to the store where I got Schrödinger’s.”

Erin looked up at Holtzmann, who was focusing on getting Gary secure and didn't even notice her gaze. Up until now she hadn't really taken a good look at this woman because she was so worried about Gary. But now as Holtzmann finally looked up at her and smiled Erin felt a bright red blush starting to spread across her cheeks. 

“Thank you for helping me find him,” she said. Her voice was shaky from emotion again, although she wasn't feeling scared anymore. She was overcome by something else, something she hadn’t felt for another person in a long time, and she didn't know how to handle it. “I don't think I could have done it without you.”

Holtzmann grinned at her, knowing the weight of those words without Erin having to say it. “Want some ice cream?” 

And that was how Erin Gilbert ended up strolling through the park on a Saturday afternoon, ignoring her work and feeling _good_ about it for the first time ever, holding an ice cream cone in one hand and Gary's leash and Holtzmann's hand in the other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, kudos and especially comments make me grin like an idiot at work. :D


	5. Ghost Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Ghost Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for day three of Holtzbert Week!
> 
> The movie Holtzmann chooses for them to watch is from 1963. It's called The Haunting and it still creeps me out to this day. So if you like scary movies, and especially old ones, I suggest you give that one a try. Plus there's definitely gay undertones, so that's a bonus. ;)
> 
> Again, I'm pretty much speed writing these so any mistakes are my own. These aren't as well edited as I would like, but it's a good exercise in getting things written fast! :D

“Hurry up Patty or we’re gonna start without you!”

Movie night was a cherished tradition at the firehouse. All four ladies were very serious about their work, their weeks usually running much longer than the typical forty hours, but by the time Friday night rolled around Abby was always the first to drag the others away from their respective projects, insisting that team bonding was just as important as their work. In her mind, team bonding consisted of sitting around watching a movie on Friday nights.

Sometimes the others complained. Patty was always up for a drinking game to shake things up. When this was suggested Erin would often protest and say that a board game was just as good, to which Patty and Holtzmann would both respond with groans. Holtzmann always suggested that joining her on a dumpster diving expedition would be just as good a bonding activity as anything, since there was no better way to get to know someone than to be stinky with them. This was, of course, met with a resounding “NO” from all parties and Holtzmann would sulk until the next suggestion was made.

In the end, Abby almost always won out. Not only could she be the most aggressive when she wanted to be, but her argument that she was too tired to do anything active but still wanted to hang out as a team was hard to deny.

Once this was settled the debate about which movie to watch was the next to surface.

Abby was an old movie buff. If it was in black and white, she was happy. Patty preferred documentaries. Erin was a secret romantic comedy nerd. Holtzmann liked a little bit of everything, but scary movies were her absolute favorite. She would cackle wildly at any mention of the paranormal, delighted when the movie got something wrong and she could call it out.

They had a scheduled movie rotation to settle any arguments, because if they didn’t then they knew they would spend more time squabbling and less time actually watching the movie. Tonight just happened to be Holtzmann’s night to choose.

“Abby, my dearest, darlingest Abby, I will have you know I chose this movie, which is both scary _and_ old, in the hopes of making up for what I did to your desk this morning.”

Abby glared at her from the armchair she had settled herself in. “Look, if you want to make that up to me you can find me a new desk.”

“Well Abby,” Holtzmann replied, watching her out of the corner of her eye as she played with some wires on their small entertainment center, busy hooking up the old VHS player she had found in the alley beside the firehouse when they first moved in. “If you would come exploring with me you could pick out your own desk. I’d even help you carry it back.”

“You know what, never mind,” Abby said, waving her off. “Just tell us what movie you chose.”

“ _The Haunting,_ ” Holtzmann replied smugly, handing her the case. “It’s in black and white and everything. Now if I can just…” There was a loud pop and a puff of black smoke and suddenly Holtzmann was grinning as she shook her singed hand. “Got it.” She stuck her fingers in her mouth and threw herself onto the love seat across Erin’s legs.

“Ow Holtz,” Erin said, pulling her legs back.

“Sorry,” Holtzmann replied, pulling her fingers out of her mouth and reaching out to pat Erin’s leg with her wet hand.

“Ew, Holtz, no!”

“Patty!” Abby shouted in the direction of the kitchen again. “Get out here before Erin kicks Holtz in the face!”

“E, you wouldn’t!” Holtzmann said, looking at Erin with wide eyes. Erin just raised an eyebrow and mouthed ‘try me.’ Holtzmann crossed her arms and sunk back into the sofa, pouting.

“Do you know how long it takes to pop enough popcorn to keep Holtzy satisfied through a two hour movie?” Patty asked, finally entering the room and passing bowls around to each Ghostbuster, Holtzmann’s being the largest. She stopped pouting at once and stuffed a handful into her mouth. “It’s your turn to make the popcorn next time you little glutton.”

“Blowing things up burns calories,” Holtzmann protested through a full mouth. Erin wrinkled her nose at the sight.

“So if we stop giving you food you’ll stop ruining our furniture?” Abby offered hopefully. Holtzmann glared at her. “Okay, okay. Let’s just start the movie.”

Patty settled into the other poofy armchair (which Holtzmann had found and the others had insisted on sterilizing thoroughly before any of them would sit on it) and Holtzmann pressed play on the movie.

Erin always got a little nervous when it was Holtzmann’s turn to pick the movie. She had always been wary of horror because too often ghost stories reminded her of her own ghost. Busting them was one thing, but watching a movie about them and seeing the characters’ reactions to what was happening got under her skin like no other. It was too easy for her to put herself in their shoes and feel exactly what they would be feeling. Usually she was safe though, as Holtzmann’s choices often turned out to be silly monster movies and Erin could laugh along with the others.

Tonight was different though. As the opening credits rolled Erin felt a chill creep down her spine. None of the other movies they had watched on Holtzmann’s nights had effected her this way from the start and Erin tried to settle in, hoping that it was just the music and eerie atmosphere that was making her skin crawl.

As the movie progressed she found herself more and more immersed in the characters’ lives, especially the main female character. She saw herself in her, viewed as crazy by the other characters and seeing and hearing things that others couldn’t. As the hauntings in the movie became more active she felt herself growing tenser. She shrank into the corner of the little sofa, trying to press as far away from the television as she could without the others noticing.

Abby and Patty were entirely engrossed in the movie and Holtzmann, who had seen it before, was pleased with herself for finding something all three of her friends could watch and enjoy. Usually there was at least one of them who politely watched but ended up looking at their phone, reading a book, or fiddling with tools by the end. She glanced around at her companions, content that she had found a group of women she felt so comfortable with, but when her gaze fell on Erin her heart sank.

Her eyes were wide as she pressed herself into the corner of the sofa. She had a hand pressed to her mouth and her knees drawn up to her chest. Holtzmann knew that horror wasn’t Erin’s favorite, and usually tried to pick movies that she knew wouldn’t bother her. Tonight she hadn’t been thinking when she chose this movie and now that she saw Erin’s reaction she could have kicked herself. Of course this would bother her. She knew in an instant that it had hit too close to home.

Holtzmann cautiously reached out a hand, resting it on Erin’s arm. She jumped about a mile at the contact and Holtzmann felt another rush of guilt. She smiled at her in what she hoped was a reassuring way and tilted her head, wordlessly asking her to come closer. Erin hesitated for a moment and then scooted closer. Holtzmann draped her arm around her shoulders and pulled her against her side, pressing a kiss to her temple. Erin looked up at her with a furrowed brow and Holtzmann just shrugged, turning her attention back to the movie. She could feel Erin relax a minuscule amount as she leaned more heavily against her.

As soon as the movie ended Patty jumped up to flick on the lights.

“Holtzy, I didn’t think you could do it, but I have to admit that did give me chills a lil bit,” she said, rubbing her arms.

“Yeah, good job Holtz,” Abby said. “Usually your horror movies are just kinda dumb, but this one was actually good. I told you everything is better in black and white.”

Holtzmann grinned at her friends, happy for the compliments even though they were a little backhanded. She didn’t mind though; she knew that they were only teasing her. She glanced sideways at Erin who had pulled away from her as soon as the lights came on. She was quiet and her eyes had a slightly faraway look to them even as she laughed at something Abby said to her.

She, Patty, and Abby talked about the movie as they cleaned up the popcorn remnants. Erin still remained silent and Holtzmann couldn’t help but worry about how badly she had frightened her even though it was an accident. She seemed okay though, calling goodnight to everyone as they went their separate ways for the night, so Holtzmann tried to put the incident out of her mind as she slipped into her own room.

She propped up the large shard of mirror she had found and sat down cross-legged in front of it. Her teammates always warned her that she was going to hurt herself one day and that she should really just go buy a normal mirror, but Holtzmann liked the way it looked in her room. She thought it was fitting. It was incomplete but that didn’t mean it was bad or that it didn’t do its job. It was a functional mirror—it just needed a little work.

She slowly began working the pins out of her hair, careful not to get any caught. It was a slow process but one she was used to. She was almost done when she glanced behind her at the reflection of her door and jumped a little. Erin was standing in the doorway watching her.

“Hey E,” she said, smiling at her reflection. Erin returned the smile weakly. She was hugging herself and leaning against the doorframe, looking both tired and tense at the same time. Holtzmann hadn’t realized that the two could exist simultaneously in one person until she met Erin, and now she saw it often. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, Holtz, I’m…fine,” Erin said, fidgeting a little. She looked like she wanted to jump out of her skin and Holtzmann turned around fully to look at her.

“Are you sure E? You don’t look okay.”

“I—Holtzmann, can I…”

Suddenly it clicked and Holtzmann slowly lowered her hands from her hair, setting the pins on the ground next to her as she took in Erin’s body language. It didn’t happen too often but she had seen Erin like this before and she knew what might help.

“E, do you want to stay with me tonight?” she asked, tilting her head. Erin’s eyes were wide when she looked at her and her shoulders were hunched. She seemed to struggle internally for a moment, fidgeting on the spot again. Then she nodded uncertainly and Holtzmann grinned. “Go ahead then.”

After another moment of uncomfortable squirming Erin bolted, diving into Holtzmann’s bed and burrowing until she was completely hidden under the blankets. Holtzmann chuckled a little and finished pulling the pins out of her hair, running her fingers through it once it was loose and wincing a little when she was met with snags. The lump of blankets on her bed was entirely silent as she kicked off the sweat pants she had been wearing, leaving her in just her boxers, striped socks, and an oversized T-shirt. She approached the bed cautiously, having to resist the urge to reach out and prod the blankets. 

“Hey, E?” she whispered. “I can’t really tell where you are, so I’m just gonna turn off the light and climb in, okay? I can sleep on the floor or downstairs on the sofa if you’d prefer. Speak now or forever hold your peace?” 

“Please stay here with me,” came the muffled reply from underneath the blankets and Holtzmann smiled again. She padded over to flick off the light and then shuffled her way back to the bed, trying to avoid tripping over any of the random items she had littering her floor. 

“Incoming,” she whispered, carefully climbing onto the bed. All of the blankets she owned shifted over to make room for her and she sighed, realizing too late that Erin was definitely a blanket thief. She began lifting them and straightening them out, searching for her new bedmate.

Finally she found her at the very bottom of the entire pile of blankets. She was lying on her side, facing Holtzmann, her knees drawn up to her chest to mirror her earlier position from during the movie. “I’m sorry,” she murmured, looking painfully self-conscious. 

“Don’t be sorry, E,” Holtzmann replied, reaching out a hand to brush some hair away from her face. She let her hand trail down and around, loosening Erin’s hair from its ponytail. She watched her eyes flutter shut at the touch. “If anyone should be sorry it’s me. I should have realized that movie would bother you.”

“No, it’s stupid,” Erin replied. “I’m stupid. I won’t ever be anything but Ghost Girl and everyone will either tiptoe around me or laugh at me forever. I hate it. I hate me.”

“Then I’ll love you enough for both of us?” Holtzmann offered, her hand still stroking through Erin’s hair. Even in the dim light coming from the windows she could see Erin’s eyes snap open. She realized what she had said too late but found that didn’t regret it in the slightest. She smiled and leaned in to press a kiss to her forehead. “How can I make you feel better?”

Erin hesitated for a moment, looking torn and confused. “Hold me?” she finally offered up, her voice cautiously hopeful. Holtzmann wrapped her arms around her and rolled onto her back, carrying Erin with her so she was resting almost fully on top of her. She ran her hands up and down her back, hoping that she was soothing her instead of making her feel more uncomfortable. She felt Erin relax against her and even thought she heard a sigh.

“How’s this, E?” she asked, resting her chin on top of Erin’s head. She could feel her breath against her collarbone and resisted the urge to shiver at the sensation. 

Erin on the other hand was feeling increasingly confused. She still felt like she wanted to crawl out of her own skin in fear, but at the same time she was painfully aware of how soft Holtzmann was underneath her. The more she focused on the physical sensations surrounding her the less afraid she felt until slowly, with every pass Holtzmann’s hands made over her back, she found that her fear had dissipated almost entirely.

“Better,” she managed to croak after several minutes had passed. “This is better Holtzmann. Thank you.” She felt a sudden surge of concern that she was intruding too much on Holtzmann’s personal space and pulled back so she could sit up and look her in the eye. “I can go. I don’t want to be a bother.” She made to stand up but stopped when Holtzmann’s hand closed around her wrist. 

“Don’t go,” she said quietly. Erin was momentarily taken aback by this version of Holtzmann. Everything about her was quiet, not just her voice. There was no fidgeting or dancing. She wasn’t cracking jokes and for once her hands were not busy with some kind of project or idle preoccupation. She was lying there, subdued, her hair loose and spread out on the pillow beneath her, and everything about her looked so soft bathed in the city lights coming from the windows. “I mean, you can go if you want to. But don’t go because of me. I—ah, I like having you here.” If Erin wasn’t mistaken because of the low light she would have sworn she saw a blush creep across her cheeks. “You’re my favorite Ghost Girl,” she added with a smile.

Erin found it within herself to actually chuckle. There was a warm feeling deep in the pit of her stomach and though she knew it probably meant complicated feelings in the long run, for now it just felt so _good._

“Okay,” she said, lying back down so that she was side by side with Holtzmann. She lay stiff for a moment, the only contact between them being their arms pressed together, and then she grew bold. She curled into Holtzmann’s side and felt more than heard her breathe a relieved sigh. She toyed with the hem of Holtzmann’s T-shirt, suddenly wanting nothing more than to slide her hand up underneath it and feel skin. When Holtzmann rolled slightly toward her and her shirt rode up on its own Erin took the opportunity and traced the waistband of her boxers, pleased when she heard her suck in a surprised breath. 

“Wow,” Holtzmann breathed, and Erin could smell her toothpaste. “Maybe I should scare you more often.”

“If I promise to do this again will you promise not to do that?” Erin asked, genuine concern seeping into her light tone of voice. Holtzmann chuckled. 

“I wouldn’t do it anyway,” she replied, pressing their foreheads together. “But since you made the offer…” She leaned in, pausing just a breath away from Erin’s lips to give her the chance to say no if she wanted to. When Erin said nothing she closed the gap, pressing their lips together. 

If Erin’s fear had been subsiding before, now it was gone altogether. The feeling of Holtzmann’s lips against her own was enough to light up the whole room and she could barely remember what she had been afraid of in the first place. 

“Where were you all my life?” Erin asked as she pulled away just slightly, knowing it sounded cheesy but wishing she had had Holtzmann there to chase her fears away all along.

Holtzmann shrugged. She looked nonchalant but the brightness in her eyes gave her away. “Dunno,” she replied, scooting closer and wrapping her arms tighter around Erin with a yawn. “But I’m here now. And I’m good at making up for lost time. Will you let me, Ghost Girl?”

Erin had never imagined the nickname could sound so good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> I was drawing from my own experience when I wrote how Erin was feeling and I hope it came across alright. When I get really scared (sometimes for no reason at all), I literally feel like I want to crawl out of my own skin or take off running. I guess when it comes to fight or flight I'm very flight. lol I figured Erin would react similarly with her personal history.
> 
> Once again, kudos and comments make me a very happy camper!!!


	6. Medium Poof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Medium Poof

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, so I said I wanted to write smut for at least one of these prompts. Just so you're warned, here it is! I definitely didn't mean to write over 3k of smut when I need to be up for work in the morning, but hey, what's adulting anyway?
> 
> Again, it's late and this is mostly unedited. Any mistakes are my own and please forgive my sleep deprived brain! x.x
> 
> I really hope y'all enjoy this. I still get really nervous posting this kind of thing. *hides*

The bust had been a harrowing one right from the very start. The location was an old hotel, scheduled for renovation which had been put on hold by the rather aggressive apparitions that had taken up residence there. Even Patty couldn’t identify where the ghosts had come from, and in the end the Ghostbusters had just assumed that they were wandering spirits that needed a place to call home. They had been at it for at least an hour when Abby suggested they split up to cover ground more quickly, all of them tiring out fast. She pointed to the staircase, instructing Erin and Holtzmann to take the top floors while she and Patty took the lower ones.

Erin hesitated, hating it when Abby asked them to split up. While Ghostbusting had become second nature to her she still got nervous when she had to leave any of her friends behind.

“Come on E,” Holtzmann said, tugging at her arm. Erin followed her reluctantly, looking back to see Abby nod encouragingly at her. They set off up the stairs, not trusting the elevator in a place like this to even work.

“Let’s start at the very top,” Holtzmann said, hurrying ahead of her with seemingly endless energy. “Maybe we can drive the ghosts down and they can drive them up and we can meet in the middle. The quicker we finish this bust the quicker we can get back to what we were doing.” She shot a wink over her shoulder, delighted to see Erin blushing bright red.

Erin cleared her throat and tugged at her collar, suddenly feeling quite warm. She knew what Holtzmann wanted. When the bust had been called in they had been in the middle of an impromptu make out session that was very quickly becoming heated and remembering it made the heat from her face travel south rather quickly.

“Holtzmann, hush. Not here,” she hissed, speeding up her pace to try to catch up with her girlfriend. She could hear her cackling a landing above her.

“Let’s hope you don’t get slimed this time. Or maybe we should hope you do. That would be an excuse for me to join you in the shower.”

_“Holtzmann.”_

When they reached the top floor it was eerily quiet. Everything had been in such chaos downstairs where they had been busting up until now that Erin felt the hairs on her arms stand up at the heavy feeling of silence that settled over them now.

“I don’t know if I like this, E,” Holtzmann muttered, waiting for her to catch up so they could stick close as they slowly made their way down the hallway. Her bravado from the stairwell was gone as they crept along, tense and braced for a ghost to pop out from nowhere. “Hey, anyone here?” she called out, making Erin jump. She ran into Holtzmann’s back when the engineer stopped suddenly in front of her.

“Don’t do that!” she exclaimed, pressing a hand over her heart to try to stop its racing. When Holtzmann was curiously quiet she looked up, feeling like her heart had stopped entirely.

The hallway in front of them was filled with ghosts, all approaching them menacingly. Holtzmann began backing up, pushing Erin with her, as she unholstered her proton gun. Erin did the same, moving to stand next to her.

The both fired, disintegrating ghost after ghost. It seemed like for every one they hit two more took its place. They were steadily backing up, getting closer and closer to being cornered when Holtzmann suddenly yanked Erin to the side, ducking into a small room off the hallway.

“Get behind me,” she said, pulling something off her proton pack. Erin caught sight of what looked like a grenade before Holtzmann pulled the pin out with her teeth and chucked it into the hallway. “It’s just a small poof but I haven’t actually tested it yet. Get down!” She pulled Erin to the floor and covered her with her body seconds before there was a huge explosion. Erin felt the floor shake underneath them and heard the sound of concrete falling.

After what seemed like forever the sounds and shaking finally subsided, leaving them coughing through the cloud of dust that had been thrown into the air around them.

“Small poof?” Erin shouted, choking on the dust. “ _Small poof?_ Holtzmann!”

“Okay, okay, it was a medium poof. Oh no…”

She had gotten to her feet and offered a hand, pulling Erin to her feet as well. As the dust cleared all they could see was a pile of rubble in front of them. Holtzmann’s new grenade had caused the walls to collapse, effectively trapping them in the little room.

Before Erin could even begin to decide what to start yelling at Holtzmann the walkie talkie on her hip crackled to life.

_‘Are you two okay? Patty and I just heard this horrible crashing sound upstairs. We’re coming up.’_

Erin pulled the walkie talkie from her hip, glaring at Holtzmann as she pressed the button. “We’re fine Abby, but we seem to be trapped. Holtzmann brought along another untested weapon and caved a wall in. We’re on the top floor. Be careful.”

 _‘Aw, come on,’_ came Patty’s voice this time. _‘Lemme guess, she said it would be a small poof didn’t she?’_

Despite her annoyance at the situation and at her girlfriend Erin had to smile at Patty’s words. “Yes, that’s exactly what she said. I don’t think small poofs actually exist with her—“

Holtzmann snatched the walkie talkie out of her hand, mashing the button with her thumb so she could speak with Patty. “She’s lying. That was a medium poof and you all know it.”

 _‘Holtzy, I hate to think what a large poof would look like with you—oh no…’_ There was static on the other end of the line for a moment and Erin crossed the small distance between her and Holtz so she could hear better. _‘Guys, this is bad. Holtzy, you didn’t cave the wall in. You caved the whole_ ceiling _in. We’re gonna have to call someone for this. You two think you can hang tight in there?’_

Erin felt her heart rate speed up, and when she saw the wide eyed expression on Holtzmann’s face she couldn’t help but forgive her just a little. She looked so guilty that if the situation weren’t so bad she would have laughed. She took the walkie talkie out of her hand gently, using her other hand to squeeze her shoulder. “We’ll be okay. Just…try to get someone fast?”

 _‘Of course,’_ Abby was back on the line now. _‘We’re gonna stop talking now until we hear from someone, okay? I don’t know how good the batteries are in these things and I want to make sure we conserve them. Just stay calm, we’re going for help now.’_

More static, and then Patty was on the line again.

_‘To your credit Holtzy, whatever that was you threw seemed to work. There were only a few ghosts left to bust. Good job baby. I want one of those things later.’_

There was the faint sound of squabbling on the other end and then the line went silent. Holtzmann slumped to the floor, leaning against the wall and putting her head in her hands.

“Erin, I’m sorry,” she said, her voice a little muffled. “I really didn’t know it was going to do that. I know I shouldn’t bring untested weapons with us on busts. I just thought it was gonna be cool and I really wanted to try it out.”

“Holtz, it’s okay,” Erin said, surprising herself. As she sat down next to her and put an arm around her shoulders she found that her anger had dissipated when she saw how dejected the engineer looked. “You get excited and it’s adorable.” She could hear Holtzmann scoff and smiled, leaning her head against her shoulder. “You smell like dust and sweat.”

“Sexy.”

Erin was about to retort when the walkie talkie crackled to life again in her hands.

_‘We talked to the guys in charge of making the renovations. We have good news and bad news. The good news is that they have some of the machinery they’ll need to get you out on hand. The bad news is that since it’s a weekend they have to get their guys here, which could take a little while. They said they should be able to clear a path for you to get out within the hour. Are you two going to be okay in there until then?’_

Erin sighed and then sneezed, the settling dust irritating her nose. “Yeah, I think we’ll manage. An hour you said? Honestly I expected it to be worse. Just keep us updated, will you?”

_‘We will. You two do the same. We need to know that you’re alive in there. I don’t think we’d have the heart to bust your ghosts.’_

“Thanks Abby.” Erin clicked the walkie talkie off and looked at Holtzmann, who still had her head in her hands. “Hey, what kind of room do you think this is?” she asked, trying to distract the engineer from her guilty feelings.

“Laundry room,” came the muffled reply. Erin rolled her eyes, wracking her brain to think of a way to get Holtzmann to lighten up. She knew she felt bad about what had happened but in the long run it really was an accident and Erin hoped she had learned her lesson from it, too. She hated to see her girlfriend upset though, especially when it was over a mistake she had made. Holtzmann was notorious for kicking herself much harder than was necessary when she messed up.

“Holtz, cheer up. Come on, please?” When there was still no response, Erin stood, another idea popping into her head. It was a crazy idea, and one she would have expected from Holtzmann faster than from herself, but they had to do _something_ to kill time while they were waiting to be rescued.

Erin unzipped her coveralls, securing them around her waist by tying the sleeves together the way she had seen Holtzmann do many times. Underneath she wore a simple tank top and old sports bra, having learned from experience not to wear anything the cared too much about to a bust.

Holtzmann looked up at the sound of the zipper, her eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“What are you doing?”

Erin shrugged. “Just got hot,” she said, winking at her. She offered her a hand. “Come here.”

Holtzmann took her hand and stood somewhat reluctantly, obviously still down about the mistake she had made. Once she was on her feet Erin put her hands on her shoulders, shoving her hard against the wall and pressing a hungry kiss to her mouth. Holtzmann made a surprised sound and pulled away.

“E?” she asked, her eyes wide and every trace of guilt gone from her features. “What?”

“We’re stuck in her for at least an hour Holtzmann,” Erin replied, leaning so she could kiss just under her ear. She tasted like dust but when she moaned and her hands found Erin’s waist, her fingernails digging into her sides, she found that she didn’t care. “We have to pass the time somehow and if I’m remembering correctly we were very rudely interrupted earlier.” She pulled away and when she saw how dark Holtzmann’s eyes had gotten she licked her lips.

“Erin, are you sure?” she asked, knowing how uncomfortable something like this would normally make the physicist.

“What do you think?” Erin asked, stepping forward so she was flush against her, pushing her back into the wall as her fingers found the zip on Holtzmann’s coveralls. Holtzmann felt her knees buckle when Erin undid the zipper and slid her hand inside. Holtzmann wore nothing but a sports bra and her boxers underneath her uniform, preferring the ease of movement when on a bust. Now, she realized, her usual lack of clothing was proving itself useful for another reason. Erin trailed a hand down her bare back, scratching lightly with her fingernails and sending a shiver down Holtzmann’s spine.

Not the type to be one upped, Holtzmann’s fingers found the hem of Erin’s shirt, quickly rolling it up and over her head. Her bra was quick to follow. Holtzmann knew they couldn’t dawdle, what with the workers trying to get them out as fast as they could. She dipped her head, taking Erin’s breast into her mouth and pulling a quiet moan from deep inside her. She took advantage of the distraction to untie the sleeves from around her waist, letting the coveralls pool on the floor around her ankles.

“Erin Gilbert,” she said, pulling away just enough so she could look at her girlfriend’s almost naked body. “Are those my boxers?”

“They’re comfortable,” Erin replied defensively. “And it’s laundry day,” she added, tugging on Holtzmann’s coveralls until they joined her own on the floor. Holtzmann kicked them away from her and Erin stepped closer again, leaning in and nipping her neck. Holtzmann’s hands found their way down to Erin’s backside, pulling her closer and bucking against her hips when she bit down again just beneath her ear.

“I like them on you,” she said when she was able to catch her breath. She played with the waistband, toying with the idea of taking them off completely and then changing her mind. She wanted to see them on Erin for just a little longer. “But I’m afraid we might ruin them.”

“That’s okay,” Erin whispered, working her hand underneath Holtzmann’s bra so she could brush her thumb over her nipple. “I’ll owe you.” She pulled the bra off over her head and replaced her hand with her mouth, allowing her now free hand to trail down the engineer’s stomach and under her waistband. “Actually, it looks like I’ll owe you two pair.”

Holtzmann gasped when she felt Erin’s fingers brush against her clit, her hips bucking again.

“You’re so wet,” Erin whispered against her ear, making her shiver. It surprised her a little too, but not really because she knew full well what watching Erin during a bust did to her. Doing this on a bust was one of her wildest fantasies but she had never expected that she would be able to talk high-strung Erin into actually living it out, much less initiating it.

She was almost gone before Erin even touched her, but Erin seemed determined to drag things out. She took her time, pressing two fingers against her clit just lightly enough that she couldn’t come, before moving lower and opening her up, circling around her entrance teasingly. She sucked her nipple into her mouth, using her teeth just a little until Holtzmann was practically begging for her release. She repeated the motion several times until Holtzmann whined.

“Erin—please…” She wrapped her arms around Erin’s shoulders, knowing that the angle must be awkward but not caring because the only other option was her hitting the floor. Erin answered her plea by swiftly sliding two fingers inside her and curling them. Holtzmann’s hips found rhythm with Erin’s hand but it only took a few strokes before the rhythm was lost and she tightened around Erin’s fingers with a quiet cry. Erin curled her fingers again, trying to draw out her orgasm as long as she could until Holtzmann slumped against her.

As Holtzmann came down she leaned heavily against the physicist, trying desperately to catch her breath. After a moment Erin withdrew her fingers and Holtzmann was about to protest the loss of contact when she saw her slip them into her mouth. “Oh my God.”

They were both pulled out of the moment when a loud noise came from the pile of rubble next to them. A beat later the walkie talkie came to life on the floor where it had been dropped.

_‘Are you two still okay in there? They’ve started shifting the concrete but it’s still gonna be a bit.’_

“We’re fine,” Erin said after grabbing the walkie talkie from the floor. She kept her eyes glued on Holtzmann, who had leaned her head back against the wall and was taking deep breaths as she continued to come down. “We’re just fine.”

_‘Okay, good. See you soon we hope.’_

“Thanks Abby,” Erin said. She set the walkie talkie back down on the floor and turned to Holtzmann, opening her mouth to speak but finding herself cut off by Holtzmann’s lips as the engineer practically jumped her. She spun them around and pressed Erin against the wall, mirroring their earlier position. She peppered her neck and chest with kisses and Erin’s hands found their way to her hair.

“Holtz,” she said, her breath taken away by the sudden turn of events. “They’re starting to get through. I don’t think we have time.” Her words were punctuated by the sound of concrete shifting on the other side of the cave in.

“You’d better be quick then,” Holtzmann replied, her eyes shining as she dropped to her knees and pulled her boxers down all in one swift motion. The back of Erin’s head hit the wall with a thud, the sensations and visual too much for her. “Is this okay?”

When Erin gave her a shaky nod Holtzmann lifted her leg and hooked it over her shoulder before leaning in and pressing her tongue flat against Erin’s center with no warning. Erin gasped and threaded her hands more securely into her hair, trying her hardest to stay silent. The sounds of concrete shifting made her tense, worried that they would get discovered at any moment, but Holtzmann’s familiarity with her body was an advantage they had. Erin was close to begin with after watching Holtzmann come, and it didn’t take long before she fell apart herself. She bit her lip painfully in an effort to keep quiet and Holtzmann caught her gently as she slid down the wall, her legs no longer holding her up.

Holtzmann kissed her soundly and Erin groaned when she tasted herself on the engineer’s tongue. “We should get dressed,” she murmured as her breathing started to return to normal. Holtzmann whined against her mouth, wanting to stay there and bask for a little longer, but as soon as Erin regained her strength she gently pushed her off of her, reaching for her coveralls.

Just as Holtzmann zipped her own coveralls up there was a sudden light as the last chunk of concrete was shifted out of the way.

“Are you ladies alright in there?” came the voice of one of the construction workers. He stepped back so the two of them could squeeze through the gap.

“Never better!” Holtzmann chirped, grinning from ear to ear as she turned and helped Erin regain her footing as she emerged from the room.

“Oh my God,” Abby said as she took in their disheveled appearance. She shook her head. “You didn’t.”

“Didn’t what?” Holtzmann asked, the picture of innocence. Erin felt herself blush and knew that she had given them away. Patty just shook her head.

“Baby, your uniform says Gilbert,” she said, pointing at Holtzmann’s chest. She looked down at herself.

“Huh, so it does,” she said, looking over to Erin who looked mortified, standing there in her coveralls that plainly said ‘Holtzmann.’ 

“You know what, don’t tell us. We don’t wanna know,” Patty said as she and Abby turned away, heading down the hallway for the stairwell, continuing to shake their heads.

“How about round two in the shower when we get back?” Holtzmann said eagerly before taking off after their friends. “You deserve more than I had time to give you. Race you to the car!”

“Holtzmann!” Erin called after her, sighing when she disappeared around the corner. “Thank you for getting us out,” she said politely to one of the construction workers before taking off after her girlfriend. “Holtz, wait!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, I hope that read okay! I'm still waaaay out of practice writing sexytimes, so I really hope this worked. Let me know in the comments if you liked it. ;)


	7. Who You Gonna Call?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, wow, it's been a month since Holtzbert Week happened, but here I am, still finishing prompts! This one has been a looong time coming actually, since before Holtzbert Week was even announced, and I decided it fit with this prompt. 
> 
> I blame Dreamshaper for putting the idea in my head with chapter 73 of "Bite-Sized" way back in...January I think it was. So, yep, this is partially for you, partially for the anon who prompted me: "I'd love a ficlet where Erin is there when Rowan possesses Abby and dangles Holtz out the window and the danger makes her realize what she feels for everyone's fav engineer," and partially for Holtzbert Week. 
> 
> It's long, so get comfortable!

It hadn’t been long since Erin had left the Ghostbusters Headquarters. Her intention was never to leave permanently; she just needed some time to really come to terms with what she had gotten herself into. She knew from the very beginning that she was going to go back because really, where else could she go? Columbia had fired her and she had fully embraced her new job and friends, leaving behind the memories of Ghost Girl as best she could.

Now her heart felt like it was about to pound its way out of her chest as she hurriedly got dressed and put her shoes on. She was thankful that her apartment was close to Headquarters, as she didn’t want to take the time to hail a taxi and navigate traffic. She would be faster on foot.

Their fight with Rowan was far from over and as far as she knew she was the only one of them aware that he was still a threat. Abby, Patty, and Holtzmann were still at Headquarters, probably working on some new research and inventions, completely unaware that they could all be attacked at any moment. They needed to alert the mayor, yes, but Erin was more concerned with the well-being of her friends.

She pounded up the stairs of the restaurant, kicking herself the whole way for leaving in the first place. She had been so stupid, thinking this whole thing was over and that she had any right to leave her fellow Ghostbusters behind so she could mope about her public image. The news report and the punch she had thrown were the last things on her mind now, because as she reached the top of the stairs, breathless, she could hear a commotion going on on the other side of the door.

She threw the door open just in time to see Abby lift Holtzmann off the ground, a hand closed around her neck.

“Abby!” she shouted, at the same moment Patty yelled, “Holtzy!” They rushed forward together, both intending to break Abby’s grip, but before they could do anything Abby had broken the window with Holtzmann’s body.

Erin couldn’t think, her body acting on its own will as she tried to force her way past Abby to get to Holtzmann. This obviously wasn’t really Abby, and Erin knew deep in her gut that she was too late to warn them about Rowan. She hadn’t entirely processed what was happening yet, her brain still fighting to catch up with the scene playing out before her, but she knew that this incident and the pictures she had found scrawled in their book must be connected. It was too much of a coincidence otherwise.

Her scattered thoughts were interrupted when Abby let go of Holtzmann with no warning. Erin screamed, lunging for the window, and for a split second that felt like an eternity her heart actually stopped. In her mind’s eye she saw Holtzmann falling and hitting the pavement, but Patty was faster, knocking Abby out of the way and snagging Holtzmann by the arm at the last second. Her body hit the side of the building with a sickening _thud_ that made Erin’s whole being ache in sympathy.

Erin turned just as Abby was making for the window again and blocked her as best she could. They struggled for a moment before Erin caught a sharp backhand across the face and hit the floor. She saw stars and when her vision finally cleared again Patty was fighting against Abby, trying to knock her off long enough to drag Holtzmann back through the window. By the time the room stopped spinning around her Patty had pulled Holtzmann up and dropped her on the floor, continuing her battle with the possessed Abby.

Erin crawled to where Holtzmann was coughing and trying to catch her breath.

“Oh my God,” Erin said, placing a hand on her back. She could feel how labored her breathing was and wondered briefly if they should take her to a hospital. Holtzmann rolled onto her back, her eyes closed as she tried to get her breathing under control. Her hand came up to massage at her neck, which had turned a bright red. “Holtz, are you okay?”

“Fine,” she croaked, and almost knocked heads with Erin as she sat up suddenly to watch the ghost of Rowan fly over their heads and vanish out the window. Her hand latched onto Erin’s arm and she hauled them both to their feet, rushing to the window just in time to see Kevin possessed by the spirit.

“Come on, we gotta go get Kevin!” Abby yelled, hurrying past them to where their proton packs were hanging. She froze when she saw them, her whole being seeming to deflate as she took in the damage she had caused. “Holtz, I’m so sorry.” Holtzmann came to stand next to her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“It wasn’t your fault,” she rasped, before clearing her throat painfully. Abby looked at her guiltily, looking as though she might cry, and Holtzmann gave her a weak but reassuring smile in return. “I can fix them.” She pulled Abby’s pack from where it hung and had received the most damage and set it on her workbench. Abby steeled herself and moved away to gather their suits and Patty went to ready the car. Erin cautiously came to stand next to Holtzmann, hovering nervously.

As much as she knew she should be helping the other two get ready for what was sure to be their biggest bust yet, she was more concerned with Holtzmann at the moment. She had been lifted by the throat and shoved bodily through a window after all. An image of the engineer falling from the second story window kept playing itself over and over in front of her eyes and she couldn’t stop thinking about what could have happened if she and Patty hadn’t been there.

She placed a hand on Holtzmann’s back gently, pulling away again when the woman jumped.

“Sorry,” she said, feeling a little cowed under the engineer’s sudden scrutiny. “Is there…anything I can do to help?”

“Here,” Holtzmann said, pausing to clear her throat again before continuing. “Hold this.”

Erin moved a little closer so she could give Holtzmann the extra set of hands she needed, brushing up against her as she did. She was close enough that she could count every one of Holtzmann’s eyelashes and she struggled to stop her mind from playing every bad scenario over and over again. This ghostbusting business was more dangerous than she had ever anticipated, and now that she had realized it she couldn’t stop thinking about it. Sure, they hadn’t lost Holtzmann this time, but what about when they went after the Rowan-possessed-Kevin? Would something happen to her then? Or to Abby or Patty?

“Holtz,” she said quietly before she could stop herself, startled to hear the tremor in her own voice. She didn’t understand the sudden upsurge of emotions she was experiencing, but when Holtzmann looked up from the pack Erin realized that all she would have to do was lean in and she could kiss her. Not that she wanted to. Did she? The unexpected thought took her by surprise.

Holtzmann looked contemplative in a way Erin hadn’t seen since she told them her Ghost Girl story over pizza. She reached up and brushed a finger across Erin’s cheekbone and she winced, not understanding why it hurt so much until she remembered the backhand she had received from Abby.

“She really got you,” Holtzmann whispered, and Erin wondered how painful it was for her to speak. She was inspecting the darkening bruise closely and Erin wanted simultaneously to take a step both backwards and forwards. “You could use some ice.”

“Not now,” Erin replied, turning her attention back to the proton pack on the workbench before their proximity got to be too much for her. She could feel her heart racing in her chest and took a deep breath to steady herself. It didn’t work. “We have bigger things to worry about right now.” She felt Holtzmann’s gaze on her for a moment longer before releasing a silent sigh of relief when she, too, looked back down at the pack.

It didn’t take them long to finish fixing the packs, Abby’s having taken on the brunt of the damage, and before Erin knew it they were zipped into their coveralls and headed toward the Mercado. She spent the ride down trying to prepare herself for whatever was lying in wait for them, but she also found her eyes straying to Holtzmann more than usual. She told herself that she was just concerned for her wellbeing, and she did seem a little pale. She thought her demeanor was a little strange as well. She was joking with Patty like nothing had happened, but somehow her heart seemed less into it than was typical.

*****

Erin hadn’t thought she would ever get the hang of being in battle with ghosts. Seeing Gertrude Aldridge had been a heart-stopping experience. At the time, she and Abby had been ecstatic about finally seeing a ghost, but that night she had woken up with nightmares for the first time in months. The first time they had actually tried to catch one had been exciting, sure, but she had almost been hit by the train and the slime had gotten her once again. By the time they were hunting the ghost in the concert venue she was feeling more confident in their skills, but then the need to prove herself had gotten the best of her and Martin Heiss had ended up being on the receiving end of the ghosts wrath and her confidence had been shaken once again.

But this, being in battle with hundreds of them, rolling and diving and working with her friends to not just get rid of the ghosts but to actually save the whole of New York, this had been an adrenaline pumping experience. Erin had never felt so in the moment, and when she had dived into the portal after Abby she had done it on such an impulse that she had surprised even herself. All she had known in the moment was that she couldn’t leave her best friend behind again. She couldn’t let her disappear into whatever lay beyond without at least trying to rescue her.

And now…now she was exhausted. After they had finally finished speaking with the press, who had insisted on asking questions despite the mayor’s efforts to keep things quiet, they had piled into one of the government cars that either Agent Hawkins or Agent Rourke (she still couldn’t keep them straight in her mind) was driving. They had kindly offered to take them back to their Headquarters as the first of many thank yous they now owed them.

Erin twisted in her seat to look out the back window. She had to be absolutely sure that Abby and Patty were in the car following them. Reassured that her friends were indeed there and hadn’t been carried away by a ghost they had missed, she leaned back into the seat with an exhausted sigh. She glanced sideways at Holtzmann, who had been suspiciously silent once the adrenaline had worn off.

“How’s your neck?” she asked softly so the driver wouldn’t hear. The engineer jumped a little, obviously deep in her own thoughts. She stared at Erin for just a few moments longer than was comfortable before scooting closer on the seat and leaning her head against her shoulder with a groan. “That good, huh?” Holtzmann didn’t respond, instead curling further into Erin, who tentatively wrapped an arm around her shoulders. This was unsettlingly comfortable, and Erin found herself both relieved and disappointed when the ride was over.

Holtzmann scooted away from her without a word, hopping out of the car to start unloading the packs. Erin followed a little slower, trying to work out how she was feeling about their short ride. She must just be exhausted. Of course. That was it.

Once they had hauled their gear upstairs all four women collapsed into booths. They were worn out both physically and emotionally from what they had just been through but still felt a strong need to be together.

“Ladies, I love y’all. You know I love y’all,” Patty piped up after they had been sitting in silence for so long that Erin was beginning to drift off sitting up in her booth. “But I think I need to go home for the night. Recharge and all that.”

Abby nodded her agreement. “We should celebrate,” she said. “But I still feel nauseous and I need to shower that creep off of me.” Her gaze fell on Holtzmann, who was resting her head on her hand and staring blankly into space, sitting more still than any of them had ever seen her sit. “I really am sorry about what happened Holtzmann. I feel terrible.” Holtzmann waved her off, shaking her head and scrunching her nose up in a way that said it was nothing, although Erin had to wonder if it really was just nothing. Abby looked over to her too, wincing at the bruise on her cheek that she had almost forgotten about among the other aches and pains her body was now experiencing. “You too Erin. And Patty. I really am sorry.”

“You couldn’t do anything about it Abby,” Erin said. She wanted to get up and hug her friend but exhaustion kept her firmly planted in her booth. “Please don’t beat yourself up over it.” Abby smiled weakly at her but the smile fell almost immediately.

They split ways not long after, each dragging themselves off to their own apartment. Erin hung around Headquarters long enough to see that Holtzmann had gone home instead of hanging around at her workbench as she had been guilty of doing in the past.

Now, about eight hours later, Erin was sitting on her sofa, wrapped in her housecoat with a glass of wine in her hand and a book forgotten in her lap. It was nine in the evening and she was just beginning to think about turning in early when her phone buzzed on the table, startling her out of her stupor. She picked it up and opened the message, smiling instinctively at the screen.

 

_Holtz [9:05 P.M.]: Are you still awake?_

 

_Erin [9:06 P.M.]: I am._

 

Just moments after sending the text Erin’s phone began to ring, Holtzmann’s name glowing on the screen.

“Hey Holtz,” she said, answering before it could ring a second time. She hadn’t realized how much she was already missing the other Ghostbusters until she picked up. There was a moment of silence on the other end and Erin wondered if Holtzmann had dialed her number by accident.

“Hey,” Holtzmann said quietly on the other end. She sounded surprisingly subdued and Erin grew worried.

“Holtz, are you alright?” she asked, sitting upright on the sofa and setting her glass down.

“I’m fine,” came Holtzmann’s raspy whisper. Erin could sense that she was not, indeed, fine.

“Holtzmann, what’s wrong?” she asked, getting up from her sofa. She was genuinely worried now, and she had slipped her shoes on before she even got the chance to hear Holtzmann’s next words. She couldn’t help thinking about how banged up she had gotten earlier in the day. Hell, Erin was aching from the battle, and if she was hurting she couldn’t imagine how Holtzmann had to be feeling. “Do you want me to come over?”

“No, I’m okay,” Holtzmann replied, still in the same, strange tone as before. “I just—“ the line went quiet when her voice broke and Erin grabbed her purse and keys.

“Holtzmann, I’m coming over.”

*****

Erin had only been to Holtzmann’s apartment once, and that was only in passing because the engineer had forgotten one of her tools and had insisted that they stop on the way home from a bust. Erin hadn’t thought twice when leaving her own apartment and was thankful that none of them lived too far apart when she arrived at Holtzmann’s building not fifteen minutes after leaving her own.

She had stayed on the phone with the engineer on the way over, continuing to argue with her, which was an easy feat because Holtzmann still seemed reluctant to talk. In the end she had given in, telling Erin that she really didn’t need to come over but allowing it anyway. When Erin arrived she buzzed her up without a word and Erin climbed the stairs, her concern growing with every step.

“Holtzmann,” she called, knocking on the door. She could hear movement on the other side of the door and stepped back, but when Holtzmann swung the door open she stepped forward again almost immediately. “Holtz, what’s wrong?”

The engineer’s eyes were red rimmed like she had been crying and she had some kind of housecoat on and pulled tightly around her neck. Seeing her again took Erin’s breath away. She had just seen her a few hours ago, and yet something had changed since that morning. Something had _shifted_ within her and she was afraid to think too hard about what it might mean.

“I told you I’m fine,” Holtzmann rasped, but stepped back so Erin could come in. “Just tired.”

“So am I Holtz,” Erin replied. “But being tired doesn’t make me cry. Tell me what’s wrong?” She surprised herself with how forward she was being, but Holtzmann had nearly died earlier and Erin was still feeling shaken up over it. Even if Holtzmann hadn’t called her she would have been tempted to find an excuse to see her, just to reassure herself that she was still okay.

“I’m not crying,” Holtzmann asserted, blinking a few times for good measure. She moved into her living room, not waiting to see if Erin followed her. Apparently she didn’t do all her work in the lab after all; there were half finished projects and tools and scraps lying all around the room. There was also a large, homemade looking cage in the corner and four fluffy little creatures peering curiously at Erin from inside it.

Holtzmann sat heavily on the sofa and reached for her tinted glasses, which had been sitting on the table. Erin couldn’t shake the feeling that she was putting up her defenses as she slipped them on. She pulled her housecoat tighter around her neck and curled into herself, looking defeated.

Erin tentatively sat next to her, painfully aware that she had not been invited to sit. “You called me, Holtz,” she said softly, starting to reach out to the engineer but holding back at the last moment, unsure if she would want the contact. She was beginning to feel stupid and embarrassed, worried that she shouldn’t have come after all and that she was intruding on Holtzmann’s personal space. Hadn’t they all decided that they wanted some time to rest up after saving New York? Maybe she really had wanted to be alone.

She could swear she heard Holtzmann mutter something that sounded like _‘moment of weakness…’_ and stood up, feeling more foolish by the second.

“I’ll just head home then,” she said, fidgeting with her hands. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have imposed. As long as you’re okay.”

“I don’t know,” Holtzmann said after a slight pause, so softly that Erin almost missed it as she headed for the door. She stopped moving, her hand on the doorknob, and turned back to the sofa. Holtzmann shifted just slightly so she could look at Erin out of the corner of her eye.

“You don’t know what?” Erin asked, holding her breath. Holtzmann released a shaky sigh.

“I don’t know if I’m okay.”

Erin let her hand fall to her side, eyeing Holtzmann and trying to decide if she should stay or not. After a moment of silence she slowly approached the sofa again, sitting down on the edge. Holtzmann had let her head drop to her hands and Erin realized she had never seen her look so despondent. It scared her, and she scooted a little closer. “Please tell me what’s wrong?” she pried one last time.

Instead of speaking Holtzmann shrugged her housecoat off. Erin gasped aloud when she saw the deep bruises lining her neck. She knew she shouldn’t be surprised; she had been there when Rowan-possessed-Abby had hung her out the window by her throat. “Do they hurt?” she asked, kicking herself immediately afterwards for asking such a stupid question. Holtzmann only nodded.

“My—ah, my back isn’t much better,” she whispered, clearing her throat again. Erin peered around and saw that her back was covered with small cuts. Apparently she had tried to do a clumsy first aid job on herself, bandages poking up from underneath the tank top she was wearing, stuck to themselves and to her shirt more than to her skin.

“Holtz, maybe we should take you to the hospital,” Erin said quietly, not even knowing why she was whispering. Holtzmann shook her head firmly, wincing at the movement.

“Please don’t make me go,” she muttered. “Just…help me? I didn’t want to bother anyone, but I can’t fix this on my own.”

Erin debated internally for a moment, knowing that she should probably insist that they go to the hospital. She didn’t know anything about strangulation and she couldn’t tell if any of the cuts were deep enough to need stitches. But she also knew that Holtzmann was stubborn when she set her mind to something, and if she didn’t want to go to the hospital there was no way Erin could force her. She _was_ a grown woman after all, no matter how much she acted like a child sometimes.

“Okay Holtz, okay,” she breathed, scooting closer. “Do you want help patching this up?”

Holtzmann nodded. “I couldn’t reach everything myself. I don’t think there’s any glass, but I can’t see.”

“Can we move somewhere with better light?” Erin asked, standing up and shrugging her own coat off. She realized with a sudden rush of heat to her face that she was still wearing her own pajamas, having been in too much of a hurry to change clothes. She dropped the coat on Holtzmann’s sofa anyway. “Maybe your bathroom?”

Holtzmann nodded again and stood up. She silently led the way down the short hallway to the bathroom and flicked on the light. She pulled a large first aid kit out of the cabinet and sat down wordlessly on the closed lid of the toilet, facing away from Erin.

“Glad to see you have such a well stocked first aid kit,” Erin remarked, trying to lighten the mood in the room a little as she inspected the contents. She had never experienced Holtzmann this quiet before and it was unnerving to her. When she realized kidding around wasn’t working she sobered immediately, not wanting to try too hard when Holtzmann obviously wasn’t in the mood. She chose some antibacterial ointment and moved behind Holtzmann, freezing when she looked down at her.

“Um…Holtz-Holtzmann,” she stammered, feeling herself turn red at the request she was about to make. “Can you—can you take your shirt off?” Holtzmann stiffened a little and looked at Erin over her shoulder, raising an eyebrow. Erin was about to apologize when Holtzmann turned back around without a word and slipped the thin top off, clutching it to her front so she could stay somewhat covered.

Erin took a deep breath and willed herself to calm down. There was an unexpected surge of heat that traveled from her face to the pit of her stomach when she looked at her bare back and she scolded herself that this was entirely inappropriate. Her teammate was injured and that was that, but she couldn’t convince herself. She knew something had changed when she had seen Holtzmann dangling out the window and in that heart-stopping moment where Abby had dropped her. She didn’t think there was any going back now even if she wanted to, and she realized with a jolt that she didn’t want to.

“I have to remove these bandages,” she said softly, her hands hovering over the badly applied dressings. “I’ll try not to hurt you. I’m sorry.” She grasped the edge of one of the bandages Holtzmann had clumsily tried to apply herself, pulling gently in case she had stuck the adhesive to one of the wounds. She felt terrible, knowing that it had to hurt. After what seemed like an eternity they were finally all gone and she sighed deeply.

“Okay, none of these look too deep,” she said, relieved that the damage wasn’t as bad as she had expected. “And no glass that I can see. I guess all those layers you wear are good for more that looks, huh?” She smiled awkwardly at the back of Holtzmann’s head, hoping that she would take the bait, but the injured woman still refused to meet her eye. Erin bit back her worry and applied the antibacterial ointment carefully, trying to keep her touch light. She then pressed new bandages over the wounds, carefully laying the adhesive so it would only stick to unmarred skin.

“There we go,” she whispered, and in an impulsive moment she leaned down and pressed a kiss against one of the bandages. She figured she was imagining the shudder than ran through Holtzmann’s frame at the touch. She helped her pull her tank top back over her head and guided it over the bandages so she wouldn’t accidentally dislodge one of them.

Without any warning Holtzmann turned and hugged Erin around the middle, pressing her face against her stomach and holding on tightly. The sudden movement took Erin off guard and she froze, unsure of where she could put her hands that wouldn’t hurt the engineer. She finally settled on Holtzmann’s hair, and after just breathing together for a moment she began to comb her fingers through the soft curls, seeking out the pins that held her style in place and removing them one by one. She moved slowly so Holtzmann had the chance to say no if she wanted, but she remained entirely still. Soon all the pins were gone and Holtzmann’s hair hung loose around her shoulders, the curls wilder down than they were up.

“You should probably get some sleep,” Erin murmured, still running her fingers through Holtzmann’s hair. She scratched lightly at her scalp and hoped that the gesture was soothing rather than annoying. “I should go so you can rest.” The arms around her middle tightened in response.

“Don’t go,” came Holtzmann’s muffled voice from somewhere buried in her shirt. “Please stay?”

“Holtz—I…” Erin paused, a small sigh escaping her. The fact that she wanted to stay so badly set off warning signs in her mind. She couldn’t deny any longer that her feelings had changed toward the woman clinging to her like her life depended on it. All she wanted to do was stay and make sure she was going to be okay. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?” Holtzmann’s voice was muffled but Erin could still hear the rasp in her throat and she could feel her resolve cracking more with every word.

“Because—because I’m scared Holtz,” Erin said, hearing her own voice waver and wishing that she had more self-control.

Holtzmann tilted her head upwards, resting her chin on Erin’s abdomen so she could look her in the eye. She looked a little less haunted than she had earlier but her gaze was pleading. Erin glanced to the side, unable to maintain eye contact without giving in immediately.

“What’s wrong Erin?” she asked, blinking up at her. She coughed a little into Erin’s shirt and she was harshly reminded of the events earlier in the day.

“I can’t stop thinking about Abby hanging you out the window,” she replied in a rush, the words tumbling out before she could stop them. Holtzmann stiffened a little and pulled back but not away.

“I can’t either,” she said a little flatly, making Erin feel even worse.

“I’m sorry,” she said, running a shaky hand through her own hair. “I really am. I’m being silly I guess. But when she…when that happened, all of a sudden I realized that I could lose you guys. That I could lose you.” Holtzmann was looking up at her solemnly and didn’t say anything, prompting Erin to continue. “I can’t lose you Holtzmann, and that makes me afraid. I love all of you so much already and I’m afraid to get more attached.”

“We’re not stray dogs Erin,” Holtzmann said, nuzzling into her shirt again and giving her chills. “It’s okay to get attached.”

“It scares me,” Erin repeated somewhat lamely. She knew she didn’t really have a good argument and sighed, running her fingers through Holtzmann’s hair again. If she didn’t know better she would say that the woman was practically purring at the contact. “Do you really want me to stay?”

Holtzmann nodded. “You’re not the only one who’s scared,” she said quietly, and the emotion hiding behind her words hit Erin like a ton of bricks. Of course she was scared. She imagined herself in Holtzmann’s shoes and felt her heart sink. They knew, now, that possession was possible, and Holtzmann and Abby had been direct victims of that. It was scary enough to be on the outside, but to be one of the people it had actually happened to, well…Erin knew that she herself would probably have nightmare for weeks.

“Okay, I’ll stay,” she said. Holtzmann smiled up at her and Erin realized how much she had been missing her smile. She stood and put the first aid kit back in the cabinet.

“I would offer you something to wear, but it seems you came prepared,” she said, smirking down at Erin’s pajamas and looking fully like herself for the first time that night. Erin blushed.

“I was in a hurry,” she mumbled. Holtzmann smiled again and took her hand, leading her down the hallway. She paused in the living room to poke a few treats through the bars of the cage.

“Those are…chinchillas, right?” Erin asked hesitantly, hanging back behind Holtzmann as though the fluffy little creatures would jump out at her.

“Yes, they’re my children,” Holtzmann responded nonchalantly. “Usually they sleep in my bed, but I think we can make an exception for your sake.”

*****

When Erin jolted awake at 3:00 in the morning it took her a moment to figure out where she was. She was definitely not in her own bed, her body was aching, and there was an unfamiliar weight on top of her. She could feel panic rising in her chest until she turned her head and got a face full of soft, blonde curls. _‘Of course…’_

Holtzmann was lying diagonally across the bed, her torso draped across Erin's. After looking at about a dozen cute cat videos (“Just one more E, look at this one."), Holtzmann had passed out pressed right up against her. It had taken her a while to find a position that didn't irritate the cuts on her back and once she finally stilled Erin didn't want to bother her. Even now all she wanted to do was curl into her and go back to sleep but as she woke more fully the urgent condition of her bladder was brought to her attention. She reluctantly wriggled her way out from under Holtzmann's dead weight and padded barefooted to the bathroom, moving mostly by memory and only stubbing her toe once on the way.

When she returned to the bedroom she had to blink a few times to readjust her vision to the dark. She jumped when she saw a figure in the room but quickly realized that it was Holtzmann sitting upright in the bed.

“E?” Her voice sounded panicky and Erin made her way back to the bed as quickly as she could in the dark. She crawled into the bed and Holtzmann attached herself to her again immediately.

“I’m here,” Erin said, wrapping her arms around her. “It’s okay, I just went to the bathroom.” She rocked her gently and wasn’t sure if she could feel her pulse racing or if she was imagining it. This fearful side of Holtzmann wasn’t something she had ever witnessed before and it broke her heart a little because she knew she could only help her so much. She lay down again, being sure that she supported Holtzmann’s weight so she wouldn’t irritate the wounds on her back. The room remained silent for so long that she figured Holtzmann had fallen asleep again until she shifted against her.

“There was glass in my hair when I got home,” she murmured and nuzzled a little deeper into Erin’s shoulder. Erin tightened her hold on her and threaded her fingers into her hair again.

“I’m so sorry Holtz,” she whispered against her temple. The silence stretched out between them, and although it was subdued it was comfortable. Erin turned the events of the day over and over in her mind, coming to land on one in particular every time.

“Why did you call me?” she asked, finally. She didn’t know why the question had come to her mind but once it did she had to know the answer. “Why not one of the others?”

Holtzmann pulled out of her arms just enough that she could prop herself up and peer down at her in the dark. In the soft light from the window Erin’s newly white hair seemed to glow. She reached up and traced the bruise on Erin’s cheek with careful fingers.

“I-I didn’t really want to be alone with Abby tonight,” she whispered, and Erin could hear the guilt in her voice. She caught the hand that was resting on her cheek and kissed her palm, surprised by her own bravery but needing to convey through her touch that she understood and didn’t think badly of her. This time she knew she wasn’t imagining Holtzmann’s shiver. “And Patty is great, but you’re comfortable,” she finished with a shrug. “You make me feel comfortable.” She settled her weight back against her and Erin closed her eyes, feeling a little overwhelmed by the sudden intimacy they were sharing.

“I’m glad you called me,” she murmured.

“I’m glad you came,” Holtzmann replied, tucking her head under Erin’s chin. “I…don’t ask for help easily and you knew that. You knew I needed you.” Her voice was already trailing off again and Erin could tell she was falling asleep. She held her as tightly as she dared, afraid of hurting her.

“I’ll always come when you call,” Erin whispered into her hair. Holtzmann’s breathing evened out and after a moment she started snoring lightly. Erin knew that the nightmares would come, probably for both of them, but Holtzmann’s weight reassured her that she was safe and she closed her eyes and soon drifted off as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! I've been developing this for ages now and I knew that if I didn't go ahead and publish it that I would just continue to pick at it. Exploring this little snippet of the movie was a lot of fun.
> 
> Please let me know what you thought! :D


	8. Fresh Meat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holtzmann takes care of Erin while she's training for roller derby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it's cool if I just continue to toss these prompts into my ongoing collection of one-shots! (I'm a little particular about keeping things together.)
> 
> So this prompt made me remember how much I really wanna try roller derby one day. I'm tiny so I think I'd make a pretty good jammer. :P Just gotta learn to skate first...so thanks to Eevachu for reminding me that I should go buy some skates! ;)
> 
> I didn't think I had anything for this prompt and then I got an idea and ran with it and so here it is! As always, thanks to mutantcauliflower for helping me with lots of ideas! (Her name probably belongs on all my future fics because she is absolutely brimming with great ideas. Here's to you, Partner in Slime! *toasts*)

The evening was quiet and still, the only sounds in the apartment being the clicking of a hand puzzle as the blonde engineer lay upside down on the sofa working away at the tangle of metal in her hands. The silence hung heavy in the air, and the feeling of being at loose-ends permeated the apartment as Holtzmann waited restlessly for Erin to come home. She had let herself in hours ago with the spare key she kept tucked into the side of her bra, and had exhausted her store of projects that she had stashed away at the apartment.

She had just solved the hand puzzle with a triumphant “ha!” into the still air of the apartment when the door clicked open and she sat up, blinking against the black spots in her eyes as she adjusted to being right side up again.

“Erin!” she called, jumping up from the sofa and rushing over to where her girlfriend was dropping her duffle bag next to the door. It was her first clue that the physicist was exhausted—she would never leave her belongings on the floor like that if she weren’t. “How was it?”

Erin stared at her exhaustedly for a moment before her face split into a wide grin. “I made it past tryouts. I’m fresh meat now.”

“Erin, I’m so proud of you!” Holtzmann exclaimed. She threw her arms around her but pulled away when she let out a long groan. “Oh, sorry.”

“It’s okay Holtzmann,” Erin said, dragging her feet over to the sofa with her before collapsing onto it. “Every muscle in my body hurts. I don’t know how I’m going to get through five months of training.”

“That’s a long time,” Holtzmann said, plopping down next to her. She signaled to her to turn around and started kneading her shoulders. Erin groaned again but this time the sound was appreciative as she leaned backwards into Holtzmann’s hands. “But you can do it, I know it.”

“Can you do this after every practice?” Erin asked, leaning her weight entirely into the engineer. “I might be able to make it through if I know I’m coming home to you every night.”

“You know it E,” Holtzmann replied, wrapping her arms around her middle and pulling her closer. She wasn’t sure if she was imagining it, but every muscle in Erin’s body felt tense and Holtzmann secretly wondered if this was really going to be good for her.

“I love it though,” Erin murmured, settling her arms on top of Holtzmann’s and winding their fingers together. “I feel good. I feel—confident.” She twisted a little so she could look the engineer in the eye and smiled faintly. “The only other time I feel this way when I’m with you.”

Holtzmann grinned, her worries assuaged for the moment as she leaned in for a kiss. “I can run a warm bath if you’d like.”

“Do we have any epsom salts?”

Holtzmann shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. But I can go get some if you’d like?”

“No, it’s okay,” Erin said, pulling herself out of the engineer’s embrace. “Will you get in with me?”

“Of course,” Holtzmann said, bouncing off the sofa and heading into the bathroom to start running the water.

Later that night as Erin drifted off to sleep draped halfway across Holtzmann, her weight comforting against her body, Holtzmann pulled out her phone and began researching.

*****

When Erin came home in tears from her first practice as fresh meat Holtzmann was ready with an epsom salt bath and ice cream. She had been reading up on derby training and though she knew the physicist was tougher than she let on she had also learned how rough the sport was.

“I don’t know if I’m cut out for this Holtz,” Erin sniffled as she sat in the warm bath. Holtzmann had pulled off her shoes and socks and rolled up her pants so she could sit on the edge of the tub with her legs in the water. Erin leaned against her shins and Holtzmann ran a hand through her sweaty hair. “I’m the slowest skater in training. They’re not gonna want me anyway.”

“Don’t say that,” Holtzmann said, reaching behind her to grab her phone from the counter. “Look, I found a rink nearby with open skating times. I’ll go with you and we can work on your speed. You have to skate twenty-seven laps in five minutes to make the team. We can do that.”

Erin looked up at her with a watery smile. “You’re doing your research,” she said, reaching for the ice cream that was melting in the warm air of the bathroom.

“I’m nothing if not thorough,” Holtzmann replied, grabbing the shampoo bottle and dumping a generous amount onto Erin’s head.

*****

About a month later Erin came home from a practice quieter than usual. Holtzmann looked up guiltily from the blender pieces she had strewn across the table.

“It’s not what it looks like I promise—Erin, are you okay?” Her brows knitted in concern as she watched the physicist sink slowly down onto the cushion next to her.

“They’re—ah, they’re teaching us how to fall safely this week,” she said, ignoring her dismembered blender and wincing a little as she shifted. “I think I’m getting the hang of it, but I wasn’t very good at first.”

“Say no more,” Holtzmann said, jumping up from the sofa and disappearing into the bathroom. She returned a moment later with a small container of arnica in her hands. “I bought this the other day. It’s listed on all the derby websites for bruises. Where does it hurt?” Erin mumbled something so quietly that Holtzmann missed it. “What?”

“My butt,” Erin said again, blushing a deep red as she shifted again. Holtzmann held back a snort.

“Show me,” she said, opening the small container.

Erin stood up and pulled her pants down just enough that Holtzmann could see the huge, dark bruise starting mid-thigh and extending up her leg until it disappeared under the elastic of her underwear. She let out a low whistle.

“Let’s move to the bedroom,” she said, resisting the urge to reach out and touch the mark. “You can lay on the bed.”

A few minutes later Holtzmann had convinced Erin to strip out of everything below the waist and lay on her stomach on the mattress. She sat on the edge of the bed and outlined the bruise gently with her fingertips, making note of the way Erin shivered.

“Erin?” she asked tentatively. Erin hummed in response and Holtzmann bit her lip as she began applying the cream to the area, trying her best not to hurt her. “Are you sure this is safe? I mean, you should do what makes you happy, but wow.” The bruise was huge, extending much further than Holtzmann had been able to see with her clothes still on. It was already a deep blue and purple and seemed like it had darkened just in the time it took them to move to the bedroom.

Erin propped herself up on an elbow so she could look back at Holtzmann. She seemed to be turning her thoughts over in her head, trying to decide how best to word what she wanted to say as she twisted her hands in the blanket.

“This is something I’ve always wanted to do,” she began, biting her lip. “Everyone I’ve ever dated has scoffed and said that I’m not cut out for it. And I haven’t been brave enough to try on my own.” She stopped twisting the blanket and looked up at Holtzmann with a faint smile. “You’re the first person who’s made me feel strong enough to try out. I really like it so far. I’ve only just started and already these women feel like a second home.”

“What’s first?” Holtzmann asked softly, dropping her eyes back down the the bruise, splaying her fingers over it and marveling at how much larger than her hand it was. Erin reached back and covered her hand with her own.

“You’re first,” she said, squeezing her hand. “You’re always first.”

Holtzmann beamed at her and leaned down to kiss her lower back, just above where the bruise stopped. “Try to be careful though? I need you in one piece.”

“Of course,” Erin responded, rolling so she could sit up without putting too much pressure on the injury. “But I have you here to take care of me. And besides,” she dropped her gaze, her face flushing a light pink. “I kind of like it. The bruises I mean.”

Holtzmann grinned deviously, setting the cream aside and pressing Erin back onto the mattress. She let her hand skim down her back and over the bruise, applying very light pressure. Erin hissed and hooked her legs around Holtzmann’s hips, tugging her down for a deep kiss.

*****

There were many evenings when Erin came home exhausted from training and could do no more than shower and collapse into Holtzmann’s arms, drifting off almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. There were other nights when she would come home filled with an almost manic energy, shoving Holtzmann up against a wall and assaulting the skin on her neck and shoulders, leaving bruises of her own.

The change in her confidence level delighted the engineer, and she would wait eagerly every night for Erin to come home, wondering which version of her girlfriend would walk through the door. She loved both in different ways, and above everything else she was happy for her, although as the end of her training quickly approached she began to worry a little about how Erin would take it if she didn’t make the team.

What she was not expecting was to receive a call on Erin’s phone late one evening from one of the women on the team.

“What’s up E?” Holtzmann answered casually when she saw Erin’s name light up on her screen.

“Hi, are you Holtz?” came an unfamiliar voice on the other end. Holtzmann sat up abruptly, halfway into her shoes and out the door before she had even replied.

“Yes, I am. Is everything okay?”

“There was a small incident at the rink tonight,” the voice responded, and Holtzmann felt panic close around her heart at the words. “Everything is fine. Erin is totally fine. But she bumped her head and the doctor doesn’t want her to travel home alone. Can you come pick her up?”

“I’m on the way,” Holtzmann said, thanking the woman and hailing a taxi.

When she got to the rink she ran through the doors, looking around for Erin.

“Where’s Erin?” she asked, and several heads turned in her direction.

“Over here,” called a woman who was sitting on one of the benches in the locker room next to Erin, who was slumped forward and holding an ice pack to her head. The woman stood up when Holtzmann approached and kneeled in front of Erin.

“Hey, E. I’m here,” she murmured, cupping her face in her hands and smoothing her hair back. Erin nodded silently and winced at the motion, leaning forward so she could rest her forehead against Holtzmann’s shoulder.

“What did the medic say?” Holtzmann asked the woman who was still hovering nearby. She replaced Erin’s hand with her own, holding the ice pack against her temple.

“She’s gonna be fine,” the woman responded, watching Erin with slight concern. “They said just to keep an eye on her and monitor her headaches. Other than that just some pain medication and rest. Her helmet took the brunt of the fall, but she did go down hard.” She grinned at Erin then, though with her head still against Holtzmann’s shoulder she couldn’t see. “She was great out there though. Really bad ass.” She clapped Erin on the shoulder and she lifted her head just enough to smile blearily at her.

“Thanks for calling me,” Holtzmann said, smoothing Erin’s hair back one more time before standing.

“Hey, no problem,” the woman said with a bright smile. “We’ve been watching her close. She’s getting really good.” She leaned closer so she could whisper without the others in the locker room hearing. “I don’t wanna make any promises but I’m thinking she’s probably in.”

Holtzmann beamed down at Erin, who was still smiling faintly. She started to gather her things but Holtzmann gently knocked her hands away, lifting her duffle bag over her shoulder instead.

“She’s told us about you too,” the woman added, helping Erin stand so she could lean against Holtzmann. “You two are cute. I think we’re all a little jealous. It sounds like you take really good care of her.”

“I try,” Holtzmann replied with a grin. “Thanks again—ah…”

“Jessica Jonesin’,” the woman replied with a wink, extending a hand. Holtzmann laughed, and shook her hand. “Make her get some rest.”

“I will,” Holtzmann said, saluting the other women in the locker room as she guided Erin out.

A short taxi ride later they were home. Holtzmann helped Erin take a bath and then get into the bed, propping her up on some pillows so they could talk.

“How are you feeling?” she asked, clambering up onto the bed and sitting against Erin’s side, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“My head feels better,” Erin said, leaning into Holtzmann. “Thanks for coming to get me. That whole incident was pretty humiliating.”

“What!” Holtzmann exclaimed. “Didn’t you hear what they were saying E? They said you were badass! I don’t think you have any reason to be embarrassed. What happened anyway?”

“They had me playing as jammer. I don’t think I like it. I like playing blocker better. But I had a lot of momentum and when they blocked me I went flying,” she smiled. “I think they were impressed by how fast I’ve gotten.”

“And you said you were too slow to do this,” Holtzmann said with a grin. She pulled Erin in for a kiss the started out innocent but after a moment started to deepen. Holtzmann shifted so she was carefully straddling Erin’s lap, a wicked grin on her face.

“You know,” she said mischievously, kissing along her jaw. “You could have a concussion. I’m supposed to keep you awake. Doctor’s orders.”

Erin snorted. “Which doctor?” she asked, letting her head fall back to give Holtzmann better access. “My doctor certainly didn’t say that.”

“I _am_ your doctor,” Holtzmann responded, sliding her hands underneath Erin’s shirt. She could feel her muscles underneath her fingertips, harder and more defined than they had been before she started training and yet somehow still soft. “And I promised your teammate that I would take care of you.”

“I don’t think this was what she had in mind though,” Erin said, pretending to resist even though she knew she would give in. Holtzmann slid her shirt off and pressed kisses down her stomach, stopping at the waistband of her pants.

“No, she said we were cute. I think this is exactly what she had in mind,” Holtzmann said with a wink. Erin wrinkled her nose and Holtzmann nipped at her hipbone in response, making her jump. She wound her fingers into Holtzmann’s hair and closed her eyes as the engineer kissed her over the fabric of her pants before sliding them down her hips.

*****

Several months later Holtzmann pushed her way through a crowded arena, clutching a carefully lettered sign to her chest as she scanned the crowd for Abby and Patty. They waved at her and she made her way over, standing on the bench instead of sitting so she could look for Erin.

“She’s right there,” Abby said, pointing down onto the rink where the team was huddled together. Holtzmann let out a whoop and sat down between Abby and Patty.

“I can’t believe you two didn’t tell us Erin was doing this,” Patty said, her eyes shining with excitement. “I can’t believe our little Erin is doing this!”

“She wanted to wait until she made the team before she told anyone else,” Holtzmann called over the noise of the crowd, beaming down at the rink and waving when Erin turned and caught her eye. She unfurled her sign, which had Erin’s newly claimed derby name on it in bold, meticulous handwriting.

“She talked about doing this a long time ago when we were both still in college,” Abby said, shifting to the edge of her seat so she could see better as the team got into position. “I had always hoped she would—”

A whistle sounded and Abby stopped talking abruptly so she could yell with the rest of the crowd as the jam started. Erin briefly met Holtzmann’s eye again as they took off, and Holtzmann jumped back up onto the bench so she could wave her sign.

“Go Ghost Girl!” she yelled, pumping a fist, pride surging through her as she watched Erin fly around the rink.

It was a close game, and Erin’s team lost by only a few points. Nevertheless, Erin was beaming when she made her way over to her friends after the game.

“Erin!” Patty said, gathering her into a hug that lifted her off her feet, skates and all. “You kicked ass! I didn’t know you were hiding all that away from us!”

“She hasn’t been,” Abby piped up, throwing an arm around her shoulders. “Haven’t you ever watched her during a bust?”

Squeezed between her friends Erin felt her heart swell, and when she looked up Holtzmann was standing in front of her holding out her sign.

“Great job Ghost Girl,” she said, stepping closer and cupping Erin’s cheek. She tugged on her hip, rolling her closer on her skates, and kissed her. Erin could hear the crinkle of the sign between their bodies and feel the rush of the crowd around them and the Ghostbusters pressed close.

Surrounded by both her teams, Erin was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! I tried to make it as accurate as possible. :D I'll see y'all again tomorrow!


	9. Swiss Army Knife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mishap with a Swiss army knife...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to mutantcauliflower for the idea for this one. I'm really, really excited about it and I hope y'all like it as much as I do!
> 
> Holtzbert Week day 2: Swiss army knife

When the Ghostbusters moved into the firehouse they knew that there were many things that they would have to modify to suit their needs. Although the building itself was in impeccable shape and there were many useful features (it had nearly taken an act of god to tear Abby and Holtzmann away from the fireman’s pole), it was just not built to be a lab.

They were willing to deal with the hassle of necessary modifications in exchange for the huge space, not to mention the fact that they weren’t paying the outrageous rent. They each had their own requests, Patty wanting bookshelves added for her large history tomes, and Erin and Abby wanting a space where they could sit together and work on editing their newest book in relative silence. It wasn’t until a few days into using the firehouse as their new headquarters that Holtzmann surprised all of them with her first request.

“Safety showers,” Abby repeated, staring at her blankly as she stood in front of the other Ghostbusters, a wrench held loosely in one hand and an acid soaked glove in the other. “You want safety showers.”

“At least one,” Holtzmann clarified, seemingly oblivious to her friends’ expressions as she disappointedly examined her ruined glove. “Preferably two.” She looked up when the silence dragged on. “What?”

“I think it’s a good idea,” Patty piped up, closing the book she was reading with a snap. She tucked it under her arm and looked pointedly at Erin and Abby, who were still regarding Holtzmann with slightly incredulous expressions. “Holtzy is finally concerned about her safety. Y’all should be encouraging this!”

“Of course,” Erin said, shaking her head a little. She was not imagining Holtzmann having to actually _use_ the shower. Not at all. “I’ll contact the mayor’s office. I’m sure they want us to be up to par on our safety regulations anyway. I don’t know why I didn’t think of safety showers.”

“Because, Erin my dear,” Holtzmann said, booping her nose with her acid-free hand. “You work only theoretically. I, on the other hand, put myself in harm’s way on a daily basis to make your brilliant ideas come to life.”

“Yeah, maybe you should get rid of that,” Abby said, watching nervously as Holtzmann swung the acid covered glove a little too close for comfort. “Properly.”

“Yes ma’am,” Holtzmann said, saluting and wandering backwards toward the staircase to the second floor which she had effectively claimed despite Patty’s protests. “But safety showers. Asap. This could be my face next time and we all know everyone would miss these chiseled features.” She looked pointedly at Erin when she spoke and Erin cleared her throat and quickly shuffled some papers on her desk.

*****

Once Erin contacted the mayor’s office and made the request they were fast to act. The prospect of Holtzmann anywhere near toxic chemicals without the proper means of fixing mishaps was a terrifying one for anyone who knew her, and she was already beginning to get quite the reputation with the mayor’s office.

Holtzmann was relocated downstairs the day they were installed so there was room to work without her hovering. She covered her equipment as well as she could and lay sprawled on the floor downstairs that afternoon fiddling with some wires and very vocally worrying about her lab, the others carefully stepping over her as they went about their usual business. When the workers came downstairs and announced that they were finished she practically bolted, pounding up the stairs to check on her equipment and the new installation and crowing in delight as she looked at the two new showers.

“These are perfect!” she shouted through the hole in the ceiling where the fireman’s pole was. Erin, Abby, and Patty all glanced at each other and followed her upstairs at a slower pace.

“Baby they did something wrong,” Patty said once they got upstairs, approaching the showers warily. “There’s no curtain on these things. No offense but I don’t wanna see your skinny white ass.”

“Oh, my dear Patty,” Holtzmann said with a snort, and Erin and Abby had to smile a little too, knowing what she was about to say. “If I spill acid on myself, or on any of you, privacy is the last thing you’re gonna be thinking about.”

Patty stared at her for a long moment before turning on her heel. “I’m going downstairs. I don’t want to give myself a reason to use those showers.”

“But Patty!” Holtzmann called, chasing after her.

“Give her a few days,” Abby muttered to Erin as they descended the stairs together. “She’ll be back up here trying to add curtains to those showers and bickering with Holtz in no time.”

*****

The next few weeks passed without incident as the Ghostbusters worked peacefully. Between busts they would work on their respective projects; Patty researched locations of high spiritual activity in the city and Erin and Abby were nearly done with their new book.

When she wasn’t working on the book Erin would assist Holtzmann with the theoretical side of her work, helping her build crazier and more extravagant weapons. Some of the gear was bordering on ridiculous but Erin didn’t mind. She enjoyed spending time upstairs in the lab with Holtzmann. All the women on the team valued her work, but Holtzmann respected her in a way that she had never experienced before. She loved the way her eyes would light up when she finally worked out a particularly difficult equation that would allow her to complete a project. Her never-ending enthusiasm for Erin’s work made her heart feel full, and she refused to entertain the notion that it was anything more than that.

One evening Erin went upstairs to check on Holtzmann in her lab after Abby and Patty had left for the night. She had been working on the containment units for days and Erin was beginning to worry that she wasn’t eating or sleeping enough. Her intention was to insist she go home to sleep for the night, but as she approached the units that thought was driven from her mind.

“Holtzmann,” she said quietly, carefully edging closer so as not to startle her. “What are you doing?”

“I need to add a screw here and the pipe was too stubborn,” she replied, not even looking away from her work as Erin approached.

“Are you sure that your Swiss army knife is the best tool to be using here?” Erin asked, coming to stand behind her now that she knew she wouldn’t startle her. She found herself a little distracted by her new proximity to the engineer as she apprehensively watched her continue to whittle a hole in the pipe suspended above their heads.

“Actually, this is your Swiss army knife,” Holtzmann said, flashing a grin in Erin’s direction. “I borrowed it. Hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” Erin said. “You did give it to me after all. It’s only fair that you can borrow it. But Holtz…what’s inside that pipe?” She looked up, trying to make out the words Holtzmann had written on it in her chicken scratch.

“No worries,” Holtzmann waved her off. “I cut off the flow to this one. I’m not drilling all the way through anyway, just enough to—”

Her words were abruptly cut off when the pipe cracked and an extremely smelly liquid rained down on both of them. Erin’s mind immediately jumped to being slimed and she sputtered indignantly before whatever it was began to _sting._

She squeezed her eyes closed and could hear Holtzmann swearing as she twisted a knob to shut it off and then she was being tugged toward where she knew the showers were. There was a rustling sound next to her and when she remained frozen in place she felt Holtzmann’s hands on her shirt, trying to tug it off her body.

“Erin, I need you to strip,” came Holtzmann’s voice. She sounded tense and Erin opened her eyes but squeezed them shut again immediately when she saw that Holtzmann was now nude from the waist up. “I know you don’t want to and it’s uncomfortable but that chemical is not gonna feel good if it stays on your skin. I’ll turn around.”

Erin took a shaky breath and forced herself to move, turning her back on Holtzmann and starting to remove her clothes. Her limbs felt like lead and her hands were trembling. Whatever the chemical was in the pipe wasn’t strong enough to burn her badly, but the longer it stayed on her skin the more it stung and she did not want to find out what would happen if it remained on her any longer.

She felt a movement next to her and suddenly Holtzmann was reaching around her to tug on the lever that started the water. “Move faster E,” she said, her voice still strained. “That’s not gonna leave major burns but it will get worse the longer you leave it on.”

Erin moved under the cold water and gasped. She could hear the second shower start behind her and silently thanked whatever deity may be listening that they had installed more than one. It was bad enough knowing that Holtzmann was standing naked just feet from her. If they were forced to make one shower work she thought she would rather just burn.

She rubbed at her skin where the chemical had soaked through her clothes and was relieved as the burning sensation began to subside.

“How long do we have to stay under?” Erin asked over the sound of the water, trying to keep her tone steady. She remembered learning lab safety a long time ago, but she hadn’t brushed up on it in ages.

“At least fifteen minutes,” Holtzmann replied, her voice a gurgle as she held her head under the water. “Ah, shit.”

Against her better judgement and feeling rather guilty Erin snuck a peek over her shoulder. She immediately felt herself grow warm at the sight and forced her gaze up to where Holtzmann was holding a lock of hair that had burned off in her hand. Erin’s hands immediately flew to her own hair but it felt like it was still all intact. Holtzmann had suffered the brunt of the chemical, having been directly underneath it.

“E, I hate to ask, but do you think you can help me with these pins?” she asked. Erin was startled when she realized that her voice sounded borderline tearful.

“Back up a little,” Erin said, moving forward so she could reach Holtzmann without either of them leaving the stream of water. She wound her fingers into her wet hair and started pulling pins out, tossing them on the floor outside the showers. She kept her gaze at eye level, focusing hard on the task at hand instead of the smooth skin in her peripheral vision.

She gently combed her fingers through Holtzmann’s hair, searching for more pins and wincing slightly when a few more strands came out in her hands. She washed them away. “I’m so sorry Holtz, but the damage doesn’t look too bad. Just a little came out,” she said. She tossed the last pin to the floor and turned around again to finish rubbing the last of the chemical away.

After what seemed like forever Holtzmann quietly said, “Okay, that’s fifteen minutes.” Erin heard the water shut off behind her. “I’m going to go get us some towels.” She heard her wet feet slapping on the floor as she walked away and she reached up to shut off her own water. She stood shivering for a few moments, arms crossed over her chest, until Holtzmann came back. She was wrapped in a fluffy towel and held a matching one out to Erin, determinedly looking at the floor as she did so. Erin wrapped the towel around herself and bent to pick up her clothes off the floor.

“Don’t,” Holtzmann said, holding out a hand to stop her. “Those need to be decontaminated. But honestly, they’re probably ruined.” She sat down heavily on one of the chairs in the lab and ran a hand through her wet hair, hissing when a few more strands broke off. “I’m so sorry E. I should have been more careful. I shouldn’t have used that knife. It was the closest thing and I thought it would be okay. And I thought I had shut off that pipe but I guess I turned the wrong knob.” She put her head in her hands and Erin moved closer, laying her hand tentatively on her bare shoulder.

“Holtzmann, it’s okay,” she said quietly. “It was a mistake. Everyone makes them.” She felt Holtzmann’s shoulder shake and wanted to hug her but figured that it would just make the situation worse being that they were both still only wearing towels.

“I ruined your night and your clothes,” Holtzmann said tearfully. “And I made you have to—” she waved her hand toward the showers and Erin realized what she meant.

“You kicked me into action when I froze,” she said, squeezing Holtzmann’s shoulder. “It was an accident and you kept me from getting hurt. That’s nothing to apologize for Holtzmann. I should be thanking you.”

Holtzmann hiccuped and wiped at her eyes. “I didn’t look. I promise.”

“I know you didn’t,” Erin said, giving in and putting an arm around her shoulders. Her skin was cold from the water and Erin broke out in goosebumps. She felt Holtzmann’s breath hitch. “It’s okay. It’s just like…showering for gym, right?”

Holtzmann laughed bitterly and Erin drew back, sensing that she had prodded the wrong spot. After a moment of silence she stood. “I can lend you some clothes,” she said, still avoiding Erin’s eye. “Unless you want to ride home in a towel.”

Erin watched her leave the room. She could tell that the incident had bothered her more than she was admitting and she wracked her brain for a way to fix it. Eventually an idea came to her and a small smile crossed her face.

Holtzmann came back into the room dressed in some soft looking pants and her “one of the boys” shirt that Erin had seen once before. She couldn’t stop her mind from flashing to what she now knew was underneath the clothes and scolded herself.

“You can keep these if you want,” she said, handing Erin a similar set of clothes. “I owe you anyway.”

“Thanks Holtz,” Erin replied, ducking into the next room to pull the clothes on. They smelled like Holtzmann, and Erin took a deep breath and smiled as she pulled the shirt over her head. When she returned Holtzmann was wearing some oversized gloves and picking up their chemical coated clothes. She squeezed her hair out with the towel. “What can I do?”

Holtzmann jumped a little, glancing over her shoulder at Erin but quickly looking away again. “You don’t have to stay,” she said in a low voice. “I can clean this up. I know you were heading home anyway before…this.” She gestured toward the mess on the floor, her movements frustrated.

“Holtz, it’s okay, I promise,” Erin said, taking a few steps closer to where the engineer was crouched on the floor. “In fact, I was thinking. We just took a shower together. I think we at least owe each other dinner. How would you feel about cleaning this up and then ordering some food?”

Holtzmann stopped her movements abruptly, turning so she could finally look at Erin. “Really?” she asked, looking like Erin had surprised her out of her low mood. “You don’t want to run as far as you can in the opposite direction and never look at me again?”

Erin blinked at her a few times, surprised by what she had said. “Do you want me to? Do _you_ want to?” she asked in return, worry suddenly creeping into her chest.

“Of course not,” Holtzmann said, standing and pulling her gloves off. She started to reach out for Erin but stopped herself at the last moment, letting her hand drop to her side. Erin took the cue and reached out to take Holtzmann’s hand instead. “I just thought that after this you’d feel uncomfortable and want to leave.”

“No,” Erin said with a small smile and bit her lip. “I want to stay. How can I help?”

“Ah, I don’t think you can,” Holtzmann responded. “Not that I don’t want your help, but I need to dispose of this carefully. It would be easier to do it on my own. Why don’t you go order some food and I’ll finish cleaning this up. It won’t take me long.”

*****

Soon they were sitting together downstairs, cartons of takeout sitting open and half-eaten in front of them. Erin sighed contentedly and leaned back, pulling her knees up to her chest.

“Your clothes are ridiculously comfortable,” she said, leaning into Holtzmann’s side. The engineer sat frozen for a moment before tentatively wrapping an arm around her and pulling her closer, resting her head on top of Erin’s and sighing contentedly.

“Why do you think I dress like this? Because of my dashing good looks?” Erin could almost feel the smirk against her hair and felt relieved that she was getting back to her old self.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

Erin shifted so she could look up at Holtzmann. “For helping me. I’m gonna tell the others that we all need to brush up on our safety procedures.”

“Do we have to tell them about this?” Holtzmann asked, her face turning a little pink.

“Not if you don’t want to,” Erin said, settling back against her again. “They would probably think it’s hilarious though.”

“You seem awfully relaxed about this,” Holtzmann said, hesitantly reaching over and taking Erin’s hand where it was resting on her knee. She laced their fingers together and squeezed. Erin shrugged.

“If it had to happen I’m glad you were there,” she said. “I’d rather it be you than anyone else.”

Holtzmann grinned. “Are you saying you want to be naked with me?” Before Erin could answer the grin slipped from her face and she reached into her pocket, pulling out the newly decontaminated Swiss army knife and handing it back to Erin. “Forget I said that. And don’t let me use this again.”

Erin was silent for a moment, turning the knife around in her free hand. After the silence had stretched out between them she twisted to face Holtzmann. “Yes.”

Holtzmann’s brow furrowed. “Huh? Yes what?”

“Yes, I’d like to be naked with you,” she stated matter of factly, maintaining eye contact even as she felt her face, and other parts of her body, heat up. “Not right now, but eventually. In a—nicer setting than the safety showers.”

Holtzmann’s mouth fell open as she searched for something to say and Erin was pleased to see that her face was a little flushed as well. “Really?” she asked, and the word came out higher than usual.

Erin nodded and Holtzmann let out a small “oh,” before sinking back into the cushions, a slightly dazed expression on her face. Erin scooted closer and realized that she could hear Holtzmann’s heart racing. After a moment she took a deep breath and quietly said, “Me too.”

Erin knew she couldn’t see the grin that had spread across her face at the unexpected turn of events. “Holtz?”

“Mmm?”

Erin glanced up at her. “Can I kiss you?” Holtzmann nodded dazedly and Erin laughed. “Are you sure?” When Holtzmann nodded again she leaned upwards and pressed their lips together. She froze, waiting for the engineer to respond until finally she reached up and cupped Erin’s face in her palm.

Erin slowly leaned backwards, pulling Holtzmann along so she was lying on the sofa with her weight resting on top of her. Her hand was trapped in between their bodies and she could feel the Swiss army knife digging in where she still clutched it in her fist. She sighed when Holtzmann slipped her tongue into her mouth and wound a hand into her hair, tugging just slightly.

After what felt like an eternity Holtzmann pulled away, a faint smile on her face. She brushed a strand of hair away from Erin’s face, letting her hand rest against her cheek.

“I was scared you would hate me,” she whispered, dropping her gaze a little. Erin’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“Hate you? Why on earth would I hate you?” she asked, bringing her own hand up to rest over Holtzmann’s.

“Because I-I flirt with you and then I poured chemicals on us and you had to undress in front of me—” she trailed off and Erin saw her distress from earlier begin to creep back in. “I don’t want you to think I was taking advantage because I wasn’t. I swear.”

“Holtzmann, look at me,” Erin murmured, waiting until the engineer made eye contact again before continuing to speak. “You’re one of the most considerate people I know. Sure, you’re wild and a little reckless. But you don’t mean any harm and I know that. It’s one of the many things I love about you.” She smiled when Holtzmann looked surprised. “Yeah, I said it. So don’t beat yourself up about this, okay? I mean, look where it led us.” She leaned upward and pressed another drawn out kiss to Holtzmann’s lips, pleased to see that she was smiling again when she pulled away.

“Do you want to stay over here tonight? With me?” Holtzmann asked quietly. “Not to—get naked. Just to sleep. You’re already wearing my clothes.” She ran a hand down Erin’s side, tracing the soft fabric of the T-shirt she had given her and Erin shivered.

“I’d like that,” Erin said, smiling. “You know we’re gonna have to explain to the others why I’m here wearing your clothes in the morning.”

“We’ll face that when it comes,” Holtzmann said, getting up from the sofa and extending a hand to Erin to help her up. Erin paused, looking at the knife in her hands.

“This thing really is special, isn’t it?” she asked, grinning broadly at Holtzmann, who laughed.

“It really, really is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed, cause I had so much fun writing this one! Let me know what you think! :D


	10. Movie Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This date night has been a long time coming...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm a little late with this one, and I'm editing it exhausted, so forgive any mistakes!
> 
> Holtzbert Week day 3: Movie Night

Erin Gilbert had been anxiously awaiting this night for a while. She and Holtzmann had been dating for several months, quietly at first although they hadn’t been able to hide it from the rest of the team for long. For weeks now the couple had been trying to plan their first sleepover. Erin blushed sometimes thinking about how childish they sounded, but then Holtzmann would bounce into the room talking excitedly about having a sleepover and she found herself with a big, stupid grin on her face, nerves coursing through her body. 

However every time they tried to make it happen a bust got in the way and Erin was beginning to think that it was never actually going to happen and that she had psyched herself up for nothing. 

Holtzmann, to her credit, was being as positive as possible, reassuring Erin every time they had to reschedule.

“Next weekend,” she would say, nudging Erin with her shoulder. Erin would smile weakly and nod, letting out a deep sigh of disappointment.

This time it seemed like their date was finally going to work out. They had gone a whole Friday without any busts being called in, and Erin was getting both excited and more nervous as the afternoon dragged on.

Holtzmann was puttering around at her workbench, her eyes strangely glassy as she worked on one of their proton packs. Suddenly one of her tools slipped from her hands and went clattering to the floor, making Erin jump.

She stood up from her desk and approached Holtzmann’s workbench carefully. The engineer was just staring at the tool, a slightly crestfallen look on her face. Erin bent down and picked it up, setting it on the bench in front of her and ignoring Holtzmann’s outstretched hand.

“Are you okay?” she asked, peering carefully into her face. This close she looked absolutely exhausted, the dark circles under her eyes standing out against her almost sickly pale skin. Erin kicked herself for not noticing sooner.

“Just fine E,” Holtzmann replied, smiling blearily at her. She reached up to where her yellow glasses were perched in her hair and flipped them down over her eyes, a defense mechanism that Erin was all too familiar with by now.

“Holtz,” she said, a warning tone in her voice. Holtzmann looked down at her workbench instead of meeting her eyes. “When was the last time you slept?”

“Ah,” Holtzmann said, nodding slightly as she thought. “That would be…forty-eight hours ago. Approximately.”

“Holtzmann!” Erin exclaimed. “You need sleep. We talked about this.”

Holtzmann winced and hung her head. “I know. But E, I’m so close to a breakthrough if I can just—“

“Nope,” Erin replied, taking the tool off the workbench before Holtzmann had the chance to grab it and continue working. “Holtz, I know I can’t tell you what to do, and I don’t want to. But you’re putting yourself in danger by working this tired.”

“I know,” Holtzmann repeated, letting her hands drop to her sides. “I’m sorry E. It won’t happen again.”

“I hope not,” Erin said firmly, feeling a little guilty about her scolding tone of voice. She didn’t want to treat Holtzmann like a child but there were times when they all knew that if they didn’t take care of her no one would. When she got wrapped up in a project she tended to forget about self-care, and the all around exhaustion, physical, mental, and emotional, that showed itself on the engineer’s face made something deep in Erin’s chest clench with worry. “You should go home. Get some sleep. The pack will still be here when you get back.”

“But E!” Holtzmann said, finally meeting her eye and looking as though Erin had just told her that Santa wasn’t real. “We were finally supposed to have our date night tonight!”

Erin paused, her own heart sinking. In her worry over Holtzmann she had almost forgotten about their date night. She sighed deeply. “Holtz,” she began, setting the tool back on her workbench. “We can put it off for one more day. You’re exhausted and you need to go home and rest. It wouldn’t be fair to you and it would be selfish of me.”

“No, please don’t make me go home,” Holtzmann said, a crease appearing between her brows. She stepped out from behind her workbench. “I’m fine, I promise.” She squinted at a line on the floor of the lab and focused hard on walking it, swaying slightly as she carefully put one foot in front of the other. She then turned to face Erin and closed her eyes, touching her nose first with one hand and then with the other. “See?”

“Holtz, I’m not questioning your sobriety,” Erin said, shaking her head with a small smile. She reached out and took Holtzmann’s hands gently in her own. “I’m worried about your health. You’ll get sick if you keep on like this, and I just want you to be okay.”

“I will E,” Holtzmann responded, bouncing on her toes. “Please, it’s our first sleepover and we’ve already put it off so many times. I’ll be fine!”

Erin sighed, tugging her closer and settling her hands lightly on her waist. She was beginning to realize that the only way to tear Holtzmann away from her work was to give in to the date night. Getting her to hold still and watch a movie was preferable to allowing her to set fire to the lab. “We can do this on two conditions,” she said, squeezing a little tighter when Holtzmann nodded her head enthusiastically and threw herself off balance. “We leave now, so you’re not handling any more hazardous materials in this condition, and we go to my apartment so I can take care of you. Do we have a deal?”

“Yes!” Holtzmann exclaimed, throwing her hands into the air. “Abby, we’re leaving!” she called down the stairs. She grabbed her coat and bag and was by Erin’s side again before she even had the chance to react.

“What’s going on up there?” came Abby’s voice from the stairwell just seconds before she appeared through the door. She squinted suspiciously at Holtzmann, who was practically vibrating by Erin’s side.

“Forty-eight hours,” Erin mouthed to her, and Abby shook her head.

“Get her outta here,” she said, waving them off with a small, knowing smile. “For all our sakes.”

*****

“Holtz,” Erin called, trying to get the attention of the engineer who was trying to balance a, thankfully empty, coffee mug on her forehead. “Holtz. Holtzmann!”

Holtzmann jumped slightly and just managed to catch the mug as it fell. “Yes, my dear?” she asked, carefully putting the mug back on the counter. Erin edged around her and took the mug, replacing it in the cabinet where it belonged.

“Why don’t you go change? I figured we could get comfy on the sofa and watch a movie,” she said, pointing down the hallway toward the bathroom. She raised her eyebrows when Holtzmann stared at her guiltily.

“I didn’t bring pajamas,” she muttered, scuffing her foot against the linoleum on the kitchen floor. She was chewing on the inside of her cheek and Erin leaned closer and pecked her on the lips to make her stop.

“Second dresser drawer in my room,” she said as she pulled away, Holtzmann leaning in after her to try to maintain contact. “Pick anything you like.” Holtzmann’s face broke into a grin. She saluted and bounced down the hallway.

Erin shook her head and grabbed a bag of popcorn to start it cooking. She wanted this date night as much as Holtzmann did, but at this point she was secretly hoping that the poor exhausted woman would fall asleep instead of forcing herself to stay awake any longer. When the microwave beeped she poured the popcorn into a bowl and made her way into the living room.

Holtzmann was nowhere to be found and Erin was just about to go hunt her down when she entered the room, fully cocooned in what appeared to be every single blanket off her bed and even a few spares. She was wearing an old pair of Erin’s sweatpants that was too long in the leg, and a too large T-shirt that was falling off one shoulder. She snorted at the sight.

“I see you found the blankets,” she said as dryly as she could manage. Butterflies came to life in her stomach at the sight of her girlfriend looking so  _ particularly  _ snuggly.

“Yup,” Holtzmann replied, opening her arms and wrapping Erin up in the blankets too. She planted a rather sloppy kiss on Erin’s cheek and she wrinkled her nose.

“What do you want to watch?” she asked, wrapping an arm around Holtzmann’s waist and shuffling them toward her collection of DVDs. Holtzmann took one glance at them and groaned, shuffling them toward her bag instead.

“None of those,” she said, her smile turning a little mischievous as she dug around in her bag. “You said you hadn’t ever seen  _ Halloween,  _ so I took the liberty of picking it up way back when we first talked about doing this.” She produced the movie from her bag with a flourish and handed it to Erin. “You can’t have a sleepover without a scary movie.”

“You packed a movie but not clothes?” Erin asked, turning the case over in her hands. She felt her heart rate pick up. “Holtzmann, I don’t know. I don’t do so well with horror.” Her mind jumped to her own rocky past and she knew Holtzmann could probably read her like a book.

“This isn’t ghost horror E,” Holtzmann said, approaching her slowly, her manic energy fading slightly as she softened. “It’s a dumb slasher movie.  _ And  _ it’s got a young Jamie Lee Curtis. So worth it.” She pressed closer to Erin, wrapping them tighter in the blankets as she searched her face. “But if you want we can watch one of your corny romance movies instead. It’s okay.”

Erin took a deep breath and looked at the cover again, shuddering at the thought of watching the movie but comforted by Holtzmann’s presence at her side. “No, we can try it. You  _ were  _ awfully offended when I said I hadn’t seen it.” She smiled weakly and pulled away from Holtzmann so she could kneel in front of the television and insert the DVD. When she turned around again Holtzmann had stretched herself across the sofa, spreading the blankets out as she went.

“Sit up,” Erin said, nudging her. The blankets grumbled and didn’t move. Erin didn’t admit how much she wanted to be wrapped in the engineer’s arms when the scary music on the DVD menu started playing behind her. She felt the adrenaline rush and bounced on her toes a little. “Don’t make me sit on your head.”

“Please do,” Holtzmann responded, pulling the blankets off her face with a wicked grin. Erin flushed a deep red, not having expected the conversation to take that turn.

“How about I knock you onto the floor instead?” Erin said, mock glaring and trying to will the flush to fade from her face. Holtzmann whined but sat up. As soon as Erin sat down she threw all the blankets over her and scooted away.

“Holtzmann, what?” Erin asked, slightly hurt by the engineer’s actions.

“If I get under the blankets I’ll fall asleep,” Holtzmann said, pulling her feet up onto the cushion. She sat at attention with her back straight and her wide eyes glued to the screen as her hands twisted restlessly in her lap. “I don’t want to fall asleep yet.”

Erin tried not to let her disappointment show as she pressed play. She had counted on the engineer being close as they watched the movie. Instead she pulled the blankets over her shoulders, their weight comforting.

It didn’t take long before Erin caught sight of movement in her peripheral vision. She jumped, the tense atmosphere of the movie getting to her even though nothing had actually happened yet. It was only Holtzmann though, her head dropping and then snapping back up again as she tried to force herself to stay awake. Erin noticed a shudder run through her body and sighed.

“Come here Holtz,” she said, reaching a hand out to touch her. “Please?”

Holtzmann blinked a few times as she regarded her thoughtfully for a moment before giving in. She scooted in closer and molded herself into Erin’s side.

“I’m cold,” she muttered, resting her head against Erin’s shoulder. It wasn’t cold in the apartment but Erin could feel her girlfriend shivering and threw some of the blankets over her. “I don’t feel good. E, what’s wrong with me?”

Erin suppressed a chuckle at how pathetic the engineer was being when there was such an obvious answer to why she was feeling bad. “You’re exhausted Holtz,” she murmured, running a hand gently up and down her arm. “Are you sure you don’t want to just do the sleep part of this sleepover?”

“No!” Holtzmann insisted. She twisted so she could look at Erin and her eyes were a little unfocused. “No, we have to watch the movie. It’s not a sleepover if we don’t watch a movie and eat an obscene amount of popcorn.” She reached out for the bowl and stuffed a handful of popcorn into her mouth as punctuation.

“Okay, okay,” Erin said, patting her on the back when she started coughing. “Calm down, I’m not turning it off.” She shook her head and pulled her closer. She felt Holtzmann relax against her even as the movie grew more suspenseful.

“It’s okay E,” Holtzmann muttered, sensing how tense her muscles were. She stifled a yawn and Erin felt her body grow heavier against her own. She shifted so Holtzmann could rest more of her weight on her. “I’m here to protect you.”

Within minutes the engineer had drifted off entirely, snoring lightly in Erin’s ear. Erin was glad that she was finally giving in to sleep but it didn’t take long for her to realize that she was now left alone with the movie.

_ ‘You can do this Erin,’  _ she told herself, squeezing Holtzmann a little tighter as the action picked up. She shifted in her arms but remained fast asleep. Erin knew that she could just turn the movie off and Holtzmann wouldn’t even know the difference if the dead weight currently resting against her was any indication, but she wanted to finish the movie because it meant so much to Holtzmann.

By the time the credits rolled Erin had tugged the blankets over both of them so that they were wrapped securely and she was safe from anything lurking in the shadows of her dark apartment. Holtzmann was leaving a sizable drool spot on her shirt but Erin didn’t even care. She was clutching the engineer tighter than would probably be comfortable had she been awake and not very deeply asleep. As the credits came to an end and the menu began looping again Erin realized that she would have to get them both up and moved into the bedroom, although when she looked into the darkness around them she found that she was reluctant to move at all.

The decision was made for her when Holtzmann stirred, stretching and groaning.

“Ergh,” she muttered, smacking her lips a few times and looking around dazedly. Then she jumped, sitting upright and looking around. “Oh no, I missed the movie!” she said, looking over at Erin with despair written all over her face. “E, I’m so sorry. I left you alone.”

“It’s okay,” Erin said, relief flooding her senses. Now that Holtzmann was awake the shadows didn’t seem as frightening anymore. “Feeling better?”

Holtzmann slowly shook her head. “Not really,” she replied, wrinkling her nose and squinting her eyes against what little light was making its way into Erin’s living room. “My head hurts. And my stomach. Don’t ever let me stay up this long again, okay?”

Erin laughed. “Like I could stop you if I tried,” she said, smiling and pulling Holtzmann in to place a gentle kiss on her lips, which Holtzmann eagerly returned. After a moment she pulled back with a look of distress. 

“I’m too tired to even make out!” she said, anguish lacing her words. “I wanted to kiss you senseless tonight!” She crossed her arms and pouted, leaning back against the sofa. Erin chuckled again.

“It’s okay Holtz,” she said, tugging her closer for another quick peck. “There’s plenty of time for that later. Maybe tomorrow. Let’s get you to bed, okay? Come on.” She grabbed her hands and tugged her up from the sofa, leading her down the hallway, picking her bag up on the way. “Go get ready for bed.” She gently pushed her through the door to the bathroom and made her way to her bedroom to put her own pajamas on.

Once she had changed she puttered around the room, spreading the blankets back out on her bed and dimming the lights. After about fifteen minutes Holtzmann still hadn’t emerged and she was beginning to worry. She made her way down the hallway and just as she was approaching the bathroom the door opened and Erin couldn’t stifle the shriek that left her.

“Do I look  _ that  _ bad?” Holtzmann asked, looking slightly hurt underneath her joking manner. In the dim light she was as white as a ghost, and the dark circles under her eyes didn’t help the effect any.

“No,” Erin responded, lying through her teeth. The engineer really did look exhausted and she felt guilty for being startled. Holtzmann gave her a look and Erin sighed as she ducked past her to brush her teeth. “Okay, you do look kinda scary.”

“I fell asleep for a few minutes in here,” Holtzmann said, ignoring the jab at her current appearance and leaning against the door frame as she watched Erin drowsily. “Your bathroom is surprisingly comfortable.”

Erin gaped at her for a moment before drying her face. “Please let me take you to bed.”

“Be my guest,” Holtzmann replied with a wink, but the effect was ruined a little by the way she was swaying on her feet and blinking rapidly.

“I’m making a new rule,” Erin said, laying a steadying hand on her shoulder. She applied some pressure and guided them down the hallway to her room, gently pushing her inside and closing the door behind them. “You are not allowed to come onto me when you’re imitating the walking dead.”

“But Erin,” Holtzmann began, and Erin could tell she was gearing up to whine again.

“Nope, I won’t hear it. Try me again tomorrow.”

Holtzmann smirked at her. “So you’re saying that tomorrow is a possibility then,” she said, some of the weight stolen from her words by the huge yawn that escaped her.

Erin flushed a bright red as she crawled under the covers, patting the bed next to her. She shivered as she looked around at the darkness in her room, remembering the movie that she had watched mostly by herself.

“I’m sorry I stayed up too long and ruined our date night E,” Holtzmann said as she tucked her feet underneath the blankets and scooted closer to Erin, wrapping and arm around her waist. She pressed her feet between Erin’s calves and Erin jumped at how cold they were. “And I’m sorry you had to watch the movie alone.”

“It’s okay Holtz,” Erin whispered, rolling over to face her and tucking her head under her chin. “You didn’t ruin anything. And I actually didn’t hate the movie, although it could have used a happier ending. It’s just…dark in here.”

“It’s a slasher movie Erin, they never have happy endings. But I’ll protect you,” Holtzmann said, rolling so Erin was lying mostly on top of her. “And I owe you another movie. Of your choice.”

“Tomorrow,” Erin repeated, nuzzling against her soft skin and feeling sleep pull at her as well. “In fact, do you want to stay over again tomorrow night? We could make a weekend of it once you’ve gotten some sleep.”

“Really?” Holtzmann asked, and Erin could hear both the delight and the uncertainty in her voice. Her hand found its way underneath Erin’s shirt and she rubbed her back, making chill bumps break out all over her body.

“Of course,” Erin responded, her eyes drifting closed. “In case you haven’t noticed I like having you around.”

Holtzmann was silent for a few moments and Erin thought she had fallen asleep until a very quiet “Thanks E,” drifted into the still air around them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! As always, let me know what you think here, or feel free to come talk to me on Tumblr at ma-ghostly-petite! :D


	11. Laundry Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin's clothes find themselves in a sorry state in her apartment's communal laundry room.
> 
> Holtzbert Week day 4: Laundry Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was doing so well getting these out on time and then yesterday I got sick and spent the evening moping around pathetically. I'm still pathetic and moping, but slightly less so, and I'm hoping to get today's prompt done in time as well!
> 
> So anyway, here's some laundry room meet-cute fluffy stuff for yesterday's prompt. :3
> 
> (Oh, and if anyone is interested in seeing what Holtz's socks look like, or ordering a pair, the link is in the fic. I have to admit I'm tempted myself cause they're pretty cool.)

It all started when Erin Gilbert found a [mysterious sock](http://www.stance.com/spaced-out-crew/W448A16SPA.html?gdffi=417b7daa74a84a1bb6c73fa1eec9028f&gdfms=8229DCDC7B6540E98E3A4FA1E7A45405&utm_term=shopping&utm_content=s%7cpcrid%7c54228280313%7cpkw%7c%7cpmt%7c%7cpdv%7cc&gclid=Cj0KEQjwhMjKBRDjxb31j-aesI4BEiQA7ivN-FhsQwI0RSTQR_t5qHU4YziLoEuvsMOD3_3PVjTbH6AaAhbZ8P8HAQ&gclsrc=aw.ds) in her laundry. 

It was a bright, neon green with black spacey looking patterns running along the heel and calf, and being that Erin didn’t own clothes in any colors more adventurous than red she knew that this sock had never graced her drawers before. When she held it up in front of her for closer inspection the reflective strip that ran around the ankle caught the light and she squinted in confusion. 

This was most definitely not her sock.

She dropped it back on the bed and huffed in frustration. The apartment complex she lived in was several stories high, and the communal laundry was busy at all times of the day. There was no way she would be able to tell who had used the machine just before her and left the unfortunate sock there to get mixed in with her clothes.

With a last jab of guilt she sighed and set the garish article of clothing aside, glad that it was at least clean, and forgot all about it for the time being.

Until the next laundry day.

This time there was no confusion when she pulled a rainbow sock with a hole in the toe from her own clothes, and she wondered if this sock belonged to the same person or if there were several residents of her apartment building who had such atrocious taste in footwear. Surely it couldn’t be that hard to figure out who wore such eccentric clothing, but when she scanned the people still in the laundry room they all looked plain compared to the sock she now held in her hand.

She considered just throwing the sock in the garbage can by the door but after a moment’s internal battle she tossed it into the dryer with the rest of her clothes.

And sat up when she returned to her apartment mending the hole in the toe.

She placed this new sock on the top of the dresser next to the green one and stared at them, biting her lip and feeling, ridiculously, like a sock thief.

She had just about forgotten about her accidental sock thievery a few days later when she came home and realized that she had a pile of light colored laundry to do. There was a huge stack of papers in her bag that was waiting to be graded and trying to fit in at Columbia was stressing her out to the point that she thought of little else.

Especially socks.

When she took the load of clothes down to the laundry room and stuffed them into her usual washing machine she had no idea of the fate that awaited them. When she trudged back downstairs later to put them in the dryer she was too preoccupied with thoughts of grading that she didn’t even glance at them. Back in her apartment she unsuspectingly sat down with a hot mug of tea and her trusty red pen, and by the time she checked her watch a little while later and headed back down to retrieve her clothes she was beginning to feel better.

As she pulled her clothes out of the dryer and started to load them into her laundry basket she noticed that something was amiss. The more clothes she pulled from the machine the more her jaw slowly fell open, and she felt a mixture of anger and despair wash over her.

Pink.

Everything was pink.

From her trusty undergarments to her brand new skirt suit, all of it was a pale pink.

With a newfound determination fueled by both rage and exhaustion she stuck the whole top half of her body into the dryer, spinning the drum until the offending article of clothing fell onto her head and she withdrew from the machine, stifling a shriek when she realized what she was holding.

Underwear. Red, boy short underwear. More specifically,  _ Wonder Woman  _ underwear.

“Oh no, you didn’t use that machine, did you?”

Erin jumped and scrambled to her feet, coming face to face with a woman she recognized from her floor. She watched the woman look between her expression and her laundry basket, her face falling as she took everything in.

“I did, actually, thank you for caring,” Erin replied. Her tone was slightly sharper than she intended but this was the last straw to a very tiring week. She warily scanned the woman from head to toe, taking in her bizarre clothing choices, from the goggles perched in her hair to the yellow tinted glasses to  _ her socks. _

She was wearing one neon green sock and one rainbow sock, a perfectly matching pair to the one currently residing on Erin’s dresser upstairs.

“You,” Erin said, her eyebrows shooting up as she raised her head to look the woman in the face again. “It was you. It’s  _ been  _ you this whole time.”

The blonde said nothing but looked more than a little nervous and Erin realized that she herself must look crazy, jabbing a finger at her with the underwear still clutched in her fist.

“It’s been your socks that keep appearing in my laundry!” she said. “And now it’s your underwear that’s ruined my clothes!” She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself, feeling marginally guilty as she watched the other woman bite her lip, a crease appearing between her eyebrows. “Don’t you know that you can’t run new clothes with light colors?”

“Of course I do,” she spoke up, her tone bordering on impatient as she held out her arms which were full of old towels. “I was going to wash them with these, but you got to my machine before I could put them in.”

“It took you two hours to go get towels?” Erin asked, thinking about all the time she had spent upstairs grading papers while her laundry ran. The woman shrugged.

“I’m easily sidetracked,” she said offhandedly, looking at the machine behind Erin instead of meeting her incredulous gaze. With a sigh she extended a hand. “I’m Holtzmann. I think I live a few doors down from you. I’ve noticed you coming and going. Not in a stalker-ish way though, I promise. Just in a…neighborly way.” Her cheeks had reddened just a little.

“Erin,” she said, taking Holtzmann’s hand and shaking it. When they let go the underwear was clutched in Holtzmann’s fist. She shifted uncomfortably on the spot and Erin watched her closely.

“Look, I’m really sorry your clothes got ruined,” Holtzmann said, grinding the toe of her boot into the concrete floor. “I really like your clothes actually. I’ve…noticed them too.” She turned a little redder and Erin felt the anger in her chest soften. “I think I probably owe you some new clothes.”

Erin chuckled at the statement, the last bit of anger that was still lingering dissolving entirely. “I’m not sure I’d go that far,” she replied, scanning Holtzmann’s choice in style from head to toe one more time, smiling softly.

Holtzmann grinned in return. “You’re right,” she said, looking more at ease now that Erin was smiling. “You dress like you’re the CEO of some big company or something. You couldn’t go into work looking like me.”

Erin made a face. “I’m just a teacher,” she replied, waving the comment off. Holtzmann brightened.

“Me too! What do you teach?” she asked, picking Erin’s laundry basket up off the floor and starting to walk toward the stairs. She dropped her underwear on top of Erin’s clothes and Erin sighed quietly. At least they were clean.

“Theoretical particle physics,” she said, jogging a little to catch up, quietly glad that she had swapped her heels for sneakers before coming down to do laundry. “At Columbia University.”

“No way,” Holtzmann stopped dead in her tracks and Erin walked a few steps further before realizing. Holtzmann seemed to shake herself and then caught up quickly. “I teach engineering. Nuclear engineering specifically. At the Higgins Institute. Not as prestigious as Columbia, but we have fun.”

“You’re a teacher?” Erin asked, slightly dumbfounded as she took another look at the woman’s appearance.

“Yup,” Holtzmann responded, shifting the laundry basket one more time as they reached the fourth floor landing. “You know, we could get together sometime, if you wanted. We could talk work and I could show you some of the things I’ve been developing. Nothing dangerous, I promise. Well, nothing life threatening anyway.” She eyed Erin nervously, like she was expecting to be shot down and told she was too weird to hang out with. “And maybe I could buy you dinner, you know, in exchange for your ruined clothes. I probably owe you several dinners actually.”

“I’d like that,” Erin responded, taking the laundry basket from her and handing her the underwear from the top. Her imagination gave her a quick mental image of what the article of clothing would look like on the engineer and she pushed the thought to the side to agonize over later. “Wait, I have something for you.”

She set the basket down next to her door and stepped inside, leaving Holtzmann to lean against the doorframe and peer curiously into the apartment. When Erin came back she jumped, stepping away and trying to look like she hadn’t been snooping.

“Here,” Erin said, holding the two socks out to her. Holtzmann took them with a laugh.

“So that’s where they went,” she said, beaming up at Erin. She turned the socks over in her hands. “I missed you guys. And you fixed the toe!” The crease appeared between her eyebrows again. “Thank you Erin,” she said, a waver in her voice that was so small Erin almost missed it. “I really owe you now.”

“How does Friday sound?” Erin asked, picking up her laundry basket from where it was resting at Holtzmann’s feet.

“Great!” she responded, any trace of wistfulness gone as she smiled brightly. She walked backwards toward her apartment, twirling the underwear on one finger. “Hey, and thanks for washing my underwear for me.” She winked and slipped inside her own apartment before Erin could even respond.

Erin wore a pale pink skirt suit to school the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Comments work just as well as soup and cold medicine for lifting my spirits. ;)


	12. This Hunger, It Isn't You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every morning, Jillian waits in her cell to be collected for class... (The Girl with all the Gifts AU no one asked for) 
> 
> Holtzbert Week day five: Alternate Universe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just started reading The Girl with all the Gifts and I instantly fell in love. I was scrounging around for something to use for alternate universe day for Holtzbert Week, and lo and behold, here it is! 
> 
> You don't have to have read the book or seen the movie to know what's going on. I think I described things well enough that there shouldn't be too much confusion, and I don't think I gave any important plot points away. 
> 
> Do be warned, there is your typical zombie story grunge in this. Some blood and slightly disturbing images, but honestly I think it's relatively tame.
> 
> Title borrowed from "Hunger" by Of Monsters and Men.

Every morning Jillian lies on the bunk in her cell and counts the cracks on the ceiling while she waits for the door slams that indicate the day has begin. She knows the routine well by now, that the slams will start at the opposite end of the hallway from her own cell, and that she has approximately twenty minutes before her own door will open and the sharp voices of the soldiers will pierce through her thoughts.

That’s twelve hundred seconds, and she counts each one.

When she reaches nine hundred she pulls herself from the bunk and paces around her cell a few times before sitting down in the wheelchair at the foot of her bed. The soldiers hate it when she paces. They say it’s aggressive behavior, and they’ve aimed their guns at her before when she did it.

She’s tried to tell them it’s not aggressive, but they hate it when she talks too.

They peer through the bars to be sure she’s sitting still and then she hears the locks slide open. She’s used to guns pointed at her by now, but it doesn’t change the way she feels when she’s looking straight down the barrel. As though she would go cold if she had known anything other than cold to begin with.

She gives the compulsory greeting when the soldiers walk through her door, and receives only grunts in return as they strap her securely into the wheelchair. The strap around her neck has always made her feel trapped but she doesn’t voice her discomfort. She knows they’ll just ignore her.

She doesn’t pray. There are too many gods out there for her to even begin to know which one to pray to, and besides, most of their teachers tell them the gods aren’t real anyway.

She likes the idea though, so as they wheel her down the hallway she closes her eyes like she’s praying and hopes that today is a Dr. Gilbert day.

“Good morning Jillian,” Dr. Gilbert says as her wheelchair bumps to a stop at the end of a row. When she looks at her her eyes and smile are soft, and this is the closest Jillian has ever been to _warm._ She likes to pretend that Dr. Gilbert only smiles this way for her, and though she tells herself she’s probably just imagining things this belief keeps her going stronger than any god ever could.

Out of the corner of her eye she can see the other students’ blurred outlines. They are all of them different ages in this class, but Jillian is the oldest. She knows because her chest and hips are softer, more rounded than theirs, and because Dr. Gilbert once told her that she was the oldest they had ever rescued from the hungries.

There’s a bolt of fear that runs through her when the hungries are mentioned. They’re safe in their cells and in the classroom, where the soldiers keep the hungries out, but outside the perimeter they have no control and anything could happen. She isn’t afraid that the hungries will get inside because she trusts the soldiers even as they hold their guns to her head, but just recently there’s been a kind of stirring within the compound. Even though Jillian and the other students aren’t ever informed of anything, she can sense it.

This morning, Dr. Gilbert seems antsy, and it’s something that Jillian has never seen before. She fiddles with the papers on her desk and she doesn’t quite meet the students’ eyes when she begins lecturing them on the scientific method. Jillian learned this long ago, and in her mind she recites in time with Dr. Gilbert, but she doesn’t get bored because she could listen to her voice forever.

Sometimes she hears it just before she drifts off to sleep, and it’s comforting to replay over and over in her head like a lullaby. When she thinks about her lessons at night it’s not her voice she hears. It’s Dr. Gilbert’s.

She thinks she might be in love. There’s an aching within her that she can’t explain away with anything scientific she’s learned in her lessons, but the love stories in the books Dr. Gilbert reads to them feel familiar. She lives for Dr. Gilbert days. The promise that she will teach them at least once a week keeps her going, even if she knows that Dr. Gilbert will never look on her as more than a student. It’s enough just to be in the same room with her.

When class ends she’s startled. The time passed too quickly and she was so lulled by Dr. Gilbert’s voice that she didn’t even realize the lesson was coming to a close. She’s desperate to make their time together last just a little longer, the ache turning into a sharp pain under her ribs when she knows she’s about to be wheeled back into her cell and she doesn’t know how many days there are between now and the next time she sees Dr. Gilbert.

“Dr. Gilbert,” she says, the words leaping from her cracked lips before she can stop them. Dr. Gilbert is shuffling papers on her desk again, quietly saying goodbye to each student as they are wheeled past one by one. She looks up when she hears Jillian’s voice.

In a moment she’s in front of the wheelchair, closer than she’s ever been. She crouches so she’s on eye level with Jillian and there’s something sweet on her breath that pierces through the chemical smell that they all wear like a cloak. This close she doesn’t look much older than Jillian herself, and as she watches her chest rise and fall with shallow breaths she realizes that that’s something she’s never felt the urge to do. She tries to pull a breath of her own and imagines this must be what drowning feels like.

“Yes Jillian?” she asks, and she’s much too close. Jillian knows this isn’t allowed. She cranes her neck as far as the strap will allow so she can look for soldiers, but she can’t see behind her so she looks into Dr. Gilbert’s eyes again. They’re blue.

“Where will I go after my cell?” she asks quietly. She’s seen students disappearing and not returning. It’s part of the restlessness that permeates the compound. “I know I won’t stay there forever. Where will I go?”

Dr. Gilbert’s gaze flits over her shoulder to the back of the classroom that Jillian cannot see. She knows who is probably standing there though, because Dr. Gilbert looks afraid. The ache is in her chest again and all she wants to do is protect her. But she’s strapped into her chair and Dr. Gilbert probably wouldn’t want her protection anyway. Her hands ball into fists on the arms of her chair.

“I don’t know,” she says, her eyes flicking down so Jillian can’t see that brilliant blue anymore. She finds that she misses it immediately. “But you shouldn’t worry about that now.”

“Can I go with you?” Jillian asks, and there’s a desperation in her voice that even she hadn’t been expecting to hear.

“Oh, Jill,” Dr. Gilbert says, and the nickname makes her heart stop. She thinks she could die right there in the chair with Dr. Gilbert close enough to touch were her hands not strapped down and she would be happy.

And then it happens.

Dr. Gilbert touches her. She takes Jillian’s hands in her own and squeezes. Her skin is warm, such a contrast to Jillian’s which is always, always cold. A small, strangled sound escapes her throat and her fingers clench automatically around Dr. Gilbert’s, squeezing hard.

“Get back!”

In her periphery Jillian sees a shape and then Dr. Gilbert is on the floor. The soldier is standing to her left, his shape a blur just out of sight, and Dr. Gilbert pushes herself up, standing quickly.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” the soldier demands, and Jillian hates him with everything within her. “You can’t touch her, unless you want your face eaten off!”

Dr. Gilbert is glaring at him as though she could kill him with just her eyes, but for once that’s not what Jillian is focused on. She’s thinking about what he said, words she has only heard in reference to the hungries but are now being said about her.

Dr. Gilbert says nothing, stepping back instead and watching as the soldier clicks the brakes off of Jillian’s wheelchair and turns her away. She catches a glimpse of Dr. Gilbert and she looks sad. Jillian wants nothing but to be able to take that sadness away, but she can’t speak and suddenly her vision is full of the other doctor, the scary one in the white coat.

Deep down Jillian knows that when students disappear it’s her they go to. She doesn’t know where they go, but she knows that once they go they never come back.

“Hello Jillian,” she says, and her voice is as smooth as honey but somehow cold at the same time. She smiles and Jillian doesn’t want to look at her but she does anyway, and the pleasant ache that was inside her when she looked at Dr. Gilbert is replaced by fear. She feels it like bile rising in her throat but she can’t tear her eyes away. The doctor’s eyes are as cold as her voice, and they remain burned into Jillian’s vision long after she’s been wheeled down the hallway and locked in her cell again.

Tonight the soldier’s voice plays through her mind. She desperately wants it to be Dr. Gilbert’s voice, but every time she tries to think about the soft way she looked at her or the feeling of her touch the soldier’s words creep back in.

_‘What the hell do you think you’re doing? You can’t touch her, unless you want your face eaten off!’_

She buries her face in her hands, feeling sick to her stomach. The chemical smell hits her nose and she gags, rolling to the edge of her bunk but nothing comes up. Of course it doesn’t, there’s nothing in her stomach. They haven’t had a feeding in almost a week. She doesn’t care about the feedings, but right now she’s glad she’s empty.

_‘What am I?’_

At some point she must drift off, because the next thing she knows she’s waking to the sound of the bolts on her door being slid open. She sits upright, yanking herself from a nightmare filled with the heady scent of blood. Her heart is pounding but it calms when she hears the voice at the door.

“Jillian?” The door opens and Dr. Gilbert stands there, slightly silhouetted by the light coming from the hallway. She looks like an angel. Jillian starts to stand but stops herself, her body obeying protocol whether she wants it to or not. She remains seated, pressing herself farther back onto the bunk until her back hits the stone wall.

“Jillian, we have to leave,” Dr. Gilbert says softly but urgently, stepping into the room and closing the door behind her. She leans against the door. Her gaze is unwavering but there’s a tremor to her voice that Jillian has never heard before. It sounds almost like fear.

“Are you afraid of me?” Jillian asks, pulling her knees up to her chest, trying to make herself as small as possible.

Dr. Gilbert looks surprised. She hesitates for a moment, fighting a battle inside herself before she slowly approaches the bunk. “No,” she says, stopping just short of Jillian. Close enough to touch.

Jillian cowers, folding in on herself so she’s jackknifed in the corner. “I think you should be,” she whispers, dropping her gaze to her knees. Dr. Gilbert reaches out then and grasps her hands, and she’s _warm, warm, warm,_ and the chemical scent is there on her skin as well but somehow on her it smells sweeter. There’s a pounding behind Jillian’s eyes and it urges her forward. For a moment she thinks she wants to kiss her but she realizes at the last moment with horror that the urge is to _bite._

“What’s going on in here?”

The demand is enough to make Dr. Gilbert jerk away and the moment is broken. Jillian leans back against the wall, lightheaded as the feeling passes. Even as tremors shake her whole body she looks up and sees that the doctor is standing in the doorway.

“Get up Jillian,” Dr. Gilbert says urgently, but she can’t. She’s too shaken by what just happened to tell her body to move.

“She’s my most important specimen,” the doctor says, her body effectively blocking the doorway. “You’re not taking her anywhere. We start dissection in the morning.”

 _Dissection._ Jillian knows what that means from Dr. Gilbert’s science lessons when they talked about frogs and she showed them slides of the creatures flayed open to display all their little organs and muscles. But this time they’re talking about her. They want to dissect _her._ Yesterday she wouldn’t have known why, but today, after what the soldier said and that urge she felt just moments before, she thinks she knows.

Suddenly she’s on her feet and the doctor takes a step back like she’s afraid too but Jillian is cowering behind Dr. Gilbert instead.

“She’s not a very aggressive one, is she?” the doctor asks, a hint of mirth in her voice. Jillian knows otherwise, because at this proximity to Dr. Gilbert the trembling in her body is back and the exposed skin of her arms and neck pulls her in like a magnet.

But for some reason Dr. Gilbert trusts Jillian. Either that or she simply doesn’t notice the internal struggle that’s happening right behind her. Jillian bites her own lip and squeezes her eyes shut, hoping for a distraction.

“Let us through,” Dr. Gilbert says, and even through her haze Jillian hears how strong she sounds. She’ll get them out, she knows it. There’s a scuffle and she opens her eyes just in time to see Dr. Gilbert punch the doctor in the nose. Blood gushes from her face and she hits the floor right in the doorway.

“Come on Jillian,” Dr. Gilbert says, tugging on her arm. Jillian is momentarily stunned by the feeling of her hand, but as they step over the doctor’s body as she lies groaning on the floor another sensation overtakes her entirely.

Because she can smell the doctor’s blood.

If she thought the feeling earlier of wanting to bite Dr. Gilbert was strong she didn’t know the meaning of the word. Because now something lurches deep in her gut and she barely stops herself from falling on the doctor’s body and ripping at her with her hands and teeth.

Instead she drops to the floor and leans against the wall opposite her room. She pulls her knees up to her chest and puts her head in her hands and the moan that leaves her body is nothing short of animalistic. She hears Dr. Gilbert’s feet shuffling as she backs away and the thud as her back collides with the wall facing Jillian. She’s afraid of her.

She should be afraid of her.

Jillian’s whole body shudders but she can’t block out the scent of the doctor’s blood and the urge to eat. She feels like she sits there on the floor forever.

She wouldn’t blame Dr. Gilbert if she left her there to be dissected, but then a hand falls on her shoulder and Jillian jumps violently.

“Get back!” she shouts, echoing the soldier’s words from that afternoon as she throws out an arm to shove Dr. Gilbert away. “Stay away!” She knows that her shouts are bound to bring soldiers any minute and they’ll lock her away in her cell again, but she’s beginning to think that it would be for the best.

She’s a monster.

“Hold still Jillian,” comes Dr. Gilbert’s voice, and Jillian squeezes her eyes shut so she can’t see her approach. Something cold snaps around her face and she opens her eyes wide when she smells the chemical again instead of blood. Dr. Gilbert is standing over her with tears in her eyes and Jillian brings a hand up to her own face. She’s seen this a few times before when new students have been brought into the compound. It’s a muzzle.

“I’m so sorry Jillian,” Dr. Gilbert whispers, and Jillian slumps against the wall, her energy spent. She closes her eyes again and waits for Dr. Gilbert to haul her upright and lock her back in her cell. She would deserve it.

Instead she feels that warm hand close around her wrist and tug her to her feet. Jillian stumbles a few steps and then regains her balance.

“Come on, we have to go,” Dr. Gilbert says urgently, and Jillian allows herself to be guided toward a door she has never been through.

They leave the doctor on the floor.

*****

It feels like days have passed but Jillian knows it’s only been hours. She’s never been outside before, or at least, she can’t remember ever being outside. She knows she was at some point a long time ago, because the soldiers said they found her in a village that had been taken over by hungries. Now she knows she _is_ one.

But there’s so much to take in. The sky is impossibly blue, and it hurts her eyes. The flowers that bloom by the road make her sneeze, an unpleasant experience with the muzzle still firmly attached to her face. The sun shines down on her and makes her feel as though she could finally be warm, though her skin stays stubbornly cold.

She’s feeling overwhelmed, both by her new discoveries about the world outside the compound as well as what she has learned about herself in the past day. It makes her feel helpless, and she fights to keep putting one foot in front of the other. She wants to sink down into the dirt and feel it against her face and just lie still until she can close her eyes to the world forever.

But then Dr. Gilbert’s hand closes around her own and she looks up in surprise. She’s smiling reassuringly at her, something Jillian never thought she’d see again.

“You’re not afraid of me?” she asks, and she drops her gaze to their joined hands so she doesn’t have to watch as Dr. Gilbert tells her she’s scared because Jillian is a monster disguised in the body of a young woman.

“No,” Dr. Gilbert says, and her tone is sweet and calms some of the turmoil happening inside Jillian. She squeezes Jillian’s hand and pulls her to a stop. She reaches for the straps that crisscross behind Jillian’s head but Jillian jerks away.

“Don’t,” she says, and guilt wracks her when she sees Dr. Gilbert’s expression fall. “I’m sorry Dr. Gilbert. Leave it on. Please?”

Dr. Gilbert hesitates but doesn’t pull her hands away. “Erin,” she says, cupping Jillian’s face gently and looking into her eyes. Her thumbs rub softly against her cheekbones and Jillian feels herself shiver. “My name is Erin.” Jillian squints back at her. She tries to keep her gaze trained on her face but the sun blinds her. Dr. Gilbert, Erin, pulls something from her pocket and settles it on Jillian’s face, and suddenly the world isn’t quite so bright anymore. She reaches up to touch the glasses and for the first time since the classroom she smiles.

“Where are we going?” she asks quietly. She turns Dr. Gilbert’s first name over and over in her head as they begin walking again and even tests it silently on her tongue and decides she’s not ready to use it out loud. Not yet.

“There’s a settlement about seventy miles in this direction,” Dr. Gilbert replies. She isn’t looking at Jillian, but she hasn’t let go of her hand yet. Jillian’s skin tingles in a way that’s not unpleasant. “I’ve been in contact with them secretly for the past week. Ever since I found out that the doctor wanted to start running tests on you.” Her steps falter and she looks over her shoulder at Jillian. “They’re working on a cure.”

Jillian feels like Dr. Gilbert has punched her in the face like she did to the doctor back at the compound. After a long, thoughtful silence she asks, “A cure for what?”

“The fungus that creates hungries,” she says, gazing down the road instead of continuing to look at Jillian. Her voice is quiet when she speaks again. “The one growing inside your brain.”

Jillian ponders on this new information and realizes that it doesn’t upset her as much as she thought it would. It’s like she’s known all along, somewhere deep down inside her. But Dr. Gilbert looks upset and so she decides to change the subject.

“Why me?” she asks, stumbling over a hole in the road. Dr. Gilbert’s hand is strong as it steadies her.

“What do you mean?”

“Why did you save me? What about the other students?” Jillian thinks back to the others they left behind. Almost all of them are much younger than she is, and this is the first time she’s spared them a thought. Leaving them at the doctor’s mercies makes her feel like the monster that she is. “What will happen to them?”

Dr. Gilbert is silent for a long time. Jillian counts one hundred and fifty-four steps before she speaks again. “When we get safely to the settlement and we get your cure, we’ll go back for the other students,” she says finally, squeezing Jillian’s fingers a little too hard. “We won’t let them die there, I promise.”

Jillian is comforted a little by the answer, but she can’t help but wonder if Dr. Gilbert is being entirely honest with her. She tries to think about something else but there’s still one question rattling around in her mind and it’s beginning to give her a headache.

“Why did you save me?” she repeats, whispering this time. She senses that the question holds a lot of weight and it makes her slow heart pound just a little faster in her chest. The feeling is alien to her and she reaches up a hand to massage over where she feels it the strongest. “Why me, out of everyone there?”

Dr. Gilbert looks at her for a long moment. She starts to open her mouth to say something but closes it again quickly. Jillian hears her teeth snap together, and when she turns to look straight ahead again her cheeks are pink.

It’s not an answer, but it’s good enough for Jillian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly very tempted to rework this into a full length story after this week is over. I love this universe so much. Let me know what you think, and I hope there was minimal confusion! Adapting these characters to this storyline without laying everything out in the beginning was more difficult that I realized, but I had fun. :3


	13. Salty Parabolas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Erin first walks into the lab at Higgins Abby isn't the only person there. (Snapshots of Erin and Holtzmann's relationship throughout the movie.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is the first prompt I started working on when this event was announced. I kinda experimented with it, so please bear with me. I know some people can't stand second person POV, but I find it really nice for writing introspective stuff. I wanted to show how their relationship developed slowly over the course of the movie and I think it came out pretty good. So give it a try? :)
> 
> Holtzbert Week day 6: Salty Parabolas

*

The first time you meet her you don’t know what to do with everything you’re feeling. You’re furious after finding the book, but you’re also cowed at seeing Abby for the first time in _years._ It’s an intimidating feeling, seeing your best friend _(ex-_ best friend) after the way things ended between the two of you.

And then you turn around and she’s there, all smirking red lips, blonde hair piled impossibly high, and a blowtorch held dangerously close to undeniably flammable skin. You’re thrown, because you haven’t ever seen anything like her before, and she approaches you, pulling off a glove that absurdly reveals another glove underneath, and almost kisses your hand.

Your skin tingles. Yes, you’ve always found women attractive, (ironically, Abby is the only soul who knows this, living or dead), but it’s been a very long time since a woman has struck you in this way. In a way that renders you speechless and makes your blood race through your veins. You don’t know what to say but your register the pain that settles itself into your heart when Abby looks at this woman ( _Holtzmann_ ) the same way she used to look at you. You harden your expression again and remind yourself why you came here and that you’re _(hurt_ ) furious that Abby would jeopardize your chances at being granted tenure.

Because that’s all you’re angry about, of course.

Their jokes are crude, and you feel real annoyance creep back in. It’s almost enough to make you forget how pretty she is when she laughs. But when you mention the Aldridge Mansion her eyes light up in a way that brings back the flutters that are making their home low in your stomach. You want to hate them, but Abby allows you to come along to the mansion and this mad scientist ( _because that’s all you can think of when you look at her_ ) is worrying her lip between her teeth as she regards you over the rims of her yellow spectacles.

Somewhere in the back of your mind you already know you’re home.

*

She seems so strangely focused on you and it makes you tense but not in an uncomfortable way. She moves like a cat, brushing right up against your sleeve and then disappearing again in an instant to hear something Abby is saying, but always ending up at your side again. You wonder what her fascination with you could possibly be. You know that your persona is that of a boring professor; you’ve worked long and hard at perfecting it.

But somehow here she is again, asking you questions, the motive of which you suspect are just to hear you speak.

When the ghost appears you’re sufficiently distracted, but not enough that you don’t sense her presence warm just off to the side. Even without the inappropriate crunch of chips ( _salty parabolas_ ) you would know that she is there, and even in your persistent annoyance of her the feeling is oddly comforting.

You’re so ecstatic afterwards that you actually hug Abby, something you had honestly thought would never happen again. It feels like it’s just the two of you again after all these years, and you’re transported back to high school just for a moment.

But even in this you can feel her presence and you wonder if it will become permanent.

*

It does.

Because the next thing you know you’ve been fired from Columbia, the precious tenure wrenched from your grasp just when you thought you finally knew where you belonged. It’s everything you can do to hold it together as you leave the building, cracking jokes that fall flat because the only other option is to cry.

And you do cry, in the cab to the only other place you know to go besides home. Because home is dark and empty and you don’t want to know what kind of horrors your mind has waiting for you there. So you tell the driver where to go and wonder wetly the whole way there if you’ll regret this whole thing.

By the time you arrive you’ve managed to channel that righteous anger again in the hopes that you’ll appear stronger than you are. You’re almost bowled over when you walk in the door because you forgot just how ( _beautiful_ ) weird the engineer is and how much seeing Abby feels like crawling into a warm bed and covering your head with the blankets when there’s monsters waiting in your closet.

You talk about what the ghost really meant and when they offer to let you join their little operation your heart soars in a way that actually startles you with its intensity. You tell yourself that you’re only happy for the chance at more work, but deep down you know that it’s really that feeling of belonging somewhere that you haven’t felt ( _since high school_ ) for years.

When you end up outside the school with cart loads of stolen machinery and nowhere to go it doesn’t feel the same as it did a few hours ago leaving Columbia. It’s entirely different because you have them by your side and a renewed sense of adventure and a vigor that’s brand new. You feel alive for the first time maybe ever and she’s looking at you like you’re the moon and stars on a clear night.

*

Soon you’re settled into a new lab above the Chinese restaurant and while you hated to extinguish the light in their eyes when you said you just couldn’t afford the firehouse there is an advantage to being in such close quarters. After that first day when she nearly set your new lab on fire ( _trying to impress you_ ) being reckless you decide that you should probably keep your work area close to hers because Abby is so used to the danger that accompanies the tiny fireball of an engineer that you don’t think she even notices anymore.

And she is tiny. You notice this with surprise the first time she calls you over to show you a new gadget she’s working on and standing next to her you feel like a giant. There’s something shining in her eyes when she shows you, and you’re still so overwhelmed by the feeling of home that accompanies her and Abby’s new presence in your life that you don’t notice that this is different.

Not at first.

*

After the bust in the subway something changes. It’s a subtle shift, but it’s there. She jokes about the fact that you almost died but you catch her watching you more often than before. It feels like she’s trying to reassure herself that you’re still there, that you’re not actually a ghost that might disappear when she turns her back.

It takes a while for you to realize that the initial _annoying_ has turned into _endearing_ and you love having the engineer bouncing excitedly around the lab. You find yourself distracted watching her more often and sometimes you catch her eye and there’s a softer smile there where before there would only be a smirk.

Patty joins your team and suddenly your family feels complete. Holtzmann takes to her like a younger sibling and you smile sometimes when you find them sitting together, Holtzmann’s feet kicked up on the sofa so she can lean back against Patty while she fiddles with a gadget and Patty reads. You feel only the tiniest surge of ( _jealousy_ ) envy at their close friendship and go lean against Kevin’s desk, hoping to fill the small empty place that’s starting to open up in your chest.

You still feel empty and miss the look that Holtzmann gives you as you pass her by.

*

It doesn’t take long for Holtzmann to become Holtz. After that it slips easily into Jillian and then Jill, but only during late nights when you’re alone together in the lab. You wonder how this happened, how you became such fast friends with a woman you found so unbearably ( _intriguing_ ) annoying at first. More and more often it’s just the two of you in the lab together late at night, the others tending to call it quits at normal hours of the evening. You’ve always been this way. When you get immersed in an equation you don’t stop until it’s done.

You’re beginning to realize that it’s the same for her, but her focus is different. It’s more intense, less purposeful. It feels more like _breathing_ than just work and when her hands finally falter and she tries to tell you in a broken whisper spoken to her workbench about how she’s _different_ you shush her gently and tell her _you know._

You never thought she could look as soft as she does now, at three in the morning in the low light of the lab. She looks like she might cry but after a moment she smiles so brightly that you think you could see the equations on your page with nothing but the light shining from her face.

She quietly goes back to her work and a ease settles across both of you that you refuse to question. You chance another glance at her and she’s gazing at you already and something stirs in your chest.

You wonder how you fell into this when you were so certain at the beginning, determined even, to hate her.

*

It isn’t long before you allow your old insecurities to creep in. You hate yourself for it, even as you get up and leave the lab. You catch the look on Holtzmann’s face as you leave and you want nothing more than to turn and fall into her arms but instead you leave the three of them looking hurt behind you. You know what’s going through Abby’s head. She knows you’re leaving her again.

You know you’re not, but she isn’t in your head. Only you and your weaknesses live there.

It takes the time away to look at the bigger picture and when you do your heart falls into your stomach. You kick yourself for being such a selfish idiot and not realizing what was really happening. You try to call them but there’s no answer so you do the only thing your frazzled mind can think to do.

You go to the mayor.

Everything turns into a frantic blur after that, and you are just in time to save your friends with the swiss army knife that Holtzmann gave you. You almost cry in relief when they’re okay, and when Holtzmann lays a hand on your back there are tingles that you file away to worry about later.

Because now you have a choice to make, and you make it in an instant. You’ve left Abby behind enough times that you can’t do it again, and never in a way so _permanent_ as this one. You don’t think twice before leaping into the vortex after her, although the sounds of your friends ( _Holtzmann_ ) crying your name echoes in your ears.

When you hit the ground the first thing you register besides the sun being back is Holtzmann above you, beaming brighter than the sun itself. She pulls you to your feet and when your knees buckle she’s there supporting you. The feeling of your cheek against hers is comforting but you don’t allow yourself to stay there long, knowing that if you begin you’ll never stop.

You never want to stop.

*

You think that maybe a near death experience has made you impulsive.

But maybe it’s just time.

When you look at her you see your own expression reflected back at you. There’s a longing there that wasn’t there before, but you think that maybe it was always present just underneath the surface and this bust sent you crashing over the edge.

Because you’re falling fast and she’s right there next to you. Her hand finds yours on the way back to the lab and if the others notice they don’t say anything. There’s a desperation in her grip that says ( _never leave me again_ ) I was so scared.

The other two call it a night pretty quickly and you don’t blame them. Every ache and pain from the day is beginning to settle into your body and a glance at Holtzmann tells you that the nearly blinding light that usually shines from her is starting to dim with exhaustion.

But she lingers anyway, hovering almost nervously by your side as everyone packs up their things and gets ready to leave for their respective homes. She’s tired, but vibrating like a live wire and you can feel the subtle panic rolling off of her in waves and you realize.

You quietly ask her if she wants to come home with you tonight instead, low enough that the others can’t hear, and her entire body just sags with the relief your words bring. Her body tells you yes before her voice does as she leans just so subtly into you and nods.

The cab ride home is a quiet one but she holds your hand the whole way. Where before her panic was like a fuse burning up now you can feel the soft candlelight flicker of nerves. When you get to your apartment she drops her bag unceremoniously by the door like she’s expecting ( _to get kicked out_ ) not to stay long. You pick it up and when you get back from depositing both yours and hers in your room she’s fiddling almost manically with a cable tie she’s produced from one of her many pockets.

You stop her just before she tightens it around her finger and thread your own fingers between hers. You squeeze her hands in your own so she can feel that instead of the cut off of blood supply from the cable tie and when you do the dam breaks.

Her tones are stilted as she tries to tell you everything that’s going on in her head and even though you can tell she’s getting frustrated with herself you understand everything because you feel it too.

She isn’t looking you in the eye so she misses it when you lean in, her confused string of emotions cut off abruptly when your lips touch hers and the back of her head hits the door with a soft _thunk_. You know you’re living a cliche but fireworks really do go off behind your eyes when you feel her tense up and then relax against you. Once she’s certain you’re not going to pull away and say that this was a mistake her arms find your waist and she releases a sound that’s half a sigh and half a sob as she pulls you as close as she possibly can.

It’s gentle, everything is so gentle, but there’s also a desperation that says ( _finally_ ) I almost lost you today. She kisses you like she’s drowning and your lips are the only thing that will save her and frankly you’re almost there yourself.

When it hits you that you almost died today and you speak it aloud in wonder she chokes back a genuine sob and pulls you close, tucking her head into your neck so you can feel her tears against your skin. Your mind returns to that first bust in the subway and how different and yet similar her response to that near-death experience was. Only this time she can touch you to reassure herself that you’re still there instead of just watching from a small distance that felt as wide as an ocean even back then.

Her hands clutch at your shirt and you squeeze her in return, knowing that the only reassurance she will accept in this moment is feeling you warm and breathing in her arms. You stand there for what feels like years but you aren’t complaining even though every muscle in your legs begs to differ.

She stays by your side for the rest of the night, even sitting on the closed toilet lid when you take a shower, her hands fiddling with a package of tissues. She slowly, systematically rips them to shreds and when you get out of the shower you brush the pieces into the garbage and take her hands in your own instead. You stay in the room when she takes her turn, brushing your teeth and your hair, and when you catch her in the mirror sneaking peeks at you around the shower curtain you smile.

When you walk to your bedroom hand in hand your foot nudges her bag and a tube of Pringles ( _salty parabolas_ ) rolls out and you laugh. You pick it up, realizing that you’re actually kind of hungry, and pull her to the bed. The two of you sit atop the blankets passing the chips back and forth until they’re gone and sneak kisses in between.

A little while later you lay curled up together under the blankets with no space between you, too exhausted to do anything but breathe each other’s air. As you play absentmindedly with her hair and she almost purrs in contentment you think back to when you first met her in the lab at Higgins. If you had known then where this would lead you wouldn’t have believed yourself and you almost laugh but don’t because you don’t want to disturb her when she’s very nearly asleep.

Back then your future looked bleak and uncertain, but now it’s yellow tinted and tastes like salty parabola kisses.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought. I'd be curious to know how everyone felt about the POV and whatnot. :D


	14. Professor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin and Holtzmann's students are beginning to notice that something is up...(High school teachers AU)
> 
> Holtzbert Week day 7: Professor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the last Holtzbert Week prompt! I'm so excited that I actually finished this time (and almost on time!). Thank you guys for sticking with me as I did some weird experimenting with some of these. I'm gonna continue in that vein with this installment.
> 
> Mutantcauliflower helped a ton with this chapter, and was so patient through all my grumbling and agonizing about getting it to read smoothly. She also contributed most of the ideas for scenarios and helped me rework the ending. So thank you again for all your help!!

“Did you know that Dr. Gilbert and Dr. Holtzmann are friends?”

“No way. You’re lying. Dr. Holtzmann is way too cool to be friends with someone as uptight as Dr. Gilbert.”

“Um, excuse you. I happen to like Dr. Gilbert.”

“You would.”

“Whatever. I have proof, but I guess you don’t want to hear it.”

“Wait, don’t go. You can’t leave me hanging like this. Okay, I’ll bite. What is your foolproof evidence that Dr. Gilbert and Dr. Holtzmann are friends?”

“I walked past the teacher’s lounge the other day and the door was cracked. Dr. Holtzmann had her shoes off and her feet were in Dr. Gilbert’s lap.”

“Now I _know_ you’re lying. Dr. Gilbert wouldn’t let anything touch those precious suits she wears. Especially feet. _Especially_ Dr. Holtzmann’s feet.”

“It’s true! Why don’t you believe me?”

“Cause you’re full of shit.”

*****

“Let’s go, I don’t want to be late for our next class.”

“Wait, what’s Dr. Holtzmann doing in here?”

“I dunno. Let’s hang back a little. I want to hear what they’re saying.”

“That’s eavesdropping! We shouldn’t listen in on their conversations. It’s rude. You’re rude.”

“Well, I can’t _be_ rude if you keep talking so I can’t hear them, now can I? Shut you mouth!”

“No, I’m leaving. The bell is gonna ring soon.”

“Fine. I’ll learn about their secret love affair on my own then. Hey, don’t pull!”

“We’re leaving. Bye Dr. Gilbert!”

“Aren’t you even the least bit curious about what’s going on between those two?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about. You’ve seen how they look at each other.”

“Dr. Gilbert is _married._ ”

“No she isn’t. How would you know that?”

“She wears a wedding ring idiot.”

“That’s a class ring.”

“Class rings are worn on the other hand.”

“…”

“See? Even you can’t argue with that logic.”

“Well then they’re having a hot, secret love affair.”

“Dr. Gilbert wouldn’t cheat on her husband. They’re just friends.”

“I’m starting to think the one with the crush is you.”

“Shut up. Asshole.”

*****

“Did you see that?”

“See what?”

“ _That._ ”

“Oh no. Not this again.”

“Yes this again. Did you see what Dr. Gilbert just did?”

“Dr. Holtzmann’s shirt was untucked. She fixed it. Big deal.”

“She just stuck her hand down her pants.”

“You kinda have to do that to tuck a shirt in.”

“She _stuck_ her _hand_ down her _pants_.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“They’re banging. I know it.”

“Oh my god.”

“Seriously! Think about it! Did you see how casually she put her hand down her pants? I bet Dr. Gilbert is a freak in the bedroom.”

“That’s so disrespectful! Besides. They’re not gay.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“…No?”

“Dr. Holtzmann has a rainbow flag on her desk. A _rainbow flag._ ”

“Well yeah, but I thought she just liked colorful things.”

“…You are so naive.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

*****

“Did you hear?”

“Hear what?”

“Someone saw Dr. Gilbert and Dr. Holtzmann at the cafe together.”

“So?”

“So, doesn’t that sound like a date to you?”

“Teachers can’t hang out? They were probably grading papers. They teach similar subjects.”

“You just won’t accept what’s right in front of your face.”

“You’re looking for drama where there isn’t. Did _you_ see them together?”

“Well…no.”

“I rest my case.”

*****

“I can’t believe you.”

“ _Ow!_ That hurt! What did I do?”

“There’s a rumor going around school that Dr. Holtzmann and Dr. Gilbert are having an affair. Everyone is talking about it. _Everyone._ What if they hear about it?”

“This isn’t my fault. I haven’t said anything.”

“Bullshit.”

“Fine, whatever. Don’t believe me. But I didn’t tell anyone. Or well, I guess there was that one person…”

“You’re a horrible person. What if they expel us?”

“They don’t expel people for starting rumors. Besides, you didn’t tell anyone, right? So I’d be the one to get in trouble.”

“…”

“Oh my god. You did tell. You are such a hypocrite.”

“I am not. I just think it’s…kinda cute. That’s all.”

“You ship them.”

“I do not ship them!”

“You do, too. You ship Dr. Gilbert and Dr. Holtzmann.”

“Okay. Maybe I do a little.”

“You’re such a freak.”

“You started this.”

*****

“Here, try this,” It was Friday evening in their apartment and Erin and Holtzmann were sharing take out in their living room, neither of them feeling like cooking at the end of the week. Holtzmann leaned forward and held out her fork so Erin could take the bite of food she was offering. Erin chewed thoughtfully and then nodded.

“That’s good. Remind me I’m getting that next time.” She tried to dip her fork into Holtzmann’s take out box again but she pulled away.

“No way. This is mine. Eat your own.” She scooted to the opposite end of the sofa and shoved a few quick forkfuls into her mouth.

“Cut that out,” Erin said, reaching over and tugging on her pants. “You’ll make yourself sick again.”

Holtzmann kicked her hand away lightly. “That was _one time._ ”

“Yes, but it happened at the school,” Erin said, shaking her head as she dug around in her box for another bite. “I had to take you home. I missed my last three classes!”

“Speaking of the school,” Holtzmann said, scooting back over so she could tuck herself into Erin’s side. “There’s a rumor going around.”

“Of course there is Holtz, it’s a high school. Why do you pay so much attention to the rumor mill? You’re just as bad as the kids.”

Holtzmann shrugged, jostling Erin’s arm and nearly making her spill her food in her lap. “Maybe you should pay more attention. Especially since the rumor is about us.”

“ _What?_ ”

Holtzmann peered up at her and grinned. “They think you’re having an affair. With me.” Erin started coughing and Holtzmann sat up, cheerfully patting her on the back. “I’ve never seen someone choke on a fork before!”

“Holtz, how would I have an affair with you? We’re _married._ ”

“But they don’t know that.”

Erin squinted at her wife. “I thought everyone knew that. How could they miss it?”

“Please,” Holtzmann said, waving her fork in the air for emphasis. “People will make anything straight if they want to.”

“I wear a wedding band.”

“I don’t,” Holtzmann said, fiddling with the ring that hung on a chain around her neck. “I put my hands in too many chemicals. Hey, that’s probably why they think you’re having an affair. You wear your wedding band.”

Erin shook her head. “This is ridiculous. I don’t want them to think I’m married to someone else. I’m married to _you_.”

“Oh hey, don’t look so blue,” Holtzmann said. She set her takeout box down on the table and scooted closer, swinging a leg across Erin’s lap. “Maybe we just have to be more obvious.” She took the food from Erin’s hands and set it next to her own before cupping her face and kissing her slowly. Erin sighed and slipped her tongue into Holtzmann’s mouth, wrapping her arms around her waist and pulling her closer. She groaned when Holtzmann began slowly rocking her hips.

“Wait,” Erin said, pulling back. She put a finger on Holtzmann’s nose. “I’m warning you. No PDA at school. That’s just weird.”

“But Erin,” Holtzmann said, a hint of a whine in her voice. “How else are we gonna prove that we’re married?”

“I’m sure we’ll figure something out.”

*****

“I don’t wanna tell you you’re right, but I also wanna rub it in that you chose the worst day to cut class.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Dr. Gilbert. She is married. And you’ll never guess to who.”

“Just tell me.”

“Dr. Holtzmann.”

“No way. Quit lying.”

“Why do you always think I’m lying?”

“Because you are.”

“Well it’s true.”

“How do you know?”

“Cause Dr. Holtzmann came to our class today, before it started. I think she thought we weren’t paying attention but I was sitting close to the front.”

“Like always.”

“Screw you.”

“Sorry, go on.”

“She gave Dr. Gilbert a lunch bag and told her—and this is word for word, I swear— _‘You left your lunch on the kitchen table today babe. Can’t let my wife go hungry.’_ ”

“Seriously?”

“Dead serious. I swear on my grades. You should have seen Dr. Gilbert. She actually blushed. It was actually pretty cute.”

“Well damn. I mean, I love being right, but how are we gonna entertain ourselves now?”

“I dunno. But they’re _married._ How cool is that?”

“It is pretty cool. I like seeing two women happily married.”

“Yeah.”

“…”

“…”

“I bet Dr. Gilbert is a freak in bed.”

“Oh my god.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is the end! I've had a blast this whole week, and thank you so much Eevachu for organizing! I'm gonna take a short break and then I'll be back with an update on All Your Tomorrows, which could really use some love after being a little abandoned so I could get these prompts done. XD
> 
> Let me know what you thought! :)


	15. Enter at your own Risk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby visits Erin in the middle of the night and gets quite the surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this has taken so long! A lot of life stuff happened all at once (not to mention my computer giving out on me), and I just hit a slump for a while. But I'm back! I hope. lol
> 
> This is for the anon who prompted me:  
> If youre still doing ghostbusters give could you write one where Abby visits Erin late at night with a new discovery or something and discovers that Erin isn't alone because holtz is in her bed. Sleepy holtz and smug Abby and adorable
> 
> This prompt was so much fun to do. You should have seen my face when it popped up in my inbox! So thank you anon! And thank you mutantcauliflower for reading this over and helping me out. You're awesome!

It's either very late at night or very early in the morning when Erin Gilbert slowly blinks awake. She raises her head from the pillow just enough to stare blearily at the homemade clock sitting on her night table, which shows 3:26 in large, red numbers. She groans quietly and rolls back over, seeking out her bedmate. Holtzmann is lying on her stomach next to her, the blankets bunched down around her bare hips and her hair spread out like a rat’s nest on her pillow. The engineer runs like a furnace at night and normally by the morning has shoved most of the blankets off of herself in her sleep. Erin usually takes this opportunity to wrap herself in them and scoot as close to her human heater as possible. 

She gently throws an arm across Holtzmann’s back and pulls her closer, earning herself a quiet grumble as she shifts, coming to the brink of wakefulness herself. The engineer doesn’t always sleep well, her mind too full of inventions to really turn off long enough to relax. They discovered early in their relationship that Holtzmann sleeps best when Erin is by her side, and so they had begun sleeping over at each other’s apartments as often as possible after that. 

They hadn’t become more intimate until just recently. Neither of them felt the need to move quickly, each content just to feel the other next to them while they slept. After they had taken the step and slept together for the first time Holtzmann had curled up against Erin and groaned that bare skin felt even better. She promptly fell asleep and Erin, sated as she was, had shaken her head with a smile. 

Now Erin scoots closer, tucking her chin against Holtzmann’s shoulder and smiling when she squirms at Erin’s breath in her ear. She closes her eyes and is just about to drift back off when she hears the noise that must have woken her in the first place. 

She sits upright in the bed, clutching the blankets to her chest as her heart pounds away under her hands. Holtzmann doesn’t even stir at the movement. Erin feels around blindly in the dark and finally lays her hands on the oversized T-shirt and pajama pants that she was wearing when they fell into bed hours before. She hurriedly pulls them on and stumbles out of the dark bedroom to see who is knocking on her apartment door. 

She approaches the door cautiously, thoughts of a burglar or a malevolent ghost running through her mind as she tentatively picks her way through the dark living room. Her hands find her table lamp and she wishes she had some kind of weapon that would work better on ghosts. Holtzmann had been working on…something earlier in the evening but Erin doesn’t want to risk touching the still torn apart creation on her coffee table for fear of it exploding in her hands. 

She holds her breath as she peers through the peephole and then releases it in a deep sigh when she sees Abby’s face looking back at her. 

“Abby,” she says, her tone just a little exasperated as she swings the door open. She is standing with her fist raised, poised to knock again. 

“It took you long enough,” she says, sidestepping Erin and searching along the wall for the light switch. She flicks it on and Erin squints at the sudden flood of light. “I forget how slow you can move sometimes. Were you going to hit me with that?”

Erin slowly sets the lamp back down on the table. “What do you expect Abby, it’s almost four in the morning,” she says, blinking a few times to clear her vision as she slowly adjusts to the bright room. Abby has already made herself at home, wandering into the kitchen to pull a bottle of water out of Erin’s fridge. Erin holds her breath as Abby passes a can of Pringles that is still sitting on the counter from earlier in the evening, a tell-tale sign that Holtzmann was over.

It isn’t that they don’t want to tell Abby and Patty about their relationship. In fact, they’ve talked about it a lot. But even though they’ve been seeing each other for a while they’re moving at a pace that feels glacial to Erin, and she isn’t complaining. Holtzmann has been open to telling them from the beginning, but Erin has had so many bad experiences that for the moment she just wants to bask in the newness of something that finally feels right. 

Abby passes the Pringles by without a second glance, obviously suffering from an extreme case of tunnel vision. Whatever she came here for in the middle of the night must be important. Erin spies a shirt that was flung over a lamp during a fit of passion earlier in the night and snatches it quickly. She hides it behind her back and shuffles a few steps to the right so she can drop it out of sight behind a chair. When she notices how Abby is fidgeting she starts to worry for the first time since she practically busted her door down. 

“Abby, is everything okay? Why are you here?” Erin approaches her cautiously, finally fully awake. There’s a look in her friend’s eye that she missed earlier and it’s familiar. It gives Erin a nostalgic feeling in the pit of her stomach and she slowly smiles as she realizes. “You figured something out.”

“Erin, you’re not gonna believe it,” Abby begins. She’s bouncing on the balls of her feet in her excitement. “I couldn’t sleep so I stayed up late working on our project and I don’t know if it was the coffee I drank earlier or the lack of sleep but I finally got over that road block we had this morning.”

Erin feels like there’s a balloon being inflated inside of her. Of all the things she missed about Abby being her best friend this was one of the biggest. When they shared a dorm in college Abby would flick on the lights and drag Erin out of a deep sleep at least once a week to show her something new that she had discovered. Long after they had gone their separate ways Erin still found herself looking for Abby and wishing that she would appear with something to tell her, even if it was in the middle of the night. 

Erin can tell that Abby is taken off guard when she steps in and hugs her. “Do you know how much I’ve missed this?” she asks, squeezing her best friend tightly. After a second she feels Abby’s arms come up to wrap around her too and they both sigh into each other. 

Then Abby pulls away and looks at Erin seriously. “I need your notebook,” she says earnestly, and before Erin can say anything she turns and heads straight for her bedroom. 

“Wait,” Erin calls, her feet catching up with her brain as she follows Abby. She catches her outside her bedroom with one hand on the doorknob. Erin is relieved when she sees that she remembered to close the door when she left the room earlier. “I’ll get it.”

“I know where it is,” Abby says impatiently. “It’s in the same place on your desk where it always is. I know you Erin, you haven’t changed that much.” She squints at Erin’s expression in the dim light of the hallway. “Wait a second. You don’t want me in there.” A grin slowly spreads across her face. “Eeerin, why don’t you want me in your room? I’ve been in your room a million times.” She pauses and leans forward conspiratorially. “Do you have a guy over?”

Even in the dark hallway Erin can feel her face heat up. “N-no,” she says, and even she can hear how unconvincing she sounds. “No, it’s just—I haven’t cleaned. It’s filthy in there.”

“Erin, come on, we both know you don’t let your apartment get dirty. Especially your bedroom.” And it’s true. It’s something that Erin has had to learn to get over with Holtzmann staying over as much as she does. Suddenly she’s finding discarded tools underfoot when she’s trying to make dinner or grease stains on her sofa that she frantically tries to scrub out with a homemade cleaner she’s found on Pinterest. 

“Really,” she says lamely, knowing full well that Abby isn’t buying it. 

“Okay, you don’t want me in your room for whatever reason. I can respect that. I won’t go in your room,” Abby says, releasing the doorknob and holding both hands out in surrender. Erin feels her shoulders sag in relief but in an instant Abby has pushed the door open and stepped through. 

“Shit,” Erin whispers, bracing herself as she follows. The gig is up. 

Abby flips the light switch in Erin’s bedroom and is halfway to the desk before Holtzmann stirs groggily, slowly sitting up and fumbling on the bedside table for her tinted glasses. 

“Erin?” she asks, yawning widely and not fazed at all by Abby’s presence in the room. “Baby, what’s going on?”

“Oh my god!” Abby exclaims, covering her eyes and backing against Erin’s desk. A mug full of pens goes clattering loudly to the floor. “Oh my god, Holtzmann, put on some clothes!”

“Abby?” Holtzmann asks, trying to push her hair out of her face so she can see and not making any move to reach for her clothes. Erin, who has been stunned until now, springs into action. She grabs a blanket that has fallen to the floor and throws it over Holtzmann’s head. Holtzmann promptly tosses it back on the floor. 

“Holtz, please put something on,” Erin pleads. Abby is still covering her eyes and Erin reaches around her for one of her own nightshirts. She roughly pulls it over Holtzmann’s head, knocking her glasses askew in the process. “I am so sorry Abby,” she says, as Holtzmann puts her arms through the sleeves at a snail’s pace. “But I did warn you. She’s dressed now.”

Abby slowly uncovers her eyes and stares between Erin and Holtzmann. Her eyes are wide and her mouth is hanging open. 

“Abby, why are you in my bedroom?” Holtzmann asks. She has one eye closed as she tries to focus on Abby. “Is this a dream?”

“This isn’t your bedroom,” Abby says, but she’s looking at Erin when she speaks. She’s beginning to look smug and Erin rolls her eyes. “This is Erin’s bedroom.”

“We were just sleeping Abby,” Erin says, knowing full well that Abby won’t buy it. The shit eating grin on her face tells her that. 

“We weren’t sleeping earlier!” Holtzmann sing-songs unhelpfully through a large yawn, finally beginning to wake up enough that she’s caught on to what’s happening. Erin picks up a spare pillow and flings it at her but Holtzmann catches it easily and hugs it to her chest, looking very mildly put out. 

“I knew it,” Abby crows triumphantly. “I knew there was something going on between you two! How long has this been going on?”

Erin quickly says, “Not that long,” in the same moment Holtzmann says, “Not long enough.” Erin shoots her a look and she just shrugs. 

“I think I should leave you to it,” Abby says, backing slowly out of the room. “Erin, we can discuss everything tomorrow. And I mean everything.” She gives Erin a meaningful look.

“Oh I can help with that,” Holtzmann supplies happily. “Abby, did you know that Erin likes it when I—”

Abby and Erin both shout “no!” at the same time and Erin pushes Abby out of the bedroom and closes the door on Holtzmann, who is offering up a little wave at Abby’s retreating back. “There’s nothing to discuss,” she hisses. “We were just sleeping.”

_ “Naked?” _

“Holtz likes skin on skin contact,” Erin responds stubbornly, continuing to push Abby out into the living room. “She sleeps better.”

Erin can tell that Abby is taking everything in the living room in now that she knows what’s going on, from the discarded clothing Erin tried to hide earlier to the can of Pringles on the counter to the half torn apart creation that’s sitting on the coffee table. She watches her closely, looking for any sign of emotion from Abby at all. After a moment she sighs and turns to Erin, a smile playing on her face. 

“She really does sleep better with you, doesn’t she?” she asks, and Erin nods slowly. “Take good care of her, okay? She seems carefree, but she’s had it tough. I’m happy for you Erin. Both of you. She loves you so much.”

Erin is taken aback by her words and she must look startled because Abby moves in to hug her again. They say goodnight and Erin locks the door behind her. She turns and takes a deep breath before flicking off the light and heading back into the bedroom.

Holtzmann is still sitting up in the bed, absentmindedly playing with the edge of a blanket. She’s picking the loose threads off and dropping them on the floor, and Erin turns off the light in here too before crossing over to her and gently pulling the blanket out of her hands. She removes her own pajamas before slowly sliding the nightshirt up and off of Holtzmann. 

“I’m sorry,” Holtzmann says then, wrapping her arms around herself. “I know that’s not how you wanted them to find out about us. I shouldn’t have said anything.” The insecurity is rolling off of her in waves and Erin runs a hand down her bare arm, coaxing her hold to loosen and smiling when she feels goosebumps break out on her skin. She understands. Holtzmann wears her humor like a security blanket. It’s a defense mechanism, just like her glasses or her loud personality. 

“It’s okay,” she whispers, wrapping her arms around Holtzmann and guiding them both to lie back down on the bed. She pulls the blankets up and around them even though she knows that Holtzmann will kick them off before morning. She scoots as close as she can and releases a shaky sigh at the feeling of their bare bodies pressed together. It’s a sensation she hasn’t quite gotten used to yet and she’s beginning to wonder if it will ever lose its magic. “She’s happy for us. And did you see her face?” She laughs a little and lets her hands run up Holtzmann’s back to bury itself in the hair at the nape of her neck when she nuzzles into Erin’s shoulder. “I’m not upset. In fact, I think I’m happy she knows.” She pauses. “No, I know I’m happy she knows.”

“She saw my boobs,” Holtzmann whispers and Erin laughs again. 

“She doesn’t love them like I do,” she replies, and then feels her heart skip a beat when she realizes what she’s said. 

Holtzmann shifts suddenly so she can press a firm kiss to Erin’s lips. “You love them?” she asks against her mouth, not brave enough to pull fully away so she can see her expression. 

“Yes,” Erin breathes, pulling Holtzmann impossibly closer. “And I love you too.”

Holtzmann’s smile is like the sun. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed and that y'all haven't given up on me entirely! I'm still working on All Your Tomorrows, and I have lots of plans for what's next after that!

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to prompt me either here in the comments or at ma-ghostly-petite on tumblr. I could really use some inspiration right now to get me out of this writing slump! :)


End file.
